Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Alternative versions of "Guitar Hero"

Dave, Gaz, Joe and I were rather bored one day and came up with these alternative versions of "Guitar Hero". Feel free to suggest your own.

"How about a shoegazing version? Comes with 15 effects pedals, a mic that you can't turn up, an old school tie from one of the Home Counties finest educational establishments and an instruction booklet on how to ruin your posture.

Or a post punk version with a raincoat, a copy of Also Sprach Zarathustra and a Will Sergeant wig?"

"We could have a Jimi Hendrix version, which would come with a free headband, as well as its own lighter and white spirit.

What about a Who version? The guitar itself would come in 38 pieces.

A Top of the Pops edition would have a guitar that isn't actually plugged in."

John Squire version: Comes with wrap of coke, paint by numbers set and a yoga DVD which shows you how to stick your head up your own a*se.

"Folking Hell turbo edition: Comes with false beard, woollen sweater with leather elbow patches, and a year's membership to CAMRA"

"Westlife edition. The guitar just sits in the corner but it comes with a free stool for use during the key changes."

"Stone Roses Second Coming edition...... wont be ready for another 5 years"

"Oasis edition. Relaunched every two years and the reviews say it's really good then after 2 months everyone returns to playing the first edition. See also Belle and Sebastian"

"Status Quo edition - Only plays three chords.

X Factor edition - Out of tune for the first five weeks.

Peter Hook edition - comes with an extra long strap"

"The Amy Winehouse edition - despite the cover looking quite interesting and exciting there's actually nothing in the box, it's just an empty, vacuous shell"

"The Happy Mondays Edition, which comes with smack, crack and pop!"

"The Frankie Goes to Hollywood edition where you do nothing and someone else plays on it.

The Fall edition which changes every three months

The Sleeper edition which is p*sh"

"The Charlatans edition: the guitar never requires the batteries to be changed or charged, it just keeps going, and going... and going......... and going............... and going.................. never changing, never wavering, even when you've turned the TV off, stopped listening and gone to bed..."

"The Levellers edition - You don't take it out the box, you just move it on. Also available with free dog on a string."

"Verve edition: Always falls apart within three months.

Smiths edition: You get sued by the backing track."

The LA's version; promised a great deal on the box but only delivered Cast in the end!"

Nah the La's version is only available on punched cards for a computer the size of a house because that's how they did it in the sixties!" (Joe: "I think that edition comes with an optional Ocean Colour Scene bolt-on")

The Proclaimers Edition - Available No More

The Tony Christie Edition - Only plays one song

The Radio Forth Edition - Plays the same six songs all day

The Divinyls Edition - Plays itself"

"The Mark Ronson edition - despite your best efforts nothing you play on it sounds quite as good as the original"

"Oasis Cigarettes and Alcohol Edition - Comes with free tabs"

"The INXS version; comes complete with apple, orange and gaffer tape!"

"And no one bought the Style Council version though some people still think about it fondly. See also Big Audio Dynamite Version"

"The Travis version; Has sold millions but no one admits to buying or even liking it"

"The Roddy Frame Edition - plays 13 chords when two will do."

"The Cornershop Edition - Sitar Hero"


Sky Clearbrook said...

The Curve edition - it'll just cancel itself if it can't fit its wind machine on stage.

The Wedding Present edition - all the songs sound the same, but in a good way.

Sky Clearbrook said...

The Billy Sloan "I-can-exclusively-reveal" mid-80's Scottish West-coast band edition - all vocals have that compulsory deeper-than-is-natural tone and each line must contain at least one confectionery-related word such as chocolate, honey or candy. "Seldom off my turntable".

JC said...

bastard...I came into make the very same Wedding Present edition comment....

How about the Billy Bragg edition - only available in the colour red?