Here's Jonny!

Saturday 17 October

Having lost some weight and buffed up a bit I found that the two pairs of jeans I took to Crieff were hanging off me. We were in Asda (or Asdaz, if you’re a local) and could I find a pair of jeans in my waist and leg length? Could I hell. Everyone in Dunfermline must be built like a Rubik Cube.

Sunday 18 October

There was a bizarre moment during my radio show. I was playing John Holt’s “Ali Baba” and I was trying to find out some information about the song because I knew there was a story behind it. I found a website but as the record was finishing and I ejected the CD I could still here the intro of the song going round the studio in a loop. It turned out that, unlike my normal studio, if you visited a website that had background music it would come through the desk. This studio didn’t have an appropriate fader and for five minutes I was clueless as to where the sound was coming from. I eventually worked out it was coming from the PC and gave a huge sigh of relief. Every single week something goes wrong! But I console myself with the fact that it happens to professionals too.

I’m not a big Formula 1 fan but I watch the “big” races and well done to Jensen Button for a great drive in Brazil. No doubt he’ll be ensconced as favourite for Sports Personality of the Year. I felt sorry for Beth Tweddle who had also won a World Championship gold medal (on the floor, not her more favoured uneven bars – when did they stop calling them asymmetric?) but the BBC news was dominated by Jensen’s accomplishment. In fact it was lead story. Well done, Beth.

I get home from the radio station to find that Flick has spent the afternoon cutting out pictures from the Early Learning Centre catalogue to give to Santa. Bless.

Monday 19 October

In-car entertainment: Sergeant – Sergeant

We’re really enjoying the latest comedy import from the U S of A, Modern Family.

Tuesday 20 October

In-car entertainment to/from work: Sergeant – Sergeant (Shy Recordings 2009)

I spent the evening finishing off the questions, audio rounds and picture rounds for next week’s quiz night. I host it, with the Goody Lady Wife taking on the role of my glamorous assistant, Quizelda. She can’t take part because the quiz is organised by her employer’s social committee and it wouldn’t look right if her team won. Technically it’s a “corporate” and I get paid for it. I’ve done small quizzes for nothing previously but I do put a lot of effort into this one every year so I don’t feel bad about taking money for it. I print off all the answer sheets and score sheets too and give them to the teams in a wee pack. We give each team a bag of sweeties too. I start preparing it a few months in advance and many questions are written and jettisoned along the way. Being an attentive audience, who are only really there for the quiz, it tends to go at a fair pace so this year I’ve added more questions and an extra audio round. Buy one quiz, get 20% extra free!

I always get nervous about it until it gets under way and then I settle into it. I don’t really write a script as such as I feel it can come across as a bit lame if I “try and be funny”, especially when it’s not natural for me. Okay, I can be funny but I prefer to bounce off someone else and be more spontaneous.

Wednesday 21 October

“Music Like A Vitamin”

The doors were opening at 6.30 with, we had heard, things kicking off at 7. It wasn’t a lot of time to get to my “outlaws”, get fed and watered, change and get back into town, via public transport, through the multiple road works littering the capital.

A mid-afternoon e-mail to the HMV Picturehouse Box Office got a quick response (Dunfermline Alhambra take note) and I was surprised and rather glad to hear that Attic Lights would kick-off proceedings at 7.30 pm, followed by “Jonny” (Norman Blake, Euros Childs, Dave McGowan and Stuart Kidd), Idlewild’s Rod Jones and headliners Frightened Rabbit.

The two acts I really wanted to see were on first and I wasn’t sure we’d stay for the others but we stayed and were glad we did. Mrs Cat hadn’t heard much by Attic Lights and was suitably impressed by their harmonic rock. Having seen them several times in the last 18 months I already knew how brilliant (and sadly underrated) they are.

Attic Lights: Never Get Sick of the Sea, Dirty Thirst, Bad Day, God, ? (new song),
Stay Before You Leave, Late Night Sunshine, Man On Fire, Bring You Down

I’d seen Norman Blake and Euros Childs play together at Celtic Connections at the start of the year (on the same bill as Attic Lights) and I was amazed by their modern take on baroque folk pop. This time round Dave McGowan joined them on bass (a regular go-to guy for Teenage Fanclub, a Fifth Fanny if you like) and drummer Stuart Kidd. The quartet has completed an album, under the pseudonym Jonny, and it’s due out next year. On the basis of the tracks we heard it should be an essential purchase. The cartoon “Do The Cave Dance” took on an almost Spinal Tap-esque quality (all it needed was Stonehenge) as the expanded band gave the track went off on a psychedelic path. In introducing the track Norman suggested rather playfully that it had been specially written for Showaddywaddy until they realised they’d split up.

Jonny: Waiting Around For You, Candyfloss,? (new song), Which Is Which, Baby Lee, English Lady, Do The Cave Dance, Back To The Country

Being Rod Jones’ first gig neither he nor the crowd knew what to expect. He needn’t have worried as he went down well. My companions and I were, however, somewhat distracted by the female vocalist who accompanied him She seemed to be either, (a) dressed for backing Matt Bianco, (b) enjoying a game of pocket billiards, (c) bored by it all and (d) all of the above. Rod finished with a cover of John Martyn’s “Over The Hill”.

Maybe I’m just getting old and not as in touch with what “the kids” are listening to as I should be but I’d only heard one or two tracks by Frightened Rabbit previously and didn’t really know what to expect. We retired to the cushioned benches of the balcony (a nice change from rigid seats) to watch them strut their stuff. My initial impressions were of an early Cure, featuring the Joy Division drumming of Stephen Morris, but they grew on me and it’ll be interesting to see how their sound evolves. The kids in the stalls were certainly going wild for them.

Frightened Rabbit returned for an encore of “I Feel Better” before being joined on stage, Live Aid-style, by assorted members of Attic Lights and some of the event staff for rousing, if somewhat shambolic, covers of “Proud Mary”, “Teenage Kicks” and “Lust for Life”. I half expected Phil Collins and Bono to join them.

The bands had given their time and services for free and the £5 admission price was possibly the bargain of the century. The two pints of lager for £7.20 was most certainly not a bargain but that was the only complaint of a wonderful evening for a wonderful cause. I have to say I also liked the venue, with its unobtrusive security staff, comfy balcony benches and no booking fee policy for personal callers.

Thursday 22 October

Staying at my in-laws means I can take a short-ish bracing walk to work. Despite only having three pints last night (normally I drive to gigs on my own with only full fat Coke for sustenance), I’m rather tired today. The daily gym routine doesn’t help and any thoughts of attending the Jackie Leven gig in Kirkcaldy are soon forgotten.

I had hoped to nip to Kirkcaldy after the Good Lady Wife returns form her knitting group (no, seriously) but I just didn’t have the energy. He’s playing Glasgow on Saturday (hate the M8), Kilbarchan on Tuesday (where?), Inverness (too far on a school night), Comrie on Friday (hosting a quiz night) and Stirling next Saturday. The latter is a possibility. Since I learned to drive (two years ago now) I’ve been to gigs in Dundee, Perth and Darvel but never Stirling. I don’t think I’ve ever been to Stirling apart from witnessing a football match. To say, “witness” is a bit of an exaggeration as we were stood behind the goals and such was the blanket of fog on Stirling Albion’s ground that we couldn’t see past the halfway line! Luckily Jackie is one of those artists who doesn’t so much tour as constantly gig and even if I miss the Stirling gig he’ll back soon enough.

Friday 23 October

In-car entertainment to/from work: John Barry – Themeology

I’m still tired this morning but it’s Friday so I can console myself with a lie-in tomorrow. Okay, that’s maybe wishful thinking but hope springs eternal. With the Flickster back at school on Monday I hope I can get back into some semblance of a routine before Christmas and get back to my book.

Having written 25,000 words (albeit as extended notes), I’m desperate to find the time to get back to it. Lord knows where I’ll find it. Maybe I should just console myself with 45 minutes here, an hour there and just get on with it, albeit bit by tiny bit. Why is it that as soon as I stop taking CDs to the gym it gets quieter? Some days when I took my own music it was like Piccadilly Circus. Today I was on my Jack Jones with only Forth One’s Grant Stott for company. I don’t mind Grant but it would’ve been nice to blast a bit of Sergeant or even John Barry! I’m nothing if not eclectic. I think gym music should be about pleasure and not beats per minute.

Saturday 24 October

I drove to my mate Dave’s. We drank coffee, watched the football scores coming in, listened to the radio, played some Wii and quizzed each other from the Guinness Book of Hit Singles. It made for an enjoyable, relaxing few hours. I love “The Thick of It”! I was pleased to see it promoted to BBC2 rather than hidden away on BBC4 although the 10.10pm showing illustrates the strength of the “industrial” language used. It’s not for the faint-hearted.

Sunday 25 October

Today’s radio show was my Hallowe’en special. I figure it was better doing it six days early rather than 1 day late. It was an enjoyable show - a virtual repeat of last year’s - although once again I made another small cock-up. One of these days I’ll do a seamless show. Just you wait and see.

Monday 26 October

Wrote a small review of Sergeant’s debut album for the Jocknroll blog. It’ll certainly be one of my albums of the year come the time people start making lists of their albums/records/TV shows of the year, which is any time now.

Things have calmed down on the drive to and from work and while I’m still swearing like a trooper in the car at some of the imbeciles who’ve been allowed to grace out roads I’m less inclined to ‘out’ them on Twitter under the #baddriver tag. Had the gym to myself today. I’ve upped the Shoulder Press by 1 weight (4 to 5) and I’ve replaced “the plank” with some sit-ups for a few weeks just to see what difference they make.

I WON

Regular viewers will know I've been having battles with a number of battles with various organisations over a number of issues. Well, I've had a couple of victories, albeit minor ones.

The ILA have refunded my £200 through a most complex administration system. The learning provider had to "cancel" the course (even though I did it) and that would get the money back into my account. Now I go and do guitar lessons and I'm been thinking about doing sign language too. I was getting right into it having watching Mr Tumble on CBeebies. I found it quite exciting learning new words and their signs.

Orange have also stopped sending me stupid messages that I don't want, even though they promised before that they would cease. I still can't work out how my Calls Made/Missed Calls log has stopped since May 2008.

Asda still haven't phoned me back about the piss-poor service I got last week, which underlines my point.

The Dunfermline Press printed my letter this week about Councillor Martin; he was the one who insulted me in an e-mail and then made the rather stupid mistake of forwarding it on to me. He had sent a letter to the paper last week defending one of his party faithful who'd been slagged off by someone else in the paper. Pot kettle, Mr Martin, pot kettle. The DePress still aren't interested in my nomination for the National Hospital Radio Awards but they did feature the local girl who has made the last 10 for FHM's High Street Honeys. Can't think why!

You can hear my today on Jon Holmes' BBC6Music show between 2 and 4 (at about 3.45pm) talking about Journey's "Don't Stop Believing". I kid you not.

PISS POOR SERVICE

I had to leave work this morning to pick up my daughter because she's covered in spots. After two buses home, I picked her up from pre-school and drove her home. After an afternoon of "Lady and the Tramp" (interrupted by the window cleaner and a stupid saleswoman who didn't want to take no for an answer and asked for my address even though she was standing at my front door in front of the number with the street sign behind her. She can't read because we have one of the "No Salespeople" stickers in the window) and CBeebies.

A trip to the doctor confirmed our fears about chicken pox, although she's had it before. After picking up mummy from the station (a special "thank you" to the dickheads who continue to park at the entrance to the car park instead of IN the car park. We literally scraped past one Chelsea tractor but fuck 'em - your car's worth more than mine and parked stupidly so I hope the damage to your vehicle wasn't trivial) and dropping them home I head back out to Asda to pick up a prescription for Calamine Cream and get some petrol. There's is where the "fun" begins.

I get to the Pharmacy at the Halbeath Road branch of Asda in Dunfermline. I wait what seems like an eternity to get served. During this time I fill in the form on the back (thinking this might help the harassed-looking staff) and wait to be served. Finally, I'm served - it is now 1745. The lady looks at the script, turns and picks up a jar of cream from behind the counter. Instead of handing to me, she passes it to her colleague and turns to me to say "that'll be 20 minutes"! I'm speechless. She then, thinking I'm half daft, writes "6.05pm" on the collection receipt.

Incredulous, I wander off to find some bin bags and look at the DVDs. At 6pm exactly I return and take a seat. Having been told the script wouldn't be ready until 5 past I sit down and wait for my name to be called. And I wait...and I wait...

At 6.35pm one of the assistants finally asks me my surname - she may have been prompted by the steam coming out of my ears and face like thunder that met her question. I ask her rather firmly and in front of about seven other customers why it's taken her 35 minutes to ask me my surname, what did she think I was waiting there for - a bus? I ask why if they're so busy that people have to wait 20 minutes for a script, even when it's on a shelf behind them, does she have time for a 10-minute chat with a passing friend? I let her know in no uncertain terms how piss-poor I think the service and that I'll be making a complaint. (I almost failed to mention that while the backlog, like Ulrika Jonsson, continued to mount, the pharmacist actually pissed off somewhere else for 7-8 minutes too.)

Yet another long queue, now being told it'll be 30 minutes to get a prescription, is waiting as I storm off in the direction of Customer Services. The queue is quiet and has no doubt been hanging on to every word of the rather one-sided conversation. The clueless assistant seemed to indicate that it was ME who should have informed HER that I was there (I was sitting less than 3 feet away from her for 35 minutes). Not once did she enquire if I was being served, as any customer assistant worth their salt would have done. I finally received the cream some 50 minutes after I handed the prescription over. That, to me, is unacceptable.

I tried to stayed calm as a rather panicky Customer services assistant tried in vain to locate the Manager. After 5 minutes he showed up. As calmly as I could, I laid the facts in front of him, gave him my details and told him I was off to administer the cream to my chicken pox-ridden four year old. He said he would be in touch. I decided against getting petrol at Asda after all (fuck 'em) and drove home, still fuming. (I went to Tesco to get the fuel while the Good Lady Wife was watching Heston Bloomingheck.) Aaaarrrggghhh!!!!!