Friday, January 16, 2009


What sick bastard puts the packaging on lettuces? I can't put lettuce on a sandwich without first having to fight my way into it. I don't mean the lettuce that comes in an open-top bag; I mean the ones that look like they've been cellophaned to within an inch of their lives.

Why are people so inherently stupid?

Why do people in power bring in more and more petty rules yet don't think about how to enforce them? If you're not allowed to use your mobile while driving, enforce it. If you can't park in a disabled bay without a blue badge, enforce it. If you can't go the wrong way up a one-way street enforce it. How about this radical idea to reduce the dole queues, employ people to enforce all these new laws/rules/whatever. People would soon get the idea as to what is ans isn't acceptable behaviour and we'd get back to more of a caring society, one where people didn't just look after number 1. People in authority are naive if they think that people are automatically going to obey a new regulation just because it's become law. I'm a great believer in zero tolerance policing. Sadly there aren't enough cops on the street to enforce these rules and too many of them are happy to stay in office jobs, avoiding "the street".

Why are people so inherently stupid?

Why are Fife Council bringing in yet more waste management measures? My reaction to the article in the Depress is the first comment. I do my bit, when are others going to get off their arses and do something too? I await the day when we have a pink bin, an orange bin and a yellow bin to go along with the current triumvirate of grey, brown and blue bins. I love the word 'triumvirate'.

Why are people so inherently stupid?

For information, the roadworks between Blackhall and Barnton are scheduled to take 8 weeks. That's 8 weeks of traffic hell (On Tuesday it took me two hours to get home and I had to stand most of the way). What infuriates me is that the cause of this chaos is the need for an Emergency Gas Main. If it's so urgent then why aren't they working all hours to get the work done, to minimise the stress for everyone else? Instead we're told that work starts at 9.30am every day and 'finishes when it finishes', which, especially on a Friday, will be a lot earlier than most of us finish. The workies are in the boozer/bookies/take-away starting their weekend and I'm stuck on a 55 with a bad back, a man who smells of sour milk and a growing desire to recreate scenes from "Speed" and/or "Falling Down".

Why are people so inherently stupid?

When I finally got to the Ferrytoll tonight I had to wait 15 minutes for my lift. In that time I witnessed some shocking parking (the piss poor marking of the poorly-advertised Drop Off/Pick Up bays behind the main building doesn't help) and a member of Stagecoach staff having a fag while sitting in his car, which he had moved into a more conveniently placed parking bay; a disabled one. Most bizarrely was the woman who, having just berated a driver (quite rightly) for trying to exit the Ferrytoll the wrong way and then almost knocking her down as he reversed back to where he should have gone, decided to move one of the cones that is used to gently remind drivers that YOU CAN'T GO THAT WAY so that her husband/boyfriend/family twat could drive the wrong way up a one-way area so that he didn't have to drive a mere 200 yard circular route to collect her. You can see from the map of the Ferrytoll that there are three arrows going one way, which lead you rather sensibly towards the single arrow going the other way, towards the exit. Incredible. Don't these morons realise that, rightly or wrongly, these arrows, road markings and signs are there for a reason and, for the sake of everyone else, are best adhered to. People are stupid - I rest my case.

If anyone saw my wife in Edinburgh last night, half cut, dressed as a policewoman trying to cordon off Rose Street and Rose Street Lane, then I apologise but just think yourself lucky because I had to endure her when she got home -what a state! It was her Christmas night out. They have a theme every year. Past themes have included pirates and this year it was cops and robbers. My job was to make the goody bag compilation CD, which, funnily enough, was on a cops and robbers theme. Here's the tracklisting:

1. Intro (0.18)
2. Bobby Fuller Four – I Fought the Law (2.18)
3. The Hoosiers – Cops and Robbers (4.01)
4. The Clash – Bankrobber (4.35)
5. The Thompson Twins – We Are Detective (3.03)
6. The Thanes – She’s A Robber (2.57)
7. Sandra Barry – Stop! Thief (2.57)
8. The Alan Bown Set – Emergency 999 (2.30)
9. Elvis Presley – Jailhouse Rock (2.37)
10. Chris Farlowe – Buzz With the Fuzz (2.32)
11. Thursday’s Children – Help Murder Police (2.03)
12. The Temptations – Law of the Land (4.52)
13. Benny Profane – Rob A Bank (3.24)
14. The Clash – Police and Thieves (6.03)
15. Johnny Keating – The Theme from Z-Cars (2.11)
16. Police Car Radio Sound Effect (1.27)
17. Elvis Costello & the Attractions – Watching the Detectives (3.48)
18. Judas Priest – Breaking the Law (2.34)
19. The Sonics – Dirty Robber (1.59)
20. Charles Penrose – The Laughing Policeman (2.34)
21. Billy Childish and Holly Golightly – I’m The Robber (3.07)
22. Jane’s Addiction – Been Caught Stealing (3.33)

Apparently, the CD went down a storm so my job was done. I dread to think what they'll come up with next year.


office pest said...

Ah, a return to form MG. But no Rubber Bullets? Perhaps too cheesy hm.
How're the buses?

The Cat said...

To be honest, I didn't think of it. I'd much rather have used that than The Hoosiers!

A thought; aren't The Hoosiers, The Teeling and Scouting for Girls just the same band? Maybe I don't mean Scouting for Girls, maybe I mean someone heid's full o' mince!

Maybe I should have a wee lie down before The Attic Lights gig.