TIME TO ARMAGEDDON

Maybe it's just because I'm on a downer at the moment or maybe it's I just that I feel the need to 'cleanse my soul' (or some such bullshit) but I'm giving serious thought to setting myself a Time To Armageddon, a day of reckoning, if you will, when things MUST change.

The idea is that if I'm not doing the job I want by a certain date, or at least in a more creative one than the soul-sucking excuse for employment I currently endure five days a week, I would cease any attempt to find work happiness and "jack in" my life as I know it.

I don't mean that I would take a leap off the top of the Forth Road Bridge or choke myself to death on cornflakes (see the film "That Sinking Feeling"). I wouldn't even get a tattoo and ride off into the sunset with a couple of whores (it's not the same having to get public transport instead of a motorbike). I mean that I would give my life a radical re-think and total declutter. While it would be stupid of me to jack in my job (she-who-must-be-obeyed-wouldn't-let-me anyway), I figured that on my preferred Day of Doom I would do the following:

Stop Blogging
Stop Twittering
Scrap my MySpace page
Scrap my Jocknroll website/blog
Stop writing
Stop hosting quiz nights
Stop doing my hospital radio show
Scrap my magazine subscriptions
Clear out all my e-mails

I give up too much of myself, my soul and my time for nothing and to a largely unappreciative audience. Why should I bother? What's the point? I'm getting nothing out it but stress and grief. Mentally, I'm spent.

Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself or maybe I'm just being a realist but we have so much physical and emotional shit to cart around and I am, quite frankly, sick of it. There just isn't enough time in the day to do those "when I get a day off" projects, which remain largely unfinished, and when they are complete take too much effort to maintain. Why bother?

How does 3 May 2010 sound? Is that good for you?

The Cat on "Where The Action Is" Kirkcaldy VRN 1287 AM - Sunday 15 March 2009

Here was tonight's playlist:

Nancy Sinatra - Last of the Secret Agents (Reprise 1966)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)
The Bats - Listen To My Heart (Decca 1966)
The Creation - Try and Stop Me (Planet 1966)
Emitt Rhodes - Fresh As A Daisy (ABC/Dunhill 1970)
The Crystals - Uptown (Philles 1962)
Linda Cumbo - Did You Ever Lose Your Mind (Over a Boy) (Select 1965)
The New Faces - (Walk Tall) Like A Man (Pye 1966)
Twinkle - Ain't Nobody Home But Me (Decca 1965) (Connect 3)
Billie Davis - Nobody's Home To Go Home To (Decca 1969) (Connect 3)
Darlene Love - Wait Til My Bobby Gets Home (Philles 1963) (Connect 3)
Jimmy Thomas - Where There's A Will (Mirwood 1966)
Linda Kaye - I Can't Stop Thinking About You (Columbia 1966)
Sly Stone - Luv 'N Haight (Epic 1971) (Birthday: Sly Stone 15/3/44)
The Marvelettes - Danger Heartbreak Dead Ahead (Motown 1975)
The In Crowd - Blow Up (demo) (Unreleased 1967)
Stone - Les Framboises (You're So Good To Me) (Decca 1966) (Foreign Language)
The Exciters - Run Mascara (Roulette 1965)
Tony Newman - Let The Good Times Roll (Half-Time Instrumental)
The Cryan' Shames - I Wanna Meet You (mono) (Destination 1966)
Marmalade - Butterfly (CBS 1969)
The Girlfriends - My One and Only Jimmy Boy (Colpix 1963)
Millie Foster - Love Wheel (President 1962)
The Staple Singers - When Will We Be Paid (For The Work We've Done) (Stax 1969)
The Byrds - Lady Friend (CBS 1967)
Camera Obscura - French Navy (4AD 2009) (Under The Influence)
Love Affair - A Day Without Love (CBS 1968)
The Beach Boys - This Whole World (Brother 1969)
Cindy Williams - They Talk About Us (Parlophone 1967)
Martha Reeves and the Vandellas - Motoring (Gordy 1965) (Connect 3)
The Supremes - You're My Driving Wheel (Motown 1976) (Connect 3)
The Kinks - Drivin' (Pye 1969) (Connect 3)
Jackie Lee - Anything You Want (Unreleased ?)
Jackie Lee - Love Is A Gamble (Pye 1969)
Amen Corner - Hey! Hey! Girl (Immediate 1969) (Two of a Kind)
Amen Corner - Our Love Is In Pocket (Decca 1968) (Two of a Kind)
The Shangri-las - Heaven Only Knows (Red Bird 1965)
The Rockin' Vickers - It's Alright (CBS/Columbia 1966)
Carole Deene - Some People (HMV 1962)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)

I WON

Regular viewers will know I've been having battles with a number of battles with various organisations over a number of issues. Well, I've had a couple of victories, albeit minor ones.

The ILA have refunded my £200 through a most complex administration system. The learning provider had to "cancel" the course (even though I did it) and that would get the money back into my account. Now I go and do guitar lessons and I'm been thinking about doing sign language too. I was getting right into it having watching Mr Tumble on CBeebies. I found it quite exciting learning new words and their signs.

Orange have also stopped sending me stupid messages that I don't want, even though they promised before that they would cease. I still can't work out how my Calls Made/Missed Calls log has stopped since May 2008.

Asda still haven't phoned me back about the piss-poor service I got last week, which underlines my point.

The Dunfermline Press printed my letter this week about Councillor Martin; he was the one who insulted me in an e-mail and then made the rather stupid mistake of forwarding it on to me. He had sent a letter to the paper last week defending one of his party faithful who'd been slagged off by someone else in the paper. Pot kettle, Mr Martin, pot kettle. The DePress still aren't interested in my nomination for the National Hospital Radio Awards but they did feature the local girl who has made the last 10 for FHM's High Street Honeys. Can't think why!

You can hear my today on Jon Holmes' BBC6Music show between 2 and 4 (at about 3.45pm) talking about Journey's "Don't Stop Believing". I kid you not.

CAT-ASTROPHIC

I got offered a job with the RSPCA but the office was too small. There wasn't enough room to swing a cat.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING IN JOURNEY

On Saturday afternoon I'll be taking part in the Soft Rock feature on Jon Holmes' BBC 6Music Show. It was bad enough writing an appreciation of Status Quo for The Scotsman (I got paid but I felt I'd sold my soul) but any credibility I have remaining will now be up in smoke as I wax lyrical about Journey's powerpop ballad classic "Don't Stop Believing".

The most frustrating thing about it is that I went into my large singles box this afternoon and it wasn't there. I must have got rid of it pending a raid from the taste police. I recall it was a double A-side with another of their other big US hits from the "Escape" album, "Who's Crying Now" and came in a die-cut sleeve. It was being used to "sell" Journey in the UK but it never really took off, peaking in the charts at number 62. The other A-side "Who's Crying Now" was released again in August 1982 and got to 46.

I also found this out:

"Don't Stop Believing", the classic Journey power ballad, has just become the first catalog track in history to achieve online digital sales of more than 2 million units, according to SoundScan.

First made available through the iTunes Store on April 28, 2003, the truly timeless "Don't Stop Believing" has become the top-selling catalog track in iTunes history and the sole catalog track to have crossed the 2 million (double platinum) threshold. (The term "catalog" is used to refer to a pre-digital era track released for digital sales prior to the launch of the iTunes Store.)

"Don't Stop Believin'" enjoyed a massive resurgence in popularity in June 2007 after serving as the soundtrack to the climactic final set-piece of HBO's hit mafia family television series, "The Sopranos." Download sales of the song on iTunes rocketed an incredible 482% for the period from Saturday, June 9th (the night before "The Sopranos" finale) through Tuesday, June 12th, of that year.

As downloads of Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" reached record numbers, demand for the band's CD catalog began accelerating and continue to this day."

Here are those singalong lyrics, reproduced with no permission whatsoever:

"Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world She took the midnight train goin' anywhere Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit He took the midnight train goin' anywhere A singer in a smokey room A smell of wine and cheap perfume For a smile they can share the night It goes on and on and on and on Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard Their shadows searching in the night Streetlights people, living just to find emotion Hiding, somewhere in the night Working hard to get my fill, everybody wants a thrill Payin' anything to roll the dice, just one more time Some will win, some will lose Some were born to sing the blues Oh, the movie never ends It goes on and on and on and on Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard Their shadows searching in the night Streetlights people, living just to find emotion Hiding, somewhere in the night Don't stop believin' Hold on to the feelin' Streetlights people Don't stop believin' Hold on Streetlight people Don't stop believin' Hold on to the feelin' Streetlights people"

Hell, who am I kidding? It's a guilty pleasure and no mistake. Now where did I put that poodle-perm wig?


Other songs selected so far have been:

Heart - There's The Girl
Angry Anderson - Suddenly
Posion - Every Rose Has It's Thorn
Toto - Africa*
Scorpions - Wind Of Change
Kiss - God Gave Rock N Roll To You
Warrant - Heaven
Stan Bush - The Touch
Whitesnake - Here I Go Again*
Bon Jovi - Runaway *
Stryper - Always There For You
Def Leppard - Love Bites
REO Speedwagon - Keep On Lovin' You*
Firehouse - Love Of A Lifetime
Guns N Roses - November Rain
Bryan Adams - Heaven
David Lee Roth - Just Like Paradise
Cheap Trick - The Flame*
Aerosmith - Angel

I would agree with the ones with asterisks (I haven't heard some of the others) but I would also add Quarterflash's "Harden My Heart", Heart's "Alone", Grand Prix's "Keep On Believing" (1 week at 75 in the UK chart), Pat Benatar's "Love Is A Battlefield", Huey Lewis and the News' "Do You Believe In Love" and Asia's "Heat of the Moment".

What would you pick?

PISS POOR SERVICE

I had to leave work this morning to pick up my daughter because she's covered in spots. After two buses home, I picked her up from pre-school and drove her home. After an afternoon of "Lady and the Tramp" (interrupted by the window cleaner and a stupid saleswoman who didn't want to take no for an answer and asked for my address even though she was standing at my front door in front of the number with the street sign behind her. She can't read because we have one of the "No Salespeople" stickers in the window) and CBeebies.

A trip to the doctor confirmed our fears about chicken pox, although she's had it before. After picking up mummy from the station (a special "thank you" to the dickheads who continue to park at the entrance to the car park instead of IN the car park. We literally scraped past one Chelsea tractor but fuck 'em - your car's worth more than mine and parked stupidly so I hope the damage to your vehicle wasn't trivial) and dropping them home I head back out to Asda to pick up a prescription for Calamine Cream and get some petrol. There's is where the "fun" begins.

I get to the Pharmacy at the Halbeath Road branch of Asda in Dunfermline. I wait what seems like an eternity to get served. During this time I fill in the form on the back (thinking this might help the harassed-looking staff) and wait to be served. Finally, I'm served - it is now 1745. The lady looks at the script, turns and picks up a jar of cream from behind the counter. Instead of handing to me, she passes it to her colleague and turns to me to say "that'll be 20 minutes"! I'm speechless. She then, thinking I'm half daft, writes "6.05pm" on the collection receipt.

Incredulous, I wander off to find some bin bags and look at the DVDs. At 6pm exactly I return and take a seat. Having been told the script wouldn't be ready until 5 past I sit down and wait for my name to be called. And I wait...and I wait...

At 6.35pm one of the assistants finally asks me my surname - she may have been prompted by the steam coming out of my ears and face like thunder that met her question. I ask her rather firmly and in front of about seven other customers why it's taken her 35 minutes to ask me my surname, what did she think I was waiting there for - a bus? I ask why if they're so busy that people have to wait 20 minutes for a script, even when it's on a shelf behind them, does she have time for a 10-minute chat with a passing friend? I let her know in no uncertain terms how piss-poor I think the service and that I'll be making a complaint. (I almost failed to mention that while the backlog, like Ulrika Jonsson, continued to mount, the pharmacist actually pissed off somewhere else for 7-8 minutes too.)

Yet another long queue, now being told it'll be 30 minutes to get a prescription, is waiting as I storm off in the direction of Customer Services. The queue is quiet and has no doubt been hanging on to every word of the rather one-sided conversation. The clueless assistant seemed to indicate that it was ME who should have informed HER that I was there (I was sitting less than 3 feet away from her for 35 minutes). Not once did she enquire if I was being served, as any customer assistant worth their salt would have done. I finally received the cream some 50 minutes after I handed the prescription over. That, to me, is unacceptable.

I tried to stayed calm as a rather panicky Customer services assistant tried in vain to locate the Manager. After 5 minutes he showed up. As calmly as I could, I laid the facts in front of him, gave him my details and told him I was off to administer the cream to my chicken pox-ridden four year old. He said he would be in touch. I decided against getting petrol at Asda after all (fuck 'em) and drove home, still fuming. (I went to Tesco to get the fuel while the Good Lady Wife was watching Heston Bloomingheck.) Aaaarrrggghhh!!!!!

The Cat on "Where The Action Is" Kirkcaldy VRN 1287 AM - Sunday 8 March 2009

Here was tonight's playlist for the award-nominated (did I mention that?) "Where The Action Is":

The Shangri-las - Give Him A Great Big Kiss (Red Bird 1965)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)
The Cyrkle - Turn Down Day (Columbia 1966)
The Stories - Love Is In Motion (Kama Sutra 1972)
Sharon Tandy - You Gotta Believe It (Atlantic 1968)
The Beas - International Girl (Label and year unknown)
13th Floor Elevators - (I've Got) Levitation (International Artists 1967)
Homer's Knods - Mr Rainbow (Pye 1969)
Annette Funicello - Pineapple Princess (Disneyland 1960) (Connect 3)
Little Eva - Sugar Plum (Give Me Some) (Unreleased 1968) (Connect 3)
Patsy Ann Noble - Sour Grapes (Columbia 1963) (Connect 3)
Julie Grant - Count On Me (Pye 1963)
The Liverbirds - Shop Around (Label and year unknown)
The Monkees - All The King's Horses (Unrelased 1966) (Birthday: Mickey Dolenz 8/3/45)
The Action - Shadows and Reflections (BBC 1967)
Norma Tracy & The Cinderella Kids - Skateboard Song (Label and year unknown)
Louise Cordet - Que m'a-t-il-fait? (Label and year unknown) (Foreign Language)
Billie Davis - I Want You To Be My Baby (Decca 1968)
The Rustlers - A Matter of Who (Pye 1961) (Half-Time Instrumental)
First Crow To The Moon - The Sun Lights Up The Shadows of Your Mind (Label Unknown 1967)
Aerovons - The Train (Parlophone 1969)
Jan and Dean - The Anaheim, Azusa & Cucamonga Sewing Circle, Book Review and Timing Association (Liberty 1964)
The Velvelettes - A Bird In The Hand (Is Worth Two In The Bush) (VIP 1965)
The Ashes - Let's Take Our Love (Label and Year Unknown)
Lulu - Rattler (EMI 1967)
The Thrills - Bug Sur (EMI 2003) (Under The Influence)
The Freshmen - Carpet Man (Pye 1968)
The Music Machine - The People In Me (Label Unknown 1967)
Herman's Hermits - Bus Stop (Columbia 1966)
Stamford Bridge - Happiness and Rainy Days (Label Unknown 1970) (Connect 3)
Julie London - February Brings The Rain (Liberty 1956) (Connect 3)
The Searchers - What Have You Done To The Rain? (Pye 1964) (Connect 3)
The Montanas - You're Making A Big Mistake (Pye 1968)
The Birdies - The Hucklebuck 65 (Label and Year Unknown)
Wilson Pickett - If You Need Me (Atlantic 1965) (Two of a Kind)
Wilson Pickett - Don't Fight It (Atlantic 1965) (Two of a Kind)
Two of Each - Trust (Pye 1969)
Sandie Shaw - Downtown (Pye 1965)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)

I would give tonight's show 9.75 out of10. I really enjoyed it.

Until next time, good night and good health...

RADIO KILLED THE RADIO STAR

Yesterday I attended a Radio Academy event at the Royal Concert Hall called "Foot in the Door". It was supposed to be just for radio students but, after initially being told I couldn't go, I was invited too. (Thanks to John Collins (no, not that one), Helliate and Laura.)

While in my ways I was glad I went I left feeling rather more depressed than when I arrived (and I've been very down this week). I took a lot of good information away and I certainly asked plenty of questions - I figured it might be my only chance.

The event was split into a number of sessions covering different areas of radio/broadcasting.

Imaging - Marketing a station's brand
Indies - Getting work on the BBC via independent producers
Music radio production - Selection and scheduling of music on the BBC and independent radio
Speech sequence radio production and presentation - Producing busy, regular speech radio
How to get your work commissioned - Exactly as it sounds
Podcasting - See above
Music Presentation Skills - What rocks on air and why
Community Radio - As it says

I plumped for Podcasting, How To Get Commissioned, Indies and Music Presentation Skills, although the last one seemed to have disappeared so I plumped for a very busy Speech Production table.

The podcasting table featured Karen Miller and Jim Gellatly, who already do their own (excellent) podcasts and Tony Currie who runs Radio Six International, an Internet radio station based in Glasgow. Most of the chat centred around money; namely licences from PPL and the mouthful that is the MCPS-PRS Alliance. While it made no attempt to cover up the realities I felt the dark clouds of doom begin to hover.

Cumulo Depressus showed no sign of disappearing through "How To Get Your Work Commissioned". Okay, maybe they were just being realistic about your chances of getting your ideas commissioned or even stolen but there was definitely an air of doom and gloom about it all.

The third table, after a very pricey lunch in the Concert Hall cafe, was even more depressing. Colin Somerville is someone I grew up listening to over many years and while it was great to put a face to the voice he seemed tinged with a world-weary sadness that didn't fill me with hope for my own chances of getting paid for doing what I love to do. Again, maybe he was just telling it like it is, keeping it real, making sure we were under no illusions as to how tough 'the business' is but it just made me feel like going home.

The last table, Speech Sequence Radio Production and Presentation, gave me a bit more hope. One thing I did learn is that Scott Wilson, resplendent in a lovely grey golfing jumper, doesn't need a microphone! Ever! I managed to chat with two of the panellists from this table later on, namely Graham Stewart and Stephen Hollywood, both who work for Radio Scotland. Graham presents "Morning Extra" on Radio Scotland and I phoned in on Christmas Eve to talk about two of the featured topics - Christmas records and working over the festive period. I was on air when I was on my way to do my Christmas Countdown show on VRN. I also had a chat with Stephen Hollywood, a senior Producer for Radio Scotland who looks after Fred MacAulay's Show. I was interviewed about the Jocknroll Best/Worst Album Poll by Fred and I spoke to Stephen about being a music contributor on the show. If you don't ask...

After an excellent closing speech by Trevor Dann and a brief chat with Jim I made my way to one of my least favourite places, Buchanan Street Bus Station. Even in broad daylight I'm very wary of the place.

While the event was well organised I did feel at times that I was on my own and spent a lot of wondering aimlessly around. I did meet and talk to a few people but most of them were the actual panel members for each group.

I like to thank the following people for their time and words of wisdom: Graham Stewart , Stephen Hollywood, Paul Saunders (Programme Director for Radio Clyde who allowed me to foist my demo on to him), Nick Low (Demus Productions, who voted in the Jocknroll Singles poll), Karen Miller, Tony Currie and last, but not least, the larger-than-life Jim Gellatly, who did a little piece to camera for a rolling Jocknroll project that I'm working on (and not telling you about yet).

NO WONDER I'M DePRESSED

As regular readers will be aware I’ve been short listed for the Best Newcomer award at the National Hospital Radio Awards. I’m rightly proud of my achievement thus far and why shouldn’t I be? I worked hard for it and I always say that if you don’t blow your own trumpet, no one else will.

The radio station I’m on doesn’t seem to have a policy when it comes to issuing press releases to publicise events and achievements so, with the chairman’s permission, I put one together myself. The small but perfectly-formed press release, in which I actually gave top billing to my colleague John who is nominated in one of the more prestigious categories (Male Presenter of the Year, which he has won twice), was e-mailed to the local free papers, as well as the Fife Free Press and the Dunfermline Press. The radio station is based in Kirkcaldy but I sent the information to the Dunfermline Press because I figured that they might just be interested in a story of a local resident doing good.

I had hoped that making the final 10 of a national competition might be deemed newsworthy but, no, they weren’t interested. (I don’t know if it was in any of the free papers because the one week in which I wanted to read them they never appeared!) Anyway, imagine my surprise when I saw THIS STORY from this week’s Dunfermline Press.

Now why do you suppose that my story didn’t make it and this one did? We’re both in the running to win a UK-wide competition and yet the tall, leggy, big-breasted father-of-one is ignored in favour of a 23-year-old phlebotomist*.

Maybe if I offered to lie down in my vest and pants they’d print my story too.

The newspaper’s snubbing of me may have something to do with the time I took them to the Press Complaints Commission over their attempt at character assassination. I’ve also written to their letters page about issues that I thought would be of interest to them and local residents only to find my letter doesn’t appear in print and but a story on the same subject appears elsewhere in the paper. No thanks, no acknowledgment, nothing.

I’ve also been known to point out their spelling mistakes and grammatical errors so maybe it’s understandable that they might want to take their “revenge” by ignoring a perfect decent little story. It’s their choice, albeit a rather sad one, if they want to cut off their nose to spite their face.

What is rather ironic is that there’s a possible follow-up story/photo-opportunity because Stagecoach have kindly offered to sponsor us on our trip to Blackpool by loaning us a 7-seater people carrier, complete with a tank of petrol.

The only problem is that the DePress hates Stagecoach more than it hates me!

The Cat
=^..^=

* If Ms McDaid wins she gets £10,000, an appearance on the cover of FHM and a chance to present a music show on KISS TV. My prize, if I’m lucky enough to win, will be a certificate, a mention in On-Air magazine (the official journal of the Hospital Broadcasting Association) and the undying admiration of my family and friends. (There used to be cash prizes but times are hard). Ms McDaid says she’ll buy her mother Botox, while I’ll be lucky if I can afford a stick of rock.

The Cat on "Where The Action Is" Kirkcaldy VRN 1287 AM - Sunday 1 March 2009

Here was tonight's "fame" playlist:

Heinz - Just Like Eddie (Decca 1963)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)
David Bowie - Andy Warhol (RCA 1971)
Twiggy - When I Think of You (Ember 1967)
Gloria Hunniford - Are You Ready for Love (Tangerine 1969)
Sophia Loren - Zoo Be Zoo Be Zoo (Parlophone 1961)
John Leyton - The Great Escape (HMV 1963)
Billy Boyle - My Baby's Crazy 'Bout Elvis (Decca 1962)
Bonnie Jo Mason (Cher) - Ringo I Love You (Annette 1964) (Connect 3)
Polly Perkins - You Too Can Be A Beatle (Oriole 1964) (Connect 3)
Rainbo (Sissy Spacek) - John You Went Too Far This Time (? 1968) (Connect 3)
Marlene Dietrich - Near You (? 1957)
Mike Berry & The Outlaws - Tribute To Buddy Holly (HMV 1961)
Adrienne Posta - Shang A Doo Lang (Decca 1964) (Birthday: Adrienne Posta 1/3/48)
Patrick Macnee/Honor Blackman - Kinky Boots (Deram 1964)
Mark Wynter - Can I Get To Know You Better (Pye 1965)
Brigitte Bardot - Moi Je Joue (Mercury 1964) (Foreign Language)
Maya Angelou - Since Me Man Done Gone and Went (Liberty 1957)
David McCallum - The Edge (Capitol 1967) (Half-Time Instrumental)
Jimmy Tarbuck - Someday (You'll Want Me To Love You) (Immediate 1965)
Josephine Baker - Don't Touch My Tomatoes (Label/Year Unknown)
Cilla Black - Work Is A Four Letter Word (Parlophone 1968)
Anita Harris - Something Must Be Done (Pye 1966)
Bruce Forsyth - I'm Backine Britain (Pye 1968)
Jayne Mansfield - That Makes It! (? 1966)
OMD - Pandora's Box (Virgin 1991) (Under The Influence)
Gillian Hills - Tomorrow Is Another Day (Vogue 1965)
Shirley Abicair - You Can't Hide A Broken Heart (Piccadilly 1967)
Peter Cook & Dudley Moore/The Breakaways - Bedazzled (Decca 1967)
Diana Dors - So Little Time (Fontana 1964) (Connect 3)
Linda Thorson - Here I Am (Ember 1968) (Connect 3)
Jenny Moss - Big Boys (Columbia 1963) (Connect 3)
Judy Carne - Sock It To Me (Reprise 1968)
Janice Nicholls - I'll Give It Five (Decca 1963)
Alison Wonder* - Once More With Feeling (Columbia 1970) (Two of a Kind)
Cheryl St. Clair* - I'll Forget You Tonight (Columbia 1967) (Two of a Kind)
Marilyn Monroe - Heatwave (? 1954)
Lenny Gamble** - I'll Do Anything (Anything She Wants) (Polydor 1973)
Susan Hampshire - When Love Is True (Decca 1965)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)

*Singing nom-de-plumes for Cheryl Barrymore, wife of Michael
**Tony Blackburn does Northern Soul

Tonight's show was probably a 8/10. I forgot one of the tracks I was going to play and it through me for a few minutes.

Until next time, good night and good health...

The Cat on "Where The Action Is" Kirkcaldy VRN 1287 AM - Sunday 22 March 2009

Here was tonight's "fame" special playlist:

The Chiffons - Nobody Knows What's Going On In My Mind But Me (Laurie 1965)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)
Petula Clark - Heart (Pye 1965)
The Goodies - Sophisticated Boom Boom (Blue Cat 1965)
Syreeta Wright - I Can't Give You Back The Love I Feel (Gordy 1968)
Dorothy Berry - You're So Fine (Challenge 1963)
The Fabulettes - Try The Worryin' Way (Sound Stage 7 1966)
Cilla Black - I've Been Wrong Before (Parlophone 1965)
The Caravelles - Hey Mama You've Been On My Mind (Polydor 1966) (Connect 3)
Etta James - Tell Mama (Chess 1968) (Connect 3)
Barbara Carr - My Mama Told Me (Chess 1966) (Connect 3)
The Breakaways - That's How It Goes (Pye 1964)
Denria Lynn - I'd Much Rather Be With the Girls (Capitol 1965)
The Yardbirds - For Your Love (Birthday: 22/3/43 Keith Relf)
Dusty Springfield - I Can't Wait Until I See My Baby's Face (Phillips 1967)
The Geminis - A Friend of Mine (RCA Victor 1966)
Liz Brady - Partie de Dames (Pathe 1966) (Foreign Language)
Earl Jean - I'm Into Something Good
The Ramblers - Just for Chicks (Decca 1963)(Half-Time Instrumental)
Connie Francis - Don't Ever Leave Me (MGM 1964)
Little Eva - Keep Your Hands Off Of My Baby (London 1962)
Carole King - Crying In The Rain (Dimension 1963)
Bessie Banks - Go Now (Tiger 1964)
Mary Wells - Bye Bye Baby (Motown 1960)
Barbara Lewis - Don't Forget About Me (Atlantic 1966)
Fanny - Long Road Home (Reprise 1973) (Under The Influence)
Sylvan - We Don't Belong (Columbia 1965)
Ellie Greenwich - You Don't Know (Red Bird 1965)
Peanut - Thank Goodness For The Rain (Pye 1965)
Ruby and the Romantics - When You're Young and In Love (Kapp 1964) (Connect 3)
The Emeralds - Wanna Make Him Mine (Jubilee 1964) (Connect 3)
The Sapphires - Who Do You Love (Swan 1963) (Connect 3)
Shirley Matthews - Big Town Boy (Atlantic 1963)
Jackie DeShannon - Dream Boy (Unreleased 1964)
Mama Cass - Dream A Little Dream of Me (Dunhill 1968) (Two of a Kind)
Mama Cass - It's Getting Better (Dunhill 1969) (Two of a Kind)
Cher - Dream Baby (Imperial 1964)
The Girls - Chico's Girl (Capitol 1966)
Fanny - Charity Ball (Reprise 1970)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)

IN IT TO WIN IT – COMPING IS THE NEW ROCK ‘N’ ROLL

In these financially stretched times people are looking at ways in which to make money or get something for nothing.

Since time immemorial, my favoured way of getting ‘owt for nowt’ has been crosswords, competitions and free prize draws. While I have dabbled in slogan competitions, with limited success it has to be said, I prefer to take my chances in the first-out-of-the-hat/waste paper basket/receptacle of choice (delete as applicable) arena.

While family responsibilities and the damned inconvenience that is work have taken up most of my time, I still keep my hand in. The explosion of the information super dual carriageway that is the Interweb has seen infinite comping opportunities. While the barely-read, hardly-entered comps of local and free newspapers are still a favourite the Internet is the place to go for all manner of gratis booty and all for sending an e-mail or filling in an online form.

Over the years Mrs Cat and I have won many, many prizes (probably in the thousands) and even our daughter has received the reward many compers long for – the LWE. The receipt from your postie of a Long White Envelope is often met with an anticipatory thought of “ooh…I wonder…”. While the LWE is still much sought after, I tend to receive more CJBs (Chunky Jiffy Bags) these days, usually containing a CD, DVD or book.

In the early days of comping it wasn’t so easy to get rid of the unwanted runners-up prizes but now eBay has turned the worst of prizes, even that John and Norma Major jigsaw*, into a money-maker.

(* The Big Issue used to make it easy to enter all the comps on one page by putting all your postcards in one envelope and I was a very regular winner, including the aforementioned jigsaw. Often I would win more than one prize in an issue. I no longer have this jigsaw; it went to a charity shop).

Here are some of our family competition win highlights:

1996: Damien Hirst Beck's bottle and t-shirt (x 2), 48 cans of Hooch (from 85 prizes)
1997: Chance to take penalty kicks against John Leslie at Easter Road during Hibs-Rangers (from 46 prizes)
1998: £500 sports vouchers (from loads of prizes)
1999: Case of sherry/cooler/apron/towels (from 52 prizes)
2000: Fridge freezer/£200/Hi Fi** (from 33 prizes)
2001: Rough Trade 25th anniversary goodies, DVD player (from loads of prizes)
2002: £2000** (from 13 prizes, a barren year)
2003: Weekend break, portable TV (from 29 prizes)
2004: Loads of little prizes (30)
2005: 10 Billy Connolly DVDs (from 23 prizes)
2006: £300 Sony Centre vouchers (from 28 prizes)
2007: Bowie/Marley/Presley books, signed electric guitar (from 13 prizes)
2008: Travelodge Weekend for 4 (from 14 prizes)

**TV game show wins

Okay so no cars, big holidays or huge cash amounts, let alone that van load of stuff they give away on The Gadget Show but they keep coming, although competition, so to speak, is more fierce.

I have to confess that one of my first comp wins was for tickets (and a signed album) for what turned out to be my first ‘proper’ gig. While the “cool” people will wax lyrical on seeing T-Rex at Manchester Free Trade Hall or David Bowie at Murrayfield, my first live musical experience was courtesy of play-pause-play jazz-funk specialists Shakatak. Of course, if anyone asks I substitute the truth with my second gig, Aztec Camera at Edinburgh’s Queen’s Hall in December 83 supported by Hurrah and Tempa.

From relative soft drug of comps, crosswords and free prize draws I made the natural progression to the hard stuff of game/quiz shows and I’ll share my thoughts and experiences on that subject in the near future. Don’t do Countdown kids; it really screws you up.

STILL ILL - UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE RANT

Sadly, I was unable to do my radio show on Sunday due to a bout of vomiting and diarrhoea that Linda Blair would've been proud of. I lay the blame firmly on the KFC I had on Friday night, which woke me up at 4.30 on Sunday morning sweating like Michelle McManus in a cake shop. I didn't learn my lesson from the last KFC I had, which had the same effect. Next time, I'll have fish and chips.

Thanks to the BBC and the print media for spoiling the result of tonight's University Challenge final. By featuring high-scoring Gail Trimble, the captain of Corpus Christi, in today's papers and on the 6 o'clock news the result is rather inevitable. They didn't actually give the result out as such but I'm thinking if she'd crashed and burned in the final there wouldn't have been so much coverage. Thank you BBC for spoiling the outcome of one of my few weekly pleasures.

While I admire her intellect on academic subjects she would still struggle to get into my pub quiz team. Could she name the four Banana Splits or the England international footballer whose first four caps were under four different managers? I very much doubt it. As for her being the "thinking man's crumpet", well, she's not that good looking. Does being intelligent automatically make a woman sexy? In fact, I think she's quite plain, not ugly, just plain. She reminds me of a bespectacled Melissa Gilbert in "Little House on the Prairie". All she needs is the pigtails and the Amish get up.

We had the same hysteria in 2007 when Daisy Christodoulou led Warwick University to victory. Was she intelligent? Yes. Was she attractive? Maybe. Would we have the same press coverage if a man was so dominant? I doubt it.

TWITTER v BLOGGING, COMPLAINTS, WEBSITE HELP NEEDED

It seems that since I joined Twitter I’ve stopped Blogging, well almost. Although the more I think about it I know that’s it simply because I’ve been so busy. I’ve attended two one-day courses this week; one to do with Dreamweaver, which I’m using to upgrade the Jocknroll website, and one for work to do with my employer’s new Intranet/Content Management site. Both were interesting in their own ways and I look forward to utilising what I’ve learned.

It seems to be feast or famine with me when it comes to Blogging. I had a ‘rich vein of form’ recently but I’ve only posted my radio show track lists since then. Mind you, I’ve been replying to entries by Clair, Modern Gutnish and Avenues and Alleyways who are never anything less than interesting.

I’ve had some more Recommends in The Scotsman:
- Best Slosh Songs
- Best Unfinished Scottish Things
- Best Scottish Lurve Song

I’m still having issues with the ILA and my learning provider (I’ve lost £200 in funding thanks to a cock-up), the BPI (no reply yet regarding my Brits observations), E.ON (no reply to two e-mails) and Orange (still getting messages that I was told would stop) and when any of them get back to me I’ll let you know what they say.

I enjoyed a Twittering menage-a-twit during The Brits with Jim Gellatly and Joe McAlinden on Wednesday. Rather ironically, I didn’t actual watch it and instead chose to comment on their observations.

More work is required on the Jocknroll website and I’m looking to join up with Amazon Affiliates. Yeah, selling my soul a bit but I’m not greedy. I just want to make enough to pay for the running of the site and to maybe get some Jocknroll t-shirts and badges made. I’ve added a whole load of new album sleeves this week and I’m now looking into things like Keywords, Descriptions and Google Analytics. (The site does have some text embedded to do with Analytics already but I can’t access the information. You won’t be surprised to know that I’ve e-mailed them for help.)

I need to think about what direction I want the site to go in. Any ideas? Maybe we should run another poll. I need to add more Artist links, as well as checking all the links on the Links page to ensure that they’re still extant. I hate going on to other websites and finding out-of-date links.

Does anyone know the best way to get up to date Scottish Music News on to the website? RSS perhaps. Or even General Music News in which I can weed out the non-Scottish stuff.

I’d appreciate any comments on the Jocknroll website from my Blogging Buddies. I can take it on the chin(s), whatever your observations are.

Does anyone know how I can link the headlines from my Jocknroll Blog entries to the main website, maybe like a news ticker-tape? I’m also looking at adding a new Contacts page on the Jocknoll website with Blogger and Twitter widgets embedded. Does anyone know how, and if, I can do this? Questions, questions, so many questions.

"WHERE THE ACTION IS" on TWITTER

It's 1610 and I'm at the studio for my hospital radio show. I'll be twittering throughout it to let you know what I'm playing. Join me at Twitter from 1700 (until 1900) for my lurve special. If you're expecting Mariah Carey or The Bangles, you'll be mightily disappointed.

Twitter is the best way to know WHAT I'm playing WHEN I'm playing it, mainly because I'm not allowed to tell you what I'm playing before I play it. Some radio regulation.

Testify!

The Cat
=^..^=

The Cat on "Where The Action Is" Kirkcaldy VRN 1287 AM - Sunday 15 February 2009

Here was tonight's fine playlist:

The Ronettes - Baby I Love You (Philles 1964) RIP Estelle Bennett
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)
The Valentines - Get Yourself Together (Sound Stage 7)
Brian Poole & The Tremeloes - Do You Love Me (Decca 1963)
The Sweethearts - No More Tears (Kent 1966)
The Morning Glories - Love-In (Warners 1967)
The Moody Blues - Love and Beauty (Decca 1967)
The Goodnight Kisses - Devil In The Dark (Atco 1964)
The Turtles - Guide for the Married Man (White Whale 1967) (Connect 3)
The Knack - (The Man from the) Marriage Guidance & Advice Bureau (Piccadilly 1968) (Connect 3)
The Delicates - I Want To Get Married (Challenge 1965) (Connect 3)
Peter London - I'm Your Lovin' Man (Unreleased 1965)
Love Affair - Everlasting Love (CBS 1968)
The Kinks - I Need You (Pye 1965) (Birthday: Mick Avory, drummer, 15/2/44)
The Monkees - Love To Love (unreleased 1967)
The Bobby Fuller Four - My True Love (Mustang 1966)
John Leyton - John C'est L'Amour (Son This Is She) (HMV 1961) (Foreign Language)
The Belles - Cupid's Got A Hold On Me (Unreleased 1966)
Dave Clark Five - First Love (Piccadilly 1962) (Half-Time Instrumental)
The Action - Love Is All (Unreleased 1967/1968)
The New Breed - Friends and Lovers Forever (Decca 1965)
Cliff Bennett & The Rebel Rousers - I'm In Love With You (Parlophone 1961)
Felice Taylor - Captured By Your Love (Kent 1968)
The Athenians - I Got Love If You Want It (Waverley 1964)
George Chakiris - Heart of a Teenage Girl (Triumph 1960)
BMX Bandits - Love Makes The World Go Round (Creation 1996) (Under The Influence)
Billy Fury - When Will You Say I Love You (Decca 1963)
Barbara Ruskin - Light of Love (Piccadilly 1966)
Reparata and the Delrons - Why Do Lovers Break Each Others Hearts? (Unreleased 19??)
Dickie Valentine - Venus (Chancellor 1959) (Connect 3)
April Stevens - Lovin' Valentine (Atco 1965) (Connect 3)
Chet Baker - My Funny Valentine (? 1962) (Connect 3)
The Looking Glass - Silver and Sunshine (How Wonderful Is Our Love) (Valiant 1967)
The Puppets - Three Boys Lookin' For Love (Pye 1964)
Love - The Daily Planet (Elektra 1967) (Two of a Kind)
Love - You Set The Scene (Elektra 1967) (Two of a Kind)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)

LAST NIGHT'S TELLY

Wasn't last night's telly great?

First there was a welcome repeat of "The High Life" on BBC4. It was the episode where Sebastian and Steve enter the Song for Europe competition with their lyrical masterpiece "Pif Paf Pof". "Oh, dearie me!"



This was followed by "Early Doors", which seemed to have slipped under the radar for many people. Think The Royle Family but set in a pub with Roddy Frame doing "Small World" for the theme tune. Excellent. "Crime Can't Crack Itself!"



The second series of the much talked about "Mad Men" ensued at 10. So glad it's back!



"Shameless" on Channel 4 clashed with "Mad Men" so we Sky+ it. This is followed by another comedy that everybody I work with doesn't watch, "The Big Bang Theory".



There's even a website where you can buy some of the stuff the Big Bang Theory characters wear. It's at www.sheldonsshirts.com My favourite character is Howard Wolowitz, who looks like he was in the Lovin' Spoonful. Testify!

What's on tonight? Fuckin' "Waterloo Road"! Thankfully "Damages" is back on Sunday.

MY SPACE TOO

Letter to the DePress:

“Last night (Monday 9th Feb) I witnessed two cars, each parked across TWO spaces within the car park at the Woodmill Road side of the Dunfermline Town train station car park. Not only that but one of them was parked across two of the extra-wide spaces set aside for the disabled. They didn't have a blue badge. Is there no end to people's stupidity and selfishness?

What's the point in having parking restrictions if they're not enforced?”

JOB DEVALUATION

Found out last week that my job has been devalued and I’m dropping two pay points under the new scheme. Along the corridor, people in a similar role have gone up two pay points. And, just to rub salt further into the gaping wounds, we’re now being asked to do some of their work because their department has staffing issues. This is also despite them having access to a further nine members of staff within their own department. Is it any wonder I’m so depressed? It is yet another kick in the teeth from an employer who really must hate me. If I get demoted any lower I’ll be serving bacon rolls in the canteen next week (actually it would probably give me more job satisfaction.)

TALKIN’ ‘BOUT MY REGENERATION

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/south_of_scotland/7881594.stm

Whilst I would nominate my home town of Dunfermline, I sometimes think that people get the town centre they deserve. Who would get your vote?

MUSIC LIKE A VITAMIN - SONG APPEAL

"Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy. Music is the electrical soil in which the spirit lives, thinks and invents.

Ludwig van Beethoven

The Scottish Mental Health Arts and Film Festival would like YOU to suggest songs that inspire hope. We are looking for songs that inspire, uplift, provoke thought and stir the heart; songs which have offered you hope and encouragement in moments of feeling down as well as songs that encourage self-empowerment.

The songs YOU suggest, from sad songs, to love songs, songs about relationships and life, songs to empower, anti-war songs and environment songs, will be collated by the Scottish Mental Health Arts and Film Festival along with some of Scotland's finest musicians. The collection of songs you suggest will be used to inform the Music like a Vitamin strand of the festival in October 2009, and will possibly be performed at one of the festival gigs.

Here are some suggestions to stir your thoughts:

Lou Reed: Perfect Day
Bob Marley/Joe Strummer: Redemption Song
The Clash: London Calling
David Bowie: Heroes
The Smiths: There is a Light and It Never Goes Out
Johnny Cash: Jackson
John Martyn: Over the Hill
Arcade Fire: Intervention
The Ramones: I Wanna Be Sedated
The Undertones: My Perfect Cousin/Teenage Kicks
Elvis Costello: Good Year for the Roses
Bruce Springstein: I’m on Fire
Metallica: Nothing Else Matters
Guns and Roses: Sweet Child O' Mine
Beatles: Hey Jude
Elvis: I Just Can’t Help Believing

Please email your suggestions to mhfest@gmail.com, naming song and artist or visit us at: Mental Health Festival website or www.myspace.com/artsandfilmfestival

Scottish Mental Health Arts and Film Festival (1 – 22 October 2009)

Pamela Clarke
Marketing Lead
Scottish Mental Health Arts and Film Festival
http://mentalhealthfestival.dreamhosters.com/

The Mental Health Foundation
Merchants House | 30 George Square, Glasgow G2 1EG
0141 572 1662 | 07966 312 013

The Cat sent in these suggestions:

The Beach Boys – Forever (LOVE – My wedding/first dance song!)
"If every word I said could make you laugh, I’d talk forever"

Smokey Robinson and The Miracles – Tears of a Clown (SADNESS OF A SPURNED LOVER)
"If there’s a smile on my face, it’s only there trying to fool the public"

Verdelle Smith (also covered by Caroline Munro/Young Idea or the original Italian version by Adriano Celentano) – Tar and Cement (ECOLOGY)
"I looked for the meadows, there wasn't a trace,
six lanes of highway had taken their place,
where were the lilacs and all that they meant,
nothing but acres of tar and cement."

Jackie Lee – The Town I Live In (BOREDOM OF SUBURBIA)
"The town I live in has 27 churches"

The Foundations – Now That I’ve Found You
Brian Wilson – Love and Mercy
Elvis Costello – I Want You
Prokofiev – Romeo and Juliet
Billy Bragg – The Milkman of Human Kindness
Roddy Frame – Reason for Living
The Isley Brothers - Harvest for the World (anti-war)
Buffy Sainte-Marie - Universal Soldier (anti-war)
Pete Seeger – Where Have All The Flowers Gone? (anti-war)
Edwin Starr – War (anti-war)
Marvin Gaye – What’s Going On? (anti-war)

TICKETBASTARDS OF THE WORLD UNITE

The ticket above is a reminder, to me at least, of a lost age. Along with the (virtual) disappearance of Woolworths, cassettes and Top of the Pops, the day when you could put a cheque for £6 in an envelope, post it to a tiny record shop in a little town and, within a week, receive a ticket from them for that prized gig are long gone. Or at least on their way out.

The news that Ticketmaster and Live Nation are planning a merger/monopoly will, for me at least, see the end of me going to "big" gigs. Not that I was ever really a fan of them in the first place. Who wants to stand a mile from the stage, listening to a distance hiss masquerading as music, in a field with pissed up arseholes who only want to hear "the hits" (what, you saw REM at Murrayfield too?).

With more add-ons than Facebook, Ticketmaster have always got right up my nose. Fees for "admin" (that's printing them off and putting them in an envelope), fees for postage (with a tidy bet over for profit) and fees for putting the MDs children through school. Apparently there's the facility whereby you can print them off at home but they still charge YOU. More neck than a bag of giraffes.

Remember when it was all about the ticket price? The ticket above, from The Smiths' 7-date Scottish tour of 1985, cost me £6. Okay, £6 and a stamped-addressed envelope, but, to all intents and purposes, £6. Now it seems there is no limit to the number and amount of charges adding on to the face value. Ticketmaster doesn't stop there though. They recently apologised to Bruce Springsteen (read all the comments too) and his fans after people wishing to buy tickets were redirected to a site, TicketsNow, which sold tickets at even more extortionate rates.

With the exception of the Edinburgh and Glasgow gigs, when I bought the tickets in person in the capital, all my tickets for The Smiths tour of 1985 were bought by sending a cheque and an SAE. I saw Norman Blake and Davie Scott, ably supported by the reformed Vaselines, and it cost £10. There was no booking fee, no admin fee, no building facility fee and no credit card fee. Well done to the Carnegie Hall in Dunfermline.

It guess it won't be long before this becomes a major problem in Britain and by the time anything is done to stop it it'll be too late. Please support your local venues and your local bands and give them your money rather than some monopolistic behemoth of a company whose watchword is greed.

The Cat
=^..^=

Further reading HERE.

The Cat on "Where The Action Is" Kirkcaldy VRN 1287 AM - Sunday 8 February 2009

Here was tonight's fine playlist:

John Martyn - May You Never (Island 1973)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)
Shelley Fabares - The Things We Did Last Summer (Colpix 1962)
Tammy St. John - Life and Soul of the Party (Pye 1966)
The Pan Pipers - Stop (Pye 1969)
Joey Vine - Out of Towner (Immediate 1965)
Petula Clark - Reach Out I'll Be There (Pye 1967)
Del Shannon - Keep Searching (Follow The Sun) (Stateside 1964)
The Left Banke - Pretty Ballerina (Smash 1966) (Connect 3)
Elton John - Tiny Dancer (DJM 1972) (Connect 3)
The Action - Land of a Thousand Dances (Parlophone 1965) (Connect 3)
Sandra Barry - Question (Pye 1965)
The Royal Playboys - Arabia (Dode 19??)
The Union Gap featuring Gary Puckett - Lady Willpower (Birthday: Paul Wheatbread, drummer, 8/2/46)
Les Variations - She'll Know I'm Sorry (Immediate 1965)
Jackie Trent - Take Me Away (Pye 1967)
Adriano Celentano - Il Ragazzo Della Via Gluck ("Tar and Cement") (label and year unknown) (Foreign Language)
Mally Page - I'm Tired Just Looking At You (Pye 1965)
The Tornados - The Ice Cream Man (Decca 1963) (Half-Time Instrumental)
The Parliaments - Time (Revilot 1968)
The Factotums - Can't Go Home Anymore My Love (Immediate 1966)
The Kinks - She's Got Everything (Pye 1968)
Buffalo Springfield - For What It's Worth (Atco 1967) RIP Dewey Martin
The Poets - Baby Don't You Do It (Immediate 1966)
The Spectres - (We Ain't Got) Nothin' Yet (Piccadilly 1967)
Primal Scream - Movin' On Up (Creation 1992) (Under The Influence)
Dickey Lee - She Wants To Be Bobby's Girl (Label and year unknown)
Tony Jackson Group - Fortune Teller (Pye 1965)
Peter's Faces - Suzi Q (Piccadilly 1965)
Bobby Bare - Detroit City (RCA 1963) (Connect 3)
Tony Rivers & The Castaways - The Girl from Salt Lake City (Immediate 1966) (Connect 3)
The Shangri-las - The Train from Kansas City (Red Bird 1965) (Connect 3)
October Country - October Country (Epic 1968)
Del Capris - Hey Little Way Out Girl (Label and year unknown)
The Clique - You've Been Unfair (Pye 1965) (Two of a Kind)
The Clique - Time Time Time(Pye 1965) (Two of a Kind)
Fifth Dimension - Puppet Man (Bell 1970)
Julie Rogers - Long After Tonight Is All Over (Pye 1974)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)

IGNORANCE IS BLISS FOR THE RUDE BOYS (AND GIRLS)

When e-mails began to replace letters as the communication tool of choice it was felt that the quicker missive would get answered just as fast. Sadly, it seems that the reverse is happening.

People and companies who can’t be bothered to reply to even the most basic of e-mailed correspondence are increasingly frustrating me. In some cases these e-mails are being deleted without being read. One company in the latter category is RyanAir and now I can add the BBC to that ever-growing list.

Last year I had an interview with the BBC in Glasgow. I chased them up for more than a month to get feedback. It was bad enough not getting the job without having salt rubbed into the wounds. Two weeks ago I received four Read Receipts on my PC from the Beeb, except that these e-mails hadn’t even been read. My original e-mails were sent last August and now they were deleted without being read.

I e-mailed a Radio 2 this week for some basic information for a piece I’m putting together for The Scotsman’s Recommends section. There wasn’t even a “we’ll get back to you” type of reply.

A simple enquiry to Ryan Air as to whether a service that was scheduled to begin was going ahead was deleted without being read. A subsequent e-mail asking why was, you won’t be surprised to learn, deleted without being read.

Since December I have had a similar problem with the ILA (Independent Learning Account) Scotland. In the first week of December I sent them an e-mail asking for confirmation that I could put some money from my 2008 Account (£200) towards my 2009 course. I had read somewhere (I can’t find it now) that I could as long as the course was booked within 2008 and the course took place within the first 6 weeks of 2009. The reply to the e-mail was to ask me to phone their Helpline!

This week I tried again and I was told that, “Due to data protection and for security purposes, you will have to contact our freephone helpline again for that information.”

My reply was swift:

“You can't be serious!

"Due to data protection and security purposes"? In what way is answering a very simple query by e-mail breaching data protection and security? Thousands, nay, millions of companies manage to answer questions by e-mail every day. This is a joke. My course starts on Monday and I can't get a simple answer to a simple question by e-mail. My tutor has asked me to get confirmation of my entitlement IN WRITING. If this lack of communication of behalf of the ILA causes any problems with my course I shall be making a complaint.

Unbelievable.”

Health and Safety? Data Protection? Nanny State? The world has gone completely hatstand.

As regular readers will recall I sent a missive to the PR company for the Brits to ask some questions and make a few comments. I was told that it had been forwarded on to someone at the BPI. Again, I’m still waiting.

I e-mailed E.ON twice recently and I’m still awaiting an answer to both questions - one was aksing when they were going to bring the prices down and the other was to request a change of tarriff.

I just think it’s rude, very very rude.

As this point I should give some praise to Orange because they got back to very quickly after I e-mailed them recently. Unfortunately when it came to dealing with the two issues I had called them about they were as useful as a trapdoor on a canoe. I keep receiving messages from Orange themselves about Data Services and then a follow-up about installing these data services. I’m a bit dense about the inner workings of my phone and no matter whether I replied Yes or No or simply ignored them they continue to come. The person who called me from Orange listened to my problems and put me through to someone on the Indian sub-continent whose first job seemed to be to sell me a Raccoon package. If I wanted a Raccoon package, I’d have asked for one. He said the messages would stop and they haven’t.

I also pointed out a problem I had with the phone in that since May 2008 I have no record on my phone of All Calls, Answered Calls, Dialled Calls and, most importantly Missed Calls. Again, I was told this would be sorted and again it hasn’t been. I’m loath to leave Orange because I get £5 for every time I top up with £50 but this is the second time they’ve cocked up. I won’t bore you the details of the previous problem but I did 100 free texts out of them.

I’m still waiting to hear from the Dunfermline Press as to why my recent comment was deleted. Someone printed something similar and it wasn’t removed.

Isn’t it ironic how poor communications companies are at communicating? It’s good to talk (but only if we can sell you something first!)

The Cat on the award-nominated "Where The Action Is" Kirkcaldy VRN 1287 AM - Sunday 1 February 2009

Here is tonight's playlist, which celebrates 50 years of Motown:

Martha (Reeves) and the Vandellas - Dancing In the Street (Gordy 1964)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)
The Contours - First I Look At The Purse (Gordy 1965)
Diana Ross & The Supremes - Love Child (Motown 1968)
The Isley Brothers - Behind A Painted Smile (Motown 1968)
Smokey Robinson & The Miracles - Tears of a Clown (Tamla 1967))
Tammi Terrell - Come On and See Me (Motown 1966)
The Velvelettes - Lonely Lonely Girl Am I (VIP 1965)
Gladys Knight & The Pips - Every Beat of My Heart (Vee Jay 1961) (Connect 3)
Hearts of Stone - If I Could Give You The World (VIP 1970) (Connect 3)
The Marvelettes - Locking Up My Heart (Tamla 1963) (Connect 3)
Rare Earth - Get Ready (Rare Earth 1970)
Bobby Taylor & The Vancouvers - Does Your Mama Know About Me (Gordy 1968)
Chris Clark - From Head To Toe (Motown 1967) (Birthday: Chris Clark 1/2/46)
Shorty Long - Function At The Junction (Soul 1966)
Kim Weston - Looking For The Right Guy (Tamla 1964)
The Four Tops - Piangono Glo Vomini (I Can't Help Myself) (Foreign Language)
Barbara Randolph - I Got A Feeling (Motown 1967)
Earl Van Dyke & The Motown Brass - 6x6 (Motown 1967) (Half-Time Instrumental)
Stevie Wonder - Uptight (Everything's Alright) (Motown 1965)
Edwin Starr - Twenty Five Miles (Gordy 1969)
The Miracles - Come On Do The Jerk (Tamla 1964)
Jimmy Ruffin - I've Passed This Way Before (Soul 1966)
Kiki Dee - I Second That Emotion (Motown 1970)
The Temptations - Little Miss Sweetness (Gordy 1966)
Big Sound Authority - This House (Is Where Your Love Stands) (Source 1985) (Under The Influence)
Barrett Strong - Money (That's What I Want) (Anna/Tamla 1959)
The Four Tops - Bernadette (Motown 1967)
The Monitors - Number One In Your Heart (Motown 1969)
Marvin Gaye/Tammi Terrell - California Soul (Tamla 1970) (Connect 3)
Marvin Gaye/Kim Weston - It Takes Two (Tamla 1967) (Connect 3)
Marvin Gaye/Omah Page - Rilleh! (Motown 1965) (Connect 3)
Tommy Good - Baby I Miss You (Gordy 1964)
Mable John - You Made A Fool Out of Me (Tamla 1960)
Brenda Holloway - When I'm Gone (Tamla 1965) (Two of a Kind)
Brenda Holloway - Tell Me Your Story (Tamla 1965) (Two of a Kind)
Eddie Holland - Leaving Here (Motown 1963)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)

Next week it's back to the usual mix of mod, soul (Northern and Southern) and alternative pop from the late 50s through to the early 70s. Coming soon: an Immediate Records special, a famous people special and a "lurve" special for Valentine's Day!

Good night and good health!

MONSTROUS CARBUNCLES, BATMAN!

And the winner of the most dismal town in Scotland is ... Glenrothes

(Pictured: A rather large erection in Glenrothes)

While I’m not surprised that Glenrothes might win this award (for its obsession with roundabouts alone), I can think of a few more worthy candidates.

Of all the places I’ve ever been to, I’d list the following as more worthy:

1. Clydebank – I’ve never seen so many sick, overweight and miserable people in my life, well not since I was last in Dunfermline town centre. I forget why I was there in the first place, possibly football related, but it’s left an indelible print on my brain nonetheless
2. Airdrie – An inhospitable place. When my football team were playing in the First Division we had to visit such places and it was likely going back to 1975. The everybody-hates-us paranoia of the football team appeared to have spread to the locals. I won’t hurry back, even if my team gets relegated.
3. Dunfermline – I live here (well on the outskirts) but it’s a town that thinks it’s a city but acts like a village. If you like bakeries, hairdressers and charity shops then this is the place for you. The former capital of Scotland (were there no other candidates?) should change its coat of arms to feature prams, cigarettes, leggings and a Stephen’s Steak Bridie; sometimes you see all four just looking at one person!
4. Seton Sands Holiday Park – The Lesotho of East Lothian. Not strictly a town (in any sense of the word) but when Glasgow Trades Fortnight is on it turns into a mini Paisley with West Coasters coming for a bit of cultcha, which is usually a Racey tribute band on Hawaiian Night in the Bobby Davro Lounge.
5. Armadale – The Good Lady and I looked at a house there and after a brief look around the town centre decided the area we lived in in Leith (affectionately known as "Little Beirut") wasn’t so bad after all. A prominent Rangers Supporters Club in the centre didn’t help matters either.
   

I apologise to anyone who reads this that lives in these places but I have nominated my own town too. I feel your pain. Having said that, I don’t miss Edinburgh as much as I used to. The only thing I really miss now is the Cameo Cinema, where my wife and I were members. The annual membership was very reasonable and the ambience of the cinema was great. I miss it, a lot.

I referred recently to the death of my former music teacher and it seems that they've arrested someone for it. Here's the update: Tribe member arrested after ritual killing of ex-Lothian teacher

Censorship is alive and well at the Depress (aka Dunfermline Press). What is the point in asking for comments under every story if you’re going to censor them? I wrote a comment on a story and it has been removed. I've asked for an explanation and I'm still waiting. Here is the story and here is the “offending” comment: "There is no such thing as an "accident". There is always an error on one or more sides; an error that Mr. Little admitted. What happened to his father was tragic but he doesn't appear to have learned from it. To then go moaning to the Press is rather hypercritical. People need to take personal responsibility. It's no use blaming the junction or, in other cases, the camber of the road, road markings etc. Drive more carefully and these incidents can be avoided."

All I’ve done is say something that needs saying. There’s not enough personal responsibility these days. The man in question admits causing a crash yet moans to the Depress that it was the road’s fault. What next? A tree walked out in front of me, officer? Let’s chop it down. I notice that the speed at which the offending people are driving at in these types of articles is never mentioned.

FAVOURITE ROCK READS (AND I DON'T MEAN MIKE)

Inspired by Bright Ambassador's tireless promotion on behalf of Luke Haines, I thought I'd list my 10 favourite rock biogs. Don't expect any deep analytical insight into the books or why I like them (mainly because I have a daughter waiting for her bedtime stories and I've not had my tea yet!)

In no particular order:

1. Julian Cope - Head On/Repossessed
2. Andrew Loog Oldham - Stoned/2Stoned
3. Simon Napier-Bell - You Don't Have To Say You Love Me/Black Vinyl - White Powder/I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch
4. Ed Jones - This Is Pop
5. John Repsch - The Legendary Joe Meek
6. Brian Wilson - Wouldn't It Be Good
7. Ray Davies - X-Ray
8. Fredric Dannen - Hit Men
9. Motley Crue - The Dirt
10. Suzi Quatro - Unzipped (when I've finished it)

I reserve the right to change this list when someone remembers a better book that I've stupidly forgotten.

FAFF COUNCIL - NO BEGINNING TO THIER TALENTS

I’ve had a field day with today’s issue of the Dunfermline Press and I thought I’d share with you my comments on three stories featured this week. The first concerns a driver complaining about a junction, despite admitting causing a crash there. The second is the continuing saga of the monthly bin collection pilot. And lastly, there’s the schools, or lack of schools, problem within my local area. The Good Lady Wife recently tried to phone the Council with the number given to speak to someone about the school issue. Fife Council’s fancy, and very confusing, new telephone system informed her by recorded message that “this number has not been allocated to anyone”! She tried the main switchboard number repeatedly and couldn’t get through on that either. She gave up.

Man cheats death at spot where dad died

“There is no such thing as an "accident". There is always an error on one or more sides; an error that Mr. Little admitted. What happened to his father was tragic but he doesn't appear to have learned from it. To then go moaning to the Press is rather hypercritical.

People need to take personal responsibility. It's no use blaming the junction or, in other cases, the camber of the road, road markings etc. Drive more carefully and these incidents can be avoided.”

Fife Council's bins idea stinks says Dunfermline mum

“"This option was brought forward by council officers"

Who exactly are these bird-brained "council officers" who came up with this half-baked scheme? Have they nothing better to do?

"Approximately 20 per cent of everything we throw out is food waste"

Where does Mr Vettraino get these figures from? His furtive imagination?

"We will listen and act on their feedback"

Then completely ignore it and do what we want anyway because we don't give a toss about the electorate.

Fife Council are as much use as a roof rack on a helicopter. They're just 'playing' at being politicians because they have no real grasp on the needs of the electorate. They might as well be Thatcher Tories - it's all me, me, me!”

No place in Dunfermline school for poster boy

Yet another own goal from Faff Council. They were so intent on building all the new houses in the DEX that they forgot about basic infrastructure. Public transport, shops and other amenities, particularly schools, were mere afterthoughts. We should be asking where all the money from these housing developments and the resultant Council Tax has gone?

The person(s) responsible should resign because this has been one almighty cock-up. Despite repeatedly informing Fife Council that our daughter would be going to the local Catholic primary school we've been pestered with correspondence asking us how she would get to school (they gave us a map to draw her route on - I'm only surprised it didn't come with a crayon) and why we didn't attend the open night. The Council is riddled with incompetence. If the Council is so desperate to save money, it should get rid of the deadwood and spend the money on the electorate.

The chickens are now coming home to roost.

Uproar predicted as Fife Council presses ahead with monthly bin collections

Up to 25 comments now!

MIXED EMOTIONS

The title pretty much sums up the last few days.

One of my neighbours went into hospital recently with a very serious illness while another neighbour came out of hospital with a brand new bouncing baby boy.

Last night I heard the tragic news that my old music teacher had died. Bad enough you might think, except his passing wasn't of his own volition. He was brutally murdered at his home in Thailand. What The Times article doesn't say is how he was killed. The Scotsman and some of the other Scottish papers go into rather more gory detail.

You can see by the comments beneath The Times article how well he was thought of, especially by former pupils of my alma mater Lasswade High School. As I said in my comment, his was one of the few lessons that I remember vividly from school*. He usually taught classical stuff but for one lesson he spoke to us about The Beatles "Sgt Pepper's". He went into graphic detail about some of the meanings behind the lyrics, which was an eye-opener for me.

Sure, even then, we all knew he was gay but that didn't bother us. Whatever floats your kayak. RIP Sir.

(* One of my other favourite teachers was Sandy McLeman who looked, and acted, like Jeremy Beadle. He liked to blow up things, even his own pupils. We arrived early one lesson and we caught him putting some black stuff under the chair of one of the children's stools. As soon there was any pressure placed on it the stuff would explode. I may have failed Chemistry (twice) but I've never forgotten him.)

All this talk of Mr Crisp (and, yes, we did call him Quentin behind his back) rather puts into the shade my good news from today. At the start of December I put myself forward for three categories in the HBA (Hospital Broadcasting Association) National Hospital Radio Awards, namely Male Presenter of the Year, Best Specialised Music and Best Newcomer. Well, lo and behold, I found out this morning that I've made the shortlist for the Best Newcomer award. I was so excited when I saw my name on the HBA website that I could have burst! You never think, especially as a 'new kid on the block', that you'll do anything in these things but I'm dead chuffed. I did work really hard on my 5 minute demo over many weeks and it's harder to put together than you'd imagine. I taught myself how to do it on Adobe Audition 3.

One of my colleagues John Murray is up for Male Presenter of the Year and he's an experienced pro at this game. He has won awards and commendations before while I'm the virgin. The Gala Awards Dinner and HBA Conference are over the same weekend in Blackpool, at the end of March, and I only said I would go if I got nominated so the travel plans are already in full swing. Actually, having investigated the trains and buses with a back-of-a-fag-packet calculation I've decided to drive down. It's just short of four hours to get there.

Rumours that the nominees party bags will include a stick of a rock, a Kiss-Me-Quick hat and a Blackpool Tower snow globe are unconfirmed at this time! The Academy Awards it ain't!

Meanwhile, I'm still so crap at Tiger Woods 08 on the Wii that I'm giving great consideration to putting my (imaginary) clubs over my knee and buying something else. My average is about 83, which, as anyone with a passing knowledge of the game knows, is pish.

The Cat on "Where The Action Is" Kirkcaldy VRN 1287 AM - Sunday 25 January 2009

Here was tonight's fine playlist:

Stacey Cane - Funny Face (Jubilee 1963)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)
Wishing Thinking - VIP (Decca 1966)
Glenda Collins - Something I Got To Tell You (Pye 1966)
Sister Rachel - Don't Mess Around With Me (Challenge 1967)
The Left Banke - She May Call You Up Tonight (Smash 1967)
Marlena Shaw - Liberation Conversation (Cadet 1969)
Carol Connors - My Baby Looks But He Don't Touch (Mira 1966)
Barbara Ruskin - Euston Station (Parlophone 1967) (Connect 3)
The Liverpool 5 - Piccadilly Line (RCA 1967) (Connect 3)
The Kinks - Victoria (Pye 1969) (Connect 3)
The Galens - Chinese Lanterns (Challenge 1964)
Elvis Presley - (Let's Have A) Party (RCA 1957)
Etta James - Payback (Argo 1963) (Birthday: Etta James 25/1/38)
The Hollies - When I'm Not There (Parlophone 1964)
Tommy Tucker - Hi-Heel Sneakers (Checker 1964)
Fairport Convention - Si Tu Dois Partir (Island 1969) (Foreign Language)
Bernadette Castro - A Girl In Love Forgives (Colpix 1964)
Ramsey Lewis Trio - Wade In The Water (Argo 1966) (Half-Time Instrumental)
The Lovin' Spoonful - She Is Still A Mystery (Kama Sutra 1967)
The Blossoms - Hard To Get (Challenge 1961)
23rd Turnoff - Michaelangelo (Deram 1967)
The Cryan Shames - Greenburg, Glickstein, Charles, David Smith and Jones (Columbia 1968)
Mike Lendell & The Attack - Please Phil Spector (Phillips 1967)
The Radiants - Voice Your Choice (Chess 1964)
BMX Bandits - I Wanna Fall In Love (Creation 1996) (Under The Influence)
Ella Washington - He Called Me Baby (Sound Stage 7 1968)
Donna Loren - Muscle Bustle (Challenge 1964)
Young Idea - Tar and Cement (Columbia 1967)
The Corsairs & Landy McNeill - On The Spanish Side (Tuff 1965) (Connect 3)
Barbara English - We Need Them (Roulette 1962) (Connect 3)
American Spring - Superstar (United Artists 1972) (Connect 3)
Julie London - June in January (Liberty 1956)
Diane Maxwell - Date Bait (Challenge 1959)
The Ivy League - Running Round In Circles (Piccadilly 1966) (Two of a Kind)
The Ivy League - Tossing and Turning (Piccadilly 1965) (Two of a Kind)
Annette Funicello - First Name Initial (Vista 1959)
Fontella Bass - I Surrender (Chess 1966)
Marvin Gaye - I Heard It Through The Grapevine (Motown 1968)
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble (Decca 1967) (show theme)

Not a bad show, maybe a 7 out of 10, but not a great one. Next week's show will be a Motown special.