Friday, January 30, 2009

MONSTROUS CARBUNCLES, BATMAN!

And the winner of the most dismal town in Scotland is ... Glenrothes






(Pictured: A rather large erection in Glenrothes)



While I’m not surprised that Glenrothes might win this award (for its obsession with roundabouts alone), I can think of a few more worthy candidates.

Of all the places I’ve ever been to, I’d list the following as more worthy:

  1. Clydebank – I’ve never seen so many sick, overweight and miserable people in my life, well not since I was last in Dunfermline town centre. I forget why I was there in the first place, possibly football related, but it’s left an indelible print on my brain nonetheless
  2. Airdrie – An inhospitable place. When my football team were playing in the First Division we had to visit such places and it was likely going back to 1975. The everybody-hates-us paranoia of the football team appeared to have spread to the locals. I won’t hurry back, even if my team gets relegated.
  3. Dunfermline – I live here (well on the outskirts) but it’s a town that thinks it’s a city but acts like a village. If you like bakeries, hairdressers and charity shops then this is the place for you. The former capital of Scotland (were there no other candidates?) should change its coat of arms to feature prams, cigarettes, leggings and a Stephen’s Steak Bridie; sometimes you see all four just looking at one person!
  4. Seton Sands Holiday Park – The Lesotho of East Lothian. Not strictly a town (in any sense of the word) but when Glasgow Trades Fortnight is on it turns into a mini Paisley with West Coasters coming for a bit of cultcha, which is usually a Racey tribute band on Hawaiian Night in the Bobby Davro Lounge.
  5. Armadale – The Good Lady and I looked at a house there and after a brief look around the town centre decided the area we lived in in Leith (affectionately known as "Little Beirut") wasn’t so bad after all. A prominent Rangers Supporters Club in the centre didn’t help matters either.

I apologise to anyone who reads this that lives in these places but I have nominated my own town too. I feel your pain. Having said that, I don’t miss Edinburgh as much as I used to. The only thing I really miss now is the Cameo Cinema, where my wife and I were members. The annual membership was very reasonable and the ambience of the cinema was great. I miss it, a lot.

I referred recently to the death of my former music teacher and it seems that they've arrested someone for it. Here's the update: Tribe member arrested after ritual killing of ex-Lothian teacher

Censorship is alive and well at the Depress (aka Dunfermline Press). What is the point in asking for comments under every story if you’re going to censor them? I wrote a comment on a story and it has been removed. I've asked for an explanation and I'm still waiting. Here is the story and here is the “offending” comment: "There is no such thing as an "accident". There is always an error on one or more sides; an error that Mr. Little admitted. What happened to his father was tragic but he doesn't appear to have learned from it. To then go moaning to the Press is rather hypercritical. People need to take personal responsibility. It's no use blaming the junction or, in other cases, the camber of the road, road markings etc. Drive more carefully and these incidents can be avoided."

All I’ve done is say something that needs saying. There’s not enough personal responsibility these days. The man in question admits causing a crash yet moans to the Depress that it was the road’s fault. What next? A tree walked out in front of me, officer? Let’s chop it down. I notice that the speed at which the offending people are driving at in these types of articles is never mentioned.

2 comments:

Thumper Plowman said...

That's a pretty strong list (especially as it contains the "Lesotho of East Lothian"). I would through in a couple of coastal dives such as Peterhead or Stranraer (the latter of which I reckon was the model for Finport, the hellhole that Winston retires to in "Still Game").
Also talking of East Lothian reminds me of Wallyford. Apparently Jock Wallace grew up there - isn't that enough?

JC said...

This whole annual carbunkle thing annoys me....

Its written and judged by folk who live in the poshest parts of our biggest cities who dont give a flying fuck about what their witterings do to the already low morale of many of the folk who eke out a living in towns with complex social and economic problems who really have got more pressing concerns than some bad architecture.

Wankers.