Here's Jonny!

Saturday 17 October

Having lost some weight and buffed up a bit I found that the two pairs of jeans I took to Crieff were hanging off me. We were in Asda (or Asdaz, if you’re a local) and could I find a pair of jeans in my waist and leg length? Could I hell. Everyone in Dunfermline must be built like a Rubik Cube.

Sunday 18 October

There was a bizarre moment during my radio show. I was playing John Holt’s “Ali Baba” and I was trying to find out some information about the song because I knew there was a story behind it. I found a website but as the record was finishing and I ejected the CD I could still here the intro of the song going round the studio in a loop. It turned out that, unlike my normal studio, if you visited a website that had background music it would come through the desk. This studio didn’t have an appropriate fader and for five minutes I was clueless as to where the sound was coming from. I eventually worked out it was coming from the PC and gave a huge sigh of relief. Every single week something goes wrong! But I console myself with the fact that it happens to professionals too.

I’m not a big Formula 1 fan but I watch the “big” races and well done to Jensen Button for a great drive in Brazil. No doubt he’ll be ensconced as favourite for Sports Personality of the Year. I felt sorry for Beth Tweddle who had also won a World Championship gold medal (on the floor, not her more favoured uneven bars – when did they stop calling them asymmetric?) but the BBC news was dominated by Jensen’s accomplishment. In fact it was lead story. Well done, Beth.

I get home from the radio station to find that Flick has spent the afternoon cutting out pictures from the Early Learning Centre catalogue to give to Santa. Bless.

Monday 19 October

In-car entertainment: Sergeant – Sergeant

We’re really enjoying the latest comedy import from the U S of A, Modern Family.

Tuesday 20 October

In-car entertainment to/from work: Sergeant – Sergeant (Shy Recordings 2009)

I spent the evening finishing off the questions, audio rounds and picture rounds for next week’s quiz night. I host it, with the Goody Lady Wife taking on the role of my glamorous assistant, Quizelda. She can’t take part because the quiz is organised by her employer’s social committee and it wouldn’t look right if her team won. Technically it’s a “corporate” and I get paid for it. I’ve done small quizzes for nothing previously but I do put a lot of effort into this one every year so I don’t feel bad about taking money for it. I print off all the answer sheets and score sheets too and give them to the teams in a wee pack. We give each team a bag of sweeties too. I start preparing it a few months in advance and many questions are written and jettisoned along the way. Being an attentive audience, who are only really there for the quiz, it tends to go at a fair pace so this year I’ve added more questions and an extra audio round. Buy one quiz, get 20% extra free!

I always get nervous about it until it gets under way and then I settle into it. I don’t really write a script as such as I feel it can come across as a bit lame if I “try and be funny”, especially when it’s not natural for me. Okay, I can be funny but I prefer to bounce off someone else and be more spontaneous.

Wednesday 21 October

“Music Like A Vitamin”

The doors were opening at 6.30 with, we had heard, things kicking off at 7. It wasn’t a lot of time to get to my “outlaws”, get fed and watered, change and get back into town, via public transport, through the multiple road works littering the capital.

A mid-afternoon e-mail to the HMV Picturehouse Box Office got a quick response (Dunfermline Alhambra take note) and I was surprised and rather glad to hear that Attic Lights would kick-off proceedings at 7.30 pm, followed by “Jonny” (Norman Blake, Euros Childs, Dave McGowan and Stuart Kidd), Idlewild’s Rod Jones and headliners Frightened Rabbit.

The two acts I really wanted to see were on first and I wasn’t sure we’d stay for the others but we stayed and were glad we did. Mrs Cat hadn’t heard much by Attic Lights and was suitably impressed by their harmonic rock. Having seen them several times in the last 18 months I already knew how brilliant (and sadly underrated) they are.

Attic Lights: Never Get Sick of the Sea, Dirty Thirst, Bad Day, God, ? (new song),
Stay Before You Leave, Late Night Sunshine, Man On Fire, Bring You Down

I’d seen Norman Blake and Euros Childs play together at Celtic Connections at the start of the year (on the same bill as Attic Lights) and I was amazed by their modern take on baroque folk pop. This time round Dave McGowan joined them on bass (a regular go-to guy for Teenage Fanclub, a Fifth Fanny if you like) and drummer Stuart Kidd. The quartet has completed an album, under the pseudonym Jonny, and it’s due out next year. On the basis of the tracks we heard it should be an essential purchase. The cartoon “Do The Cave Dance” took on an almost Spinal Tap-esque quality (all it needed was Stonehenge) as the expanded band gave the track went off on a psychedelic path. In introducing the track Norman suggested rather playfully that it had been specially written for Showaddywaddy until they realised they’d split up.

Jonny: Waiting Around For You, Candyfloss,? (new song), Which Is Which, Baby Lee, English Lady, Do The Cave Dance, Back To The Country

Being Rod Jones’ first gig neither he nor the crowd knew what to expect. He needn’t have worried as he went down well. My companions and I were, however, somewhat distracted by the female vocalist who accompanied him She seemed to be either, (a) dressed for backing Matt Bianco, (b) enjoying a game of pocket billiards, (c) bored by it all and (d) all of the above. Rod finished with a cover of John Martyn’s “Over The Hill”.

Maybe I’m just getting old and not as in touch with what “the kids” are listening to as I should be but I’d only heard one or two tracks by Frightened Rabbit previously and didn’t really know what to expect. We retired to the cushioned benches of the balcony (a nice change from rigid seats) to watch them strut their stuff. My initial impressions were of an early Cure, featuring the Joy Division drumming of Stephen Morris, but they grew on me and it’ll be interesting to see how their sound evolves. The kids in the stalls were certainly going wild for them.

Frightened Rabbit returned for an encore of “I Feel Better” before being joined on stage, Live Aid-style, by assorted members of Attic Lights and some of the event staff for rousing, if somewhat shambolic, covers of “Proud Mary”, “Teenage Kicks” and “Lust for Life”. I half expected Phil Collins and Bono to join them.

The bands had given their time and services for free and the £5 admission price was possibly the bargain of the century. The two pints of lager for £7.20 was most certainly not a bargain but that was the only complaint of a wonderful evening for a wonderful cause. I have to say I also liked the venue, with its unobtrusive security staff, comfy balcony benches and no booking fee policy for personal callers.

Thursday 22 October

Staying at my in-laws means I can take a short-ish bracing walk to work. Despite only having three pints last night (normally I drive to gigs on my own with only full fat Coke for sustenance), I’m rather tired today. The daily gym routine doesn’t help and any thoughts of attending the Jackie Leven gig in Kirkcaldy are soon forgotten.

I had hoped to nip to Kirkcaldy after the Good Lady Wife returns form her knitting group (no, seriously) but I just didn’t have the energy. He’s playing Glasgow on Saturday (hate the M8), Kilbarchan on Tuesday (where?), Inverness (too far on a school night), Comrie on Friday (hosting a quiz night) and Stirling next Saturday. The latter is a possibility. Since I learned to drive (two years ago now) I’ve been to gigs in Dundee, Perth and Darvel but never Stirling. I don’t think I’ve ever been to Stirling apart from witnessing a football match. To say, “witness” is a bit of an exaggeration as we were stood behind the goals and such was the blanket of fog on Stirling Albion’s ground that we couldn’t see past the halfway line! Luckily Jackie is one of those artists who doesn’t so much tour as constantly gig and even if I miss the Stirling gig he’ll back soon enough.

Friday 23 October

In-car entertainment to/from work: John Barry – Themeology

I’m still tired this morning but it’s Friday so I can console myself with a lie-in tomorrow. Okay, that’s maybe wishful thinking but hope springs eternal. With the Flickster back at school on Monday I hope I can get back into some semblance of a routine before Christmas and get back to my book.

Having written 25,000 words (albeit as extended notes), I’m desperate to find the time to get back to it. Lord knows where I’ll find it. Maybe I should just console myself with 45 minutes here, an hour there and just get on with it, albeit bit by tiny bit. Why is it that as soon as I stop taking CDs to the gym it gets quieter? Some days when I took my own music it was like Piccadilly Circus. Today I was on my Jack Jones with only Forth One’s Grant Stott for company. I don’t mind Grant but it would’ve been nice to blast a bit of Sergeant or even John Barry! I’m nothing if not eclectic. I think gym music should be about pleasure and not beats per minute.

Saturday 24 October

I drove to my mate Dave’s. We drank coffee, watched the football scores coming in, listened to the radio, played some Wii and quizzed each other from the Guinness Book of Hit Singles. It made for an enjoyable, relaxing few hours. I love “The Thick of It”! I was pleased to see it promoted to BBC2 rather than hidden away on BBC4 although the 10.10pm showing illustrates the strength of the “industrial” language used. It’s not for the faint-hearted.

Sunday 25 October

Today’s radio show was my Hallowe’en special. I figure it was better doing it six days early rather than 1 day late. It was an enjoyable show - a virtual repeat of last year’s - although once again I made another small cock-up. One of these days I’ll do a seamless show. Just you wait and see.

Monday 26 October

Wrote a small review of Sergeant’s debut album for the Jocknroll blog. It’ll certainly be one of my albums of the year come the time people start making lists of their albums/records/TV shows of the year, which is any time now.

Things have calmed down on the drive to and from work and while I’m still swearing like a trooper in the car at some of the imbeciles who’ve been allowed to grace out roads I’m less inclined to ‘out’ them on Twitter under the #baddriver tag. Had the gym to myself today. I’ve upped the Shoulder Press by 1 weight (4 to 5) and I’ve replaced “the plank” with some sit-ups for a few weeks just to see what difference they make.

Good Crieff, There's Been a Murder

Saturday 10 October 2009

Recently I noticed that the sticker on the front of our Vauxhall had split and looked a bit of a mess and I thought it would be easy enough to get a replacement. Boy, was I wrong. I e-mailed Vauxhall Customer Care and a Customer Care Manager called me to say I could get in touch with my local Vauxhall dealer and get one there. Due to work and other commitments I'd been unable to get in touch with said dealer and as a result I've been pestered by phone calls from Vauxhall Customer Service ever since. (I did attempt to e-mail the local dealer but their e-mail bounced back!) Vauxhall e-mailed me to say they hadn't been able to get in touch with me so I replied to suggest that they could just send me a sticker through the post. It seems that that is too straightforward and sensible. Customer Care called me yet again to say they couldn't send me a sticker (no reason given) and that I should contact my local dealer who would supply one "for a fee". "How much?", I enquired. "I don't know", came the unhelpful response.

I received an application for the quiz show "Pointless", which I'm glad has been re-commissioned. The rather excellent first series was essential viewing in our house, albeit on fast forward having been Sky Plussed. The combination of Alexander Armstrong and trusty statto sidekick cum beatnik Richard Osman works well and bring a certain gravitas to a quiz that would flounder under the stewardship of a lesser presenting team.

Sunday 11 October 2009

Another day preparing Flick's playroom before I head off to do my radio show, which features Beatles covers and Beatles novelty records as well as a track by John (the show is to "celebrate" his birthday on the 9th) himself.

Monday 12 October 2009

It's an early start and off to Crieff Hydro we go. K and I know we need this pampering break while Felicity just wants to see the pony! A slight detour on the outskirts of Crieff delayed our arrival but it wasn't long before we unpacked and headed straight for the pool. There's the free pool, with jacuzzi, steam room and sauna, and the altogether more peaceful adults-only facility, called the Victorian Spa, for a reasonable £10 a day. The latter will be tomorrow's treat.

After an uninspiring lunch at The Hub, we put a couple of entries in for the Monday lunchtime Crossword Challenge, one in K's name and one in Flick's, and were delighted to see Kirsty's name posted up on the noticeboard later on as that day's winner! Okay, so it wasn't exactly The Times crossword but a win's a win! What the Hydro really needs in the evening is a quiz night and I know just the man to host it.

Today I spot two women from the world of Scottish sport enjoying the delights of the Hydro, one a gold-medal winning World Champion athlete and the other an ex-athlete turned BBC Scotland sports presenter. I don't speak to them but, hey, they didn't recognise me either!

After a spot of outdoor table tennis and some Hide and Seek with Flick in the Victorian Garden (we got her to pose on top of an empty plinth as Usian Bolt - who needs Anthony Gormley?), we head to the Ballroom for some Ceilidh dance lessons. This is primarily for Flick's benefit in anticipation of our attendance at that evening's Jockanese hoe-down but she soon loses interest. For all my recently gained fitness I'm absolutely knackered by the end of it and suffering with shin splints. With Flick already tiring following the first-day holiday excitement I know we won't make the evening ceilidh. I'm right.

Tuesday 13 October 2009

Felicity is booked into Big Country, the Crieff Hydro kids club, to allow us some peace and quiet to do our own thang and for Flick to do likewise. She's probably glad to get rid of us, what with us cramping her 5-year old style.

I head off to the gym while Kirsty heads off to the pool for a paddle and a steam. After a spot of cycling, rowing and walking we head off to the Beauty Salon; Kirsty for the Ultimate Aromatic Facial Treatment and I went for the Full Body Massage. Surprisingly, K's treatment takes longer! A Latvian lady called Monica does my massage and it's amazing. I try and make polite conversation about Latvian Eurovision entries (she'd heard of Brainstorm but not FLY) and famous Latvians (no, me neither) but I soon relaxed into an amazing experience and one I can't recommend highly enough. I'm never sure if the hole on the bed is for putting your head into or for drooling through.

After an alfresco lunch at The Hub (better than yesterday's offering), Flick returns to Big Country and K and I head to the putting green for part 2 of the Johnno Olympics. Having won a tight game of "wiff waff" yesterday (23-21), I was looking to complete the double on the leaf and twig-strewn hilly 18 holes of the putting green. After sprinting out to a three hole lead after three holes K knocks in some cracking putts and the pressure is on me at the turn. K gets back to level but with form temporary and class permanent I hold her off to win 2 & 1. Get in there!

I head for a solitary 45 minutes in the snooker room while K heads off to do some quality knitting into a room called Loggia. With Crieff Hydro looking like an art deco building straight out of an episode of Poirot we've re-christened Loggia as The Murder Room. We collect Flick and head off for a pre-dinner swim.

Wednesday 14 October 2009

After brekkie flick heads off to her last morning of Big Country while Mummy and Daddy luxuriate in the child-free Victorian Spa. While there I share a jacuzzi with a well-known BBC Scotland presenter. At least she's cheerier than the World Championship gold medal winning athlete we've also spotted elsewhere in the Hydro. Talk about a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle...

After lunch in the Winter Room, adjacent to the Murder Room, it's off to the stables for Flick's pre-booked pony ride. Flick has talked of nothing else and as sure as eggs are eggs, as soon as she sees Polly the pony she cowers behind her mother and doesn't want to go anywhere near the most docile, timid animal you could ever meet. Eventually she is lifted on to Polly and taken for a circuit of the paddock, which I catch on my Flip Ultra for posterity. No-one is booked after Flick so she goes round again. This time she is persuaded to rub Polly's nose, albeit with a couple of gentle fingers. Once again the idea of a pony ride was a more exciting proposition that the actual event. No doubt, though, she'll be raving about it when she gets back to school!

After the pony ride we take the short walk into the one-horse town of Crieff. We'd heard there was a really good toy shop there and sure enough we found it easily. Flick's holiday money was spent on more Playmobil (a show jumping set and a Santa) before we took the long walk back. It's only a 5-minute to the town from the Hydro but then you realise that's because it's all downhill. It's about 15 minutes on the way back, especially with a weary child in tow.

I pop into the gym before joining the girls in the pool. Then it's off to the Brasserie for dinner.

Again we don't make the ceilidh but console ourselves with sweeties and Johnny Depp in the not-bad remake of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" on ITV.

Thursday 15 October 2009

We stuff our faces at breakfast, fill the car and head to the busy pool for one last swim. I hit the gym first and see the gold medallist and her husband on the cross-trainer and treadmill respectively. I stick to the bike and rowing machine as I don't want to show them up.

After the rest and relaxation of Crieff it's back to the "delights" of Flick's playroom. Where is Changing Rooms when you need it? The day is spent building Trofast furniture from IKEA and weeding out a lot of rubbish - broken toys, old magazines etc. It takes the rest of the day.

Friday 16 October 2009

It's a repeat of yesterday but we finally seem to be making some headway and Flick is finally allowed in to play late afternoon. There's still some de-cluttering to do but the bulk of it has been done. I'll be glad to get back to work for a rest.

I finish putting together Sunday's radio show and Flick beats me and K at Disney Trivia Pursuit.

Saturday 17 October 2009

I don't really know what to be at today. I've a mountain of things to do and I just don't know where to start. I end up doing some pretty aimless pottering until tea and then listen to Collins and Herring's Podcast 85 while the girls watch Strictly Dumb Prancing. I also listen to Frankie Boyle's free podcast during which he tries out stuff for Mock the Week. It's interesting to hear the stuff that doesn't work as well as the stuff that makes it on to the show.

Watch last night's A Question of Sport and then Match of the Day, which includes Sunderland's bizarre goal, which goes in off a beach ball.