Friday 21 March 2008

This is the personalised bottle of whisky I won in a competition from The List magazine. It also have a few lines on the back that read "For services to television and radio game/quiz shows"! What the hell, if I can't blow my own trumpet then who can?

Yesterday's Dunfermline (De)Press has brought another funny story. The Council are trying to buy a house that doesn't exist from a man they can't find! You couldn't make this up.

Stagecoach have bought out Rennies to increase their monopoly in Fife. So this is what our fares "reviews" pay for.

The English Broadcasting Corporation has bought the rights to Formula 1 for an estimated price of up to £200m, yet can't find £3m for the rights to broadcast Scotland's football matches. Mind you, if we had a Scottish Broadcasting Corporation it would have just as bad, with a bias towards Glasgow.

Dunfermline Football Club have sold their old Astroturf pitch tiles on eBay. It put the idea in my head to astroturf the whole of our back garden. The grass is very damp, has poor drainage and we could spend a small fortune trying to sort it out.

I'm thinking of putting music on my Blog. Any advice from readers as to how to go about it?

STAND AND (DON’T) DELIVER

Monday 17 March

My first job of the day is to send a complaint to Idea Generation, the PR company dealing with the Mojo competition (about APC), and to APC Overnight themselves for their piss poor service. I suggest to Idea Generation that they ask for some sort of refund because they didn’t get what they paid for. I tried phoning the HQ of APC but they insisted that complaints need to be sent to local depots, despite the fact that their website calls their HQ the Customer Relations Department. This makes me less hopefully that there will be any kind of recourse regards the shoddy service. My experience of franchised delivery depots is not good (yes, Amtrak, I haven’t forgotten) so I’m not hopeful.

Tonight I pop along to Kirkcaldy VRN for an informal chat with a view to joining the hospital radio station.

Sunday 16 March

It’s up early for Flick’ Team Relay Race for Sport Relief. Great fun was had by all as parents and children alike ran the course. In fact, we all did it twice, including special guest Spencer from kids TV programme Balamory. Luckily their were no drug controls at the events as Flick has taken a banned substance prior to the race; namely Tixylix. If push came to shove I’d have taken her urine test for her although I suspect it would’ve contained an abnormally high level of Stella, especially for a three year old.

Saturday 15 March

As I didn’t get home until late on Friday I had to get up early (7am) to phone APC Overnight again. I told a girl called Lorna about the non-delivery and asked her if it could be delivered today, she said it couldn’t. When I pointed out the mistakes were her company’s she insisted it couldn’t be delivered until Monday morning at the earliest. She did apologise but I felt that wasn’t enough. I even asked if they could deliver it to my work address. She took the details and said she would check. She came back on the phone and they couldn’t deliver it as it would need to go to another depot and that there would be an additional charge!! Eventually, I asked her for the address of their depot and I went and got it myself. I had to drive from Dunfermline to a well-hidden muddy pothole-ridden industrial estate on the outskirts of Edinburgh, with a three year-old in tow.

The wait has been worth it though because the books are absolutely fantastic. Have a look at the links below about the three books. My copies are the “ordinary” versions, which are anything but ordinary.

DAVID BOWIE – STATION TO STATION
BOB MARLEY – REBEL MUSIC
ELVIS PRESLEY – THE BIRTH OF ROCK

Picked up Gary at the Ferrytoll and we spent the afternoon watching the football results come in while Gaz tuned and played the guitar.

The GLW returned from her Guides trip to Dumfries in time to watch the “Funny People” (Flick’s name for “You’ve Been Framed”) and “Harry Hill’s TV Burp”.

Friday 14 March

Andrew was leaving our work to go and live in Germany so I was persuaded by my colleagues to pop along for a couple of drinks. The GLW picked me up and, after a bite to eat; I retired to the comfort of my bed.

Thursday 13 March

Walked from the West End this morning in a vague attempt to get some sort of exercise. It was cold but I had some tunes for company – The Smiths, My Bloody Valentine, The Darling Buds, Val McKenna, Icicle Works, The Mighty Wah etc.

Been feeling rather depressed for a couple of days now. After the “high” of the Training Day, I’m back down to earth with the mundanity of my working day. I sometimes wonder how I’ve got time to work with all my extra curricular projects to do.

I did an interview with Martin Ingram at Original 106 FM this morning about the Jock ‘n’ Roll website and my “career” as a quiz/game show contestant. It went out on Sunday between 10 and 2 on his Sunday brunch show. I also recorded a feature for his breakfast show called “Are You Smarter Than…”. In this case, it was “Are You Smarter Than A Quiz Show Contestant?” and he posed me five questions. I scored three out of five. I think it’ll be broadcast this week sometime.

I get home to find yet another card from APC Overnight (an ironic name). This time it has a note attached saying I need to re-arrange delivery or it’ll be returned to sender within 5 days!! So I phone them up again and tell them I’ve already re-arranged it for delivery on Friday. The man I spoke to said he’ll have a word with the driver, who has just come back.

The rest of the evening is spent driving around Dunfermline. I pick up another prize (a personalised bottle of Famous Grouse whisky, won from The List magazine, pictured) from the Sorting Office, then I head off to Asda to collect a prescription, Carnegie College to pay for my course (I find out that there’s a least another 6 people doing the course) and Tesco for the food shopping/Dunfermline (De)Press. I manage to get it all done before 8, without driving like an idiot.

Wednesday 12 March

WMESB™: The D7 was late and the X57 stopped at the wrong stop at the West End of Edinburgh.

Not feeling too great this morning. I’m enduring a “low mood” today due in no small part to my continuing frustration at a number of aspects of my life.

I return to work to find an e-mail telling me that my Dreamweaver course is, as far as Carnegie College are aware, still going ahead in April. The problem is that the course is on a Monday night and that’s when Bob at Kirkcaldy VRN does his training. Hmm, what to do?

Despite rearranging delivery for Friday APC have left another card saying they tried to deliver a parcel! If we’d wanted it delivered on Wednesday I’d have asked them on Monday to do that, instead of opting for Friday. It’s that kind of incompetence that does my head in. A simple instruction not adhered to.

Spent most of the night doing updates to the Jock ‘n’ Roll website, including a plug for the really rather excellent Chemikal Underground online shop and website. Also managed to find my ILA card so I can pay for my Dreamweaver course at Carnegie College tomorrow night.

Taped the Sport Relief edition of The Apprentice and then tuned into Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares.

Tuesday 11 March

I’m out of the office today for a departmental training and development day – “team building” if you’d rather. Got a bit of a lie-in and helped drop off Flick at pre-school before getting the train into Waverley. I only get the train on exceptional occasions because I had an unpleasant run in with two members of their staff and as a result I refuse to give them any money.

The training day was an enjoyable experience, even though I made an arse of myself on a couple of games. We then headed off to Jimmy Chung’s for a Chinese buffet. After two plates of starters and one main course I had to throw in the towel.

I got the bus to the Ferrytoll and just missed my D7 so I had to wait for almost half an hour for the next one. I don’t like the Ferrytoll at the best of times but in the evenings it feel even more soulless and desolate. While I was waiting, someone, who I think was a couple of whiskeys short of a round, started playing some Gerry and the Pacemakers! At least it made a pleasant change from bland R ’n’ B or Happy Hardcore.

Luckily my friend Fiona got off a bus from Edinburgh and we waited together for the D7 and put the world to rights on the journey home.

Monday 10 March

Got home to find that a company called APC had tried to deliver a parcel. Fingers crossed, it might actually be the books from Mojo. Anyway, after three attempts to rearrange delivery someone finally answered the phone. I asked for it to be delivered later in the week, when the GLW doesn’t work, and the lady I spoke to said that wouldn’t be a problem.

Called Bob at Kirkcaldy VRN to arrange a trip to see him next Monday. I’ve applied to work at Kirkcaldy VRN, hopefully doing a show. Like Radio West Fife, VRN isn’t actually based at the hospital it’s affiliated to. I was hoping to do a dry run to see exactly where I should be going but I won’t have an opportunity before Monday. Hopefully my experience will be better than the last time I went to Kirkcaldy, when I didn’t have a Scooby where I was going.

Rather pissed off to find that “Damages” isn’t on. It’s only after I send an e-mail of complaint to the BBC (this is becoming a regular occurrence) that I find out that it’s because of Sport Relief. Whilst I’m looking forward to the Sport Relief version of The Apprentice and Flick’s own Team Relay Race, a lot of the other programmes leave me cold. Sport Portraits, my arse.

I HAVE NO BANANAS

Thursday 6 March

WMESB™: The D7 was late and the X57 stopped at the wrong stop at the West End of Edinburgh.

The traffic was horrendous last night and the X54, after nearly being taken out by a dickhead driver just after Craigleith, finally pulled into the Ferrytoll Park and Ride around 1740. When we got there, there was a police car present and a woman was being spoken to by a couple of Fife Constabulary’s finest. My D7 turned up so I was able to find out what was happening but I heard something about the female passenger interfering with the driver – oo-er missus!! She didn’t seem the type but it takes all sorts. (Stop Press: She was a South African woman who thought the bus driver was speeding and started kicking up a fuss!! However, the police worked out that she counted have seen the speedometer from where she was sitting!! What a loony!)

I was more worried about not getting home in time for my big TV appearance. I made it home only for the weather to turn and the ensuing wind and rain interfered with the telly picture. The Flickster was delighted to see her daddy on the box but the poor picture spoiled it somewhat. Thankfully, I’m getting it taped by a couple of people. It’s also available on BBC iPlayer for a week. It’s episode 8 of “Brainbox Challenge”, under “BBC2, Page 2, Brainbox Challenge, Episode 8” if you haven’t seen it. I’m on halfway through.

I then checked my e-mails to find sympathetic comments from John and Archie (he reports on Scottish football for the Sunday Times). Even more surprising was some e-mails in the Jock ‘n’ Roll inbox from a couple of people who watched the show and then checked out the Jock ‘n’ Roll website as a result. It’s amazing how humiliating yourself on national television can get you publicity.

Someone at work e-mailed me this morning to say, “I know the camera adds 10lbs on you but how many cameras were on you. Lucky I was watching in wide screen.” That’s just cruel! Also, if I’ve heard one banana comment this morning, I’ve heard a whole bunch of them. It’s a good job I can laugh at myself. Ha-ha-bloody-ha!
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The Daily Record has been giving away a different children’s TV DVD every day this week. I cut out yesterday’s token and took it to RS McColl’s. The guy handed over the “Thomas the Tank Engine” one and then asked if I wanted any more because he “had loads”. He grabbed a handful of each of the ones from the previous days and handed them over. I’ll keep one of each for The Flickster and then give the rest to her nursery/pre-school. What a nice guy I am. I wonder if he’ll do the same tonight. (Stop Press: Tonight it’s “The Wiggles” but he gave me those yesterday). Tomorrow it’s “Fireman Sam” and on Saturday it’s “Bob The Builder”).
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Some sad news has just come through. The priest, who married the GLW and I, has passed away in Barcelona, whilst in the city for the match against Celtic. God bless you, Monsignor David Gemmell, you were a gent.
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A complaint to the BBC: “Viewers in Scotland will be unable to watch tonight's "Ashes To Ashes" because of live football coverage. When will this episode be shown or will viewers in Scotland be shown the series a week behind the rest of the country? I don't understand why the Rangers game couldn't have been shown on BBC2 Scotland. Not everyone has access to Sky (to watch it an English BBC channel) or a computer (to watch the show on iPlayer). I look forward to your comments.”

VIDEO KILLED THE GAME SHOW STAR

Wednesday 5 March

WMESB™: I noticed on the X57 to work this morning that a Fares Revision (that’s increase to you and me) on Megarider tickets is imminent, from 17 March.

The GLW had a long Guide meeting last night so I had the house to myself. No greater love hath a man for his woman than to agree to tape “America’s Next Top Model” even though it means he can’t change channel (we have Sky but no aerial so have to watch the channel we’re taping) to watch the football.

I found out that because BBC 2 Scotland shows Gaelic programmes on a Thursday the editions of “Brainbox Challenge” shown on a Thursday and Friday in England go out on Friday and Saturday in Scotland. So I’ll be on tonight and my pals will be shown up here on Friday. It was strange watching the show last night as there were a few others I had spent time with in the green room. I only shared a few hours with them but they feel like old friends.

After I found out about the scheduling I e-mailed a few people with my latest “Blatant Self Publicity” bulletin to let them know that my show would DEFINITELY be going out tonight. Andrew Collins suggested there was a book in it – “Memoirs of a Game Show Loser”, anyone? It planted a seed but I don’t think I have the skill to do it. Maybe I do but I always doubt my own abilities and it’ll just end up as another fanciful idea, another “contender”, another woulda-coulda-shoulda.

Watched some of Arsenal’s victory over AC Milan. I’ve never seen Milan look so ordinary. When the GLW came in I checked the tape of her ANTM show and the end of the programme, the last couple of vital minutes when they choose who stays and who goes, was lost because the tape ran out!! (Memo to self: Must get that Sky+ sorted). The GLW and I then settled down with a cup of tea and the video remote as we fast-forwarded our way through the last couple of editions of Mastermind, which we hadn’t watched.

Mastermind is one show I’ve never really considered going for although, when I did “Do They Not Know That”, an ITV Digital football quiz, as part of a Hibernian team, I had to do two solo rounds. I had to swat up on the Hibs career of Franck Sauzee and the Skol Cup winning run of 1991. I did well on the latter. In fact, I only got one question wrong and that was the score in the final, the first question!!! A lot of the information I needed to find out wasn’t available on the information super dual carriageway so I went to the National Library and trawled through the Scotsman and Evening News archives. It paid dividends as I scored 13 in 90 seconds, an impressive haul. The show itself was the Sagrada Familia of quizzes in that it went on forever (12 groups of 9 teams) and remains unfinished as ITV Digital went belly up before it was completed. Last year I managed to get copies of the shows we did (only one of them actually aired). Originally ITV wanted £150 for the DVDs but reneged and sent them for nothing as I’d been on the show. Pity the BBC weren’t so generous. I’m still trying to get copies of a couple of shows I was on and I’d love a decent copy of my “Wheel of Fortune” show, which I have on an old blank tape, but the Beeb charge £100 per show.

I have another Top 5 in today’s Scotsman with “Best Constructed Language” (add LINK). As a Brucie Bonus it’s also won me a meal for two at The Wee Restaurant in North Queensferry. Woo-hoo!

Grant Stott played 1981 on today’s Top Ten at Ten Plus Ten and I think it’s the best year ever for chart pop – Adam and the Ants, Depeche Mode, Kim Wilde et al. My favourite year ever is 1967.

My reaction to my TV appearance tomorrow...

UNIVERSALLY CHALLENGED

Tuesday 4 March

WMESB™: A reasonable straightforward journey into work, although the X57 driver told a passenger that he doesn’t stop at the Holiday Inn Garden Court, even though the bus stop says it should. And I KNOW it should because I am BUS MAN!!

Last night I attended the New Driver Evening at Fife Police HQ as part of the Pass Plus scheme. Fife Police, in conjunction with Fife Council, offer the scheme at a reduced rate so instead of paying £150 for 6 Pass Plus lessons, they offer a 75% discount giving a price of £35, which, i'm sure you'll agree, is very reasonable.

It was an hour and a half presentation, including an attempt to sell Advanced Driver Training lessons too. I might consider it if I had “spare” cash but I haven’t so I’ll await that Lotto win. I also couldn’t believe that two people turned up half an hour late for the presentation. I found the venue easily enough but the trip home wasn’t so straightforward as I took just one wrong turning at one of the many roundabouts and before I knew it I was back at Police HQ! Driving round roads I don’t know, in the dark, was rather scary and I suspect I may have committed several driving offences. Thankfully the roads were quiet. Perhaps my next TV appearance will be on "Police Camera Action 7". I pulled in at Police HQ, checked my map, saw where I had gone wrong (I blame the poor signage) and drove off.

The GLW had kindly bought me the Duffy album “Rockferry” to listen to while I drove to Glenrothes and back. After a couple of listens, albeit under the steady hum of an engine, I liked the album and I know that it’ll grow on me even more. What I like about the album is that it isn’t perfect. It’s good and an excellent debut but it’s not perfect. I see that the backlash has already started and some reviews were going down the very lazy new-Amy-Winehouse route. Duffy actually dropped her first name, Aimee, for fear of such comparisons. “Rockferry” augurs well for the future and good luck to her.

I tiptoed into the house at 9pm because the GLW was watching the final episode of “The Palace”. I busied myself doing, well, anything else I could think of. The GLW had taped the final of "University Challenge" so we watched it between “The Palace” and “Damages”. It was a good contest with Christ Church Oxford (captained by a lad who could easily have been in the Lovin' Spoonful or some other West Coast band in the 60s) triumphing over a one-man Sheffield effort. I didn’t get much right but the three-part question about the 1950 World Cup was meat and drink to me (The answers were Uruguay, India and England). As usual, the GLW got what I call the “snobby” questions while I got the “scum” questions.

MUM’S THE WORD

Monday 3 March

WMESB™: Froze my nads off at my shelterless bus stop this morning (* More on this later). Got the X57 into town and had the pleasure of my pal Fiona’s company. Hadn’t seen her for ages on the bus as she now gets different buses to work. She was one of the campaigners to save the Yellow Taxibus.

I had most of the weekend to myself so I got on with a number of little projects. I’m making a box set for Jock ‘n’ Roll Dave’s birthday. He was in a band called Paintbomb! and I have most of their gigs on tape. For years I’ve been saying I’ll copy them for him but haven’t got round to it. I have an empty CD box that can fit six discs in it so I’m putting the Paintbomb! gigs and demos on to three of them and making some compilations for the other three.

One of the compilations is going to be called “I Was Looking For A Job…” and will feature tracks/bands with occupations in the title e.g. “The Composer” (The Supremes) or “If I Were A Carpenter” (Four Tops). Yesterday I spent most of the afternoon sorting out a long shortlist, which I’ll whittle down this week. Any other suggestions would be welcome.

I was also thinking of doing a compilation of instrumentals and maybe a CD full of quiz audio rounds (Dave’s a quiz nut too).

I haven’t written much over the last few days as I’ve been busy with little bits and pieces and, to be honest, rather depressed, so here’s a brief summary:

Friday: I found out today that the edition of “Brainbox Challenge”, which I feature in briefly, will be broadcast on Wednesday 5 March at 6.30pm on BBC2.

Tickets have been purchased for Edwyn Collins’ gig at The Queen’s Hall in Edinburgh on April 21st and I Am Kloot’s gig at the ABC2 in Glasgow on April 27th (anyone with advice on parking in Glasgow on a Sunday night would be appreciated). I was in the queue behind a couple of woman buying tickets for Girls Aloud and The Proclaimers at the Castle. £77 for two tickets Girls Aloud tickets (that doesn’t include the £3.50 per ticket for using a credit card – they went to a bank to get cash instead). At least Dick Turpin wore a mask!

Thursday: Usually it’s me that is so wound up by the Dunfermline (De) Press that I feel the need to wax lyrical but it’s the GLW who is annoyed. The Press asks a number of people a question of a current subject and these answers are spread out through the paper. This week’s topic is real nappies and the GLW is appalled by the responses of the people spoken to. Some of these women need shooting for the pathetic excuses these give for not using real nappies. EXPAND.

Wednesday: I have another Top 5 in the Recommends section of The Scotsman. The topic was “Musical Mothers” for Mother’s Day. I’ve also noticed over the last couple of weeks that someone else is trying to muscle in on my musical Recommends. McCabe, I’m the Daddy – remember that!!

There wasn’t much on telly so I adjourned to my study and listened to Andrew Collins and Richard Herring’s very enjoyable first Podcast . (I’ve downloaded their second and third ones too, for later consumption). It took me up to “Shameless”, which was a less than cheery episode. I’m actually getting to the point with it whereby I wouldn’t be bothered if I missed it. It used to be essential viewing.

*I received a reply from Fife Council again with regards to my request for a bus shelter, which goes as follows:

“I refer to your email dated 26th February 2008 to Cllrs Goodall, Martin, Rumney and Walker and also to our previous email correspondence regarding the above matter.

As you know, a recent assessment of the bus stop in question has shown there is currently an insufficient passenger usage to meet Fife Council's criteria for bus shelter provision.

However, the forthcoming bus service changes (7th April) may have a positive impact on the usage of this stop. Therefore, once these service changes have bedded in, I will arrange for another passenger survey to be carried out in May. Should the usage of the stop then meet the criteria for shelter provision, I will look towards the most suitable available Capital funding source to procure shelter facilities at this stop. I would point out at this stage that any proposed bus shelter site is subject to consultation with adjacent households and any objections duly considered.

With regard to the existing bus shelters on Linburn Road, I will monitor the usage of the two stops near Masterton roundabout following the service changes. When the NHS submitted their planning application to build the new Health Centre on Linburn Road near Trondheim Parkway, Transportation Services requested the provision of two bus shelters at this development as this type of facility is likely to generate a significant public transport demand. I understand these shelter facilities are currently being installed.

I trust this clarifies the current situation and will write to you again once the May survey is complete.”

This translates as “you’ve got two hopes and one’s Bob”. I actually thought my ears were going to snap off this morning it was so cold. I can’t help wondering what we in the Eastern Expansion are getting for our council tax. Oh silly me, I forgot about our three recycling bins and…er…that’s it! We’ve got no direct bus service to Edinburgh (three services have been removed), the police can’t find us and only now, four years after moving in, are we finally getting local amenities; a library, a school and a health centre. Rumours of a pub and Post Office are unconfirmed at this time.

I get a call from Orange about the reverse-charged texts I’ve been receiving (remember the one asking me to text STAR to 60999 to audition for the next Harry Potter film!). It seems that, under normal circumstances, Orange don’t provide itemised phone bills for Pay As You Go customers but, because I was misinformed, they’ll send me a list of calls for the last three months. The guy who called me also gave me the contact details for the company concerned, MX Telecom. He gave me their 0870-19994741 number but there’s no way I’m going to give them any more money. Orange have said that, once again, they’ll give me 100 free texts but they said that last time and then sent me a text that they couldn’t do it after all.

I’ve now e-mailed the company (support@txtnation.com) and asked that all of these messages stop and that they refund me for charges already accrued. It may be only pennies but there’s a principle at stake here. How can I be charged for something I didn’t ask for in the first place and why show I pay again to ask them to stop? Don’t make me angry; you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. (Stop Press: my e-mail has returned as “YOUR EMAIL TO SUPPORT@TXTNATION.COM HAS NOT BEEN PROCESSED” so I’ve resent it to feedback@txtnation.com).

Me and “the lads” have three topics of discussion in our usual e-mail chats (usually entitled "Working Group" or "Evaluation Report" to disguise the fact we're not really working); top 5 own goals, top 5 girl singers and top 5 songs that “get you in such a way that you find yourself having to listen to them on repeat endlessly” (© Joe)

My Top 5 girl singers, off the top of my head, were/are:

1. Helen Shapiro
2. Madeline Bell
3. Dusty Springfield
4. Ella Washington
5. Duffy

My Top 5 songs to play on endless repeat are:

1. Chin Chin - Stop! Your Crying
2. Babybird - Goodnight
3. Ride - Twisterella
4. Field Mice - Sensitive
5. The Icicle Works - Hollow Horse

Competition Update: The GLW and I have won a personalised bottle of Famous Grouse whisky from The List. We don’t drink it so we’ll get it personalised with a message for someone who does like the stuff. How about “how can you drink this shit?” We’d give it to the postie but he still hasn’t delivered our prizes from Mojo or the football website.

Memo to self: Write shorter daily blogs instead of saving them up and why don't you use pictures anymore?

THE LAST FEW DAYS

Tuesday 26 February

WMESB™: The D7 was on time and I got the X57 but it was the grumpy driver so I had no chance of getting off at the Learmonth Hotel.

Thankfully I’m back in my own office today.

Last night’s telly consisted of Brainbox Challenge, Mastermind, University Challenge and Damages. The GLW watched “The Palace”, which is “so bad, it’s good”. I’ll take her word for it.

Still no sign of the three outstanding competition prizes yet, which is a worry. Most of the time I’ll have a prize before I know I’ve won it or where it’s come from. I never normally have to wait more than 28 days, at the most.

A horrendous journey home tonight as only cars were allowed over the Forth Road bridge. Tricia was almost involved in a road rage incident. Someone who had tried to cut in earlier tried it again and she refused to budge. the guy in question tried to go back into the other lane to overtake us but our liane suddenly sped up and we lost him.

Monday 25 February

WMESB™: Never a dull moment on Stagecoach! This morning I get my usual D7 to the Ferrytoll. Now the D7 then changes into a 53 to Dalgety Bay and one little old man gets on. However, this morning I was surprised to see a whole line of people queuing to get on. As I walk along this queue I turn round to see the sign on the side of the bus, which reads “53 Edinburgh”. Somewhat confused I join the end of the queue and wait to get back on the bus I’d just got off. When I get back on I say to the driver that I’m slightly confused because this bus normally turns into a Dalgety Bay bus. He says, no, the route is right. “Fair enough” and I sit down. At this point I start wondering if this will be a new direct service from the my house to Edinburgh and compose a congratulatory e-mail to the Operations Manager in my head.

Any euphoria is short-lived because the bus leaves the Ferrytoll and just as I think it’s on its way to Edinburgh it goes all the way round the roundabout and comes back into the Park and Ride. The driver then stops the bus, gets out of his seat and announces that this bus doesn’t go to Edinburgh. I resist the temptation to sing the “Told You So” song as a light and get on the waiting X57.

The sorry doesn’t end there because I see that the X57 driver is the grumpy one I’ve crossed swords with before. I also see the girl from my work, who also gets off at the Learmonth too. My money’s on him not stopping for her and I’m proved right. She’s confused by this and no wonder. Maybe the bus isn’t supposed to stop there but it has for the last few weeks. She walks back to work form the West End and I get a bus. I try and see her coming into work so I can explain the long-standing problems with the bus but I miss her.

The rest of the day is spent in a Review Panel. Over a hundred people have applied for promotion and they’re looking to half that before inviting successful candidates for interview. My job, such as it is, is to distribute the papers to the three pairs of assessors and then, well, that’s it! Thankfully, I only have a day of it.

“Brainbox Challenge” starts on BBC 2 tonight. I don’t know when I’m on but it’ll be fascinating to see all the people I met when I was there, especially Hannah, Ben and Jenna, who were all really friendly.

Sent off another Top 5 for the Recommends section of The Scotsman. It relates to Mother’s Day but I’ll say no more than that. I have a few others in the pipeline. I’ve also sent off my application to present a show on Kirkcaldy VRN, a hospital radio station, which also broadcasts to Kirkcaldy.

Sunday 24 February

After a great sleep, I join the others who are already up. Dave and I take the girls for a walk to get some fresh air and the Sunday papers. All manner of twisting roads, stairs and paths take us to Colinton village. Not used to walking so far I’m knackered when I get back and I have shin splints. The Flickster is unphased and has another shot on the trampoline. Where do kids get their energy?

The rest of the morning is spent doing the crosswords together and eating cake. Life doesn’t get any better. Dave and I then have another wee jam. I say, “jam”, it’s more of Dave showing me something and me trying to learn it! Dave kindly lends me a little amp and a tuner.

We say our goodbyes, after a wonderfully relaxing weekend and head home. It almost felt like a holiday, even though we only went over the bridge.

Saturday 23 February

What a day. I bump into so many people that I know. Before I even get on the D7 I meet Martin who I know from Edinburgh. He’s now in Dunfermline and not far from me. We exchange tales of our kids before I head into Edinburgh. I get off the bus and before I can decide where I’m going to get my hair cut I bump into Julie, a regular visitor to out house and an ex-colleague of the GLW’s. She recommends a barber down the bottom of Broughton Street and head off purposefully. My £1 a minute haircut takes 8 minutes then I head off to Easter Road to meet Dave, my co-conspirator in the Jock n Roll website.

As I wait for Dave yet another person I know and haven’t spoken to since I worked with him says hello. It’s a small world and I wouldn’t like to paint it. Dave and I head off to the guitar shop to get me a lead before adjourning to Robbies for a small libation or two. Not unsurprisingly, we bump into someone else we know, Kev.

At 2.30 we head off to the game. It’s pay at the gate (£21) and we settle into our seats in the East Terrace. No sooner has the game begun than Hibs take the lead. Three minutes later and the lead is doubled. Any thoughts that this may prove to be a rout are worn away soon enough as the following 85 minutes are absolute dross.

Happy enough with the win we leave the ground, only to walk right past Malcolm Ross, who had featured on “Caledonia Dreaming” last night. Pity we didn’t get a chance to speak to him about the programme. I wonder what he thought.

It was back to Dave’s for food and board games, after our daughters had been put to bed. Miracle of miracles: not only did I win at Trivial Pursuit but I beat the GLW in front of witnesses! It’s not often I beat her so I’m going to gloat as long as possible! We also played a good game called “Chronology”.

Friday 22 February

It’s already been discussed elsewhere but I’ll repeat how disappointed with this programme. What was supposed to be about Postcard Records and its influence turned into a party political broadcast on behalf of SNP/Independence. With the exception of The Go-Betweens, who only released one single on the label, Postcard Records was essentially Orange Juice, Josef K and Aztec Camera. OJ and JK were featured heavily in the first 15 minutes but Aztec Camera merited only the briefest mention in the commentary by Edith Bowman.

The documentary then drifted off into a revisionist look at the political “influence” of the Artists for independence movement fronted by Elaine C Smith, Pat Kane and Ricky Ross. The GLW was politically active around this time and she doesn’t recall this “movement” having as much influence as intimated in the programme. It might have meant something in Glasgow but nobody else in Scotland would listen to the ramblings of Rab C Nesbitt’s “wife”. This part of the show took up too much time and distracted from the apparent aim of the show. There were no interviews with Alan Horne or Roddy Frame and Malcolm Ross, who played in all three Postcard records, wasn’t given much time.

This was a wasted opportunity and resulted in a mess of a programme. Was it about Postcard Records or was it a history of Scottish rock and pop? Either way, it failed spectacularly and was a ramshackle hotchpotch of a programme

EELS LIKE I’M IN LOVE

Tuesday 19 February

WMESB™: Another day, another late bus and another stupid driver who doesn’t know what the number 4 looks like. I ask him to punch 4 and he punches 5, the muppet. The D7 used to be sharp enough to sometimes catch the 55; now it struggles to catch the X57, which is still continuing to stop at the Learmonth Hotel. The Operations Manager is going to look at the registration of the X57 so as to make it a permanent stop on the route.

Work wasn’t particularly exciting today and I took the opportunity to tidy up some paperwork and do some filing. I wrote to Orange to get a copy of my itemised mobile phone bill because I’ve started to receive reverse-billed text messages. I received a text from TalentText on Friday afternoon asking me if I wanted to audition for the next Harry Potter movie. I was to text STAR to 60999. I knew immediately it was a scam so I put “60999 text scam” into Google and I found that the number has been used a lot for various expensive scams. I found a website for a company called Talent Text and sent them a strongly worded e-mail informing them I would take legal action if I received any more of these texts and would be looking for recompense. So far, they haven’t responded.

I got the 29 to George Street after work, alighted and then attempted to cross the pedestrian crossing at the junction with Hanover Street. I let one set of cars go and then step on to the crossing. A car in the second lane decided he didn’t want to stop at the crossing and tried to drive straight over it. He got stuck in traffic and he was half-parked on the crossing. I slapped the back of his car to show my annoyance at him failing to stop. As I got across I turned round to give him “daggers”. He proceeded to give me the middle finger. As I turned to approach his car he drove off, only to get stuck on the roundabout as he turned towards Hanover Street. I crossed the next at the top of Hanover Street and he passed me again. This time it was his female companion who using the abusive gestures towards me. I was fuming all the way home, mainly because I didn’t get their registration plate. I did however send off a two-line letter to the letters page of the Evening News expressing my anger at these two morons.

Things got worse. On the way to the Ferrytoll the X54, after a game of ‘after you, no, after you’, allows the D7 to go into the Ferrytoll first. This is the D7 I connect with and tell the X54 driver this. He peeps his horn at the D7 driver but he doesn’t hear. I tried to make a run for it but the D7 driver decides not to stop to see if anyone on the buses behind wants to transfer to his bus and he speeds off. My fury is doubled, nah trebled, and I spend the next 15 minutes marching up and down angrily. The complaint e-mail is written in my head as I fume even more.

I managed to calm down by stuffing my face with some comfort food, namely boiled eggs and toast. I feel better.

The rest of the evening is spent writing some more stuff for The Scotsman and I even sent an e-mail to Ian Hunter (he of Mott the Hoople fame) and Max from Splodgenessabounds. The chances of an immediate response from Ian were crushed when I noticed from his website he was actually in Edinburgh playing at Cabaret Voltaire. Max Splodge answers my query, via Stretch from his website, and he’ll feature in one of my forthcoming pieces.

“The Silver Shadow” (name changed so that quiz show producers don’t think he’s a pro even though he isn’t), who I went on Sudo-Q with, has another audition on Friday. I had a form for the same show but I’ve been so busy with writing articles and quizzes that I haven’t got round to it. He gave me a heads up on a show he’d been on and what happens at the audition so I know what to expect because I also have a form for it. I MUST fill it in tonight. I need the GLW to complete her form for “Are You Smarter Than a Ten Year Old?” too because I think she’d be good on it.

I watched “Watchdog” on iPlayer before heading downstairs for “Shameless”.

Wednesday 20 February

WMESB™: The driver punched the right ticket – hurrah! The bus was on time – hurrah! That’s as good as it got. A man, for reasons best known to himself, decides to leave a massive gap at the front of the queue at the Ferrytoll and then can’t understand why everyone overtakes him to get on the X57, which he also gets on. Then he commits another cardinal sin. He sits down and then places something on the adjacent seat so no one else can sit there. Normally I would target that seat deliberately but after all the hassles of the last two days I didn’t want the stress.

I calm down with “Meet The Eels” on the CD player (the £8 one from Tesco!!) and I’m chilled by the time I get to work.

My Mojo prizes still haven’t turned up yet and I’m getting a little bit cheesed off about it.

Iamkloot, one of my favourite current bands, are playing in Glasgow on Sunday 27 April so I’m going to take the opportunity to enjoy my second cross-country gig trip. Gaz is up for coming too so I’ll have company. No idea what the parking situation is like near the ABC. I might just bite the bullet and use a car park. I believe it’s only £2 maximum on a Sunday. My experiences of driving in Glasgow haven’t been great so far, so god knows how we’ll get on. We’re off work the week after, in the run up to my birthday, so it won’t matter if I have a late night.

I flick between the Brits, the Celtic v Barcelona game and Crimewatch. I wonder for about two seconds how my predictions for the Brits went and then I realised that I couldn't give a Falkirk. If the Celtic game had been a boxing match it would have been stopped. Barcelona were merciless but having said that two of their goals came directly from Celtic errors and were therefore preventable. Then again, I don't support them so what do I care? In fact, I'd have been better off avoiding the Brits and the football and concentrating on some writing. I can watch Crimewatch on iPlayer.

I'll do an hour's work and then have a shave. Promise.

BOBS AND PIECES*

WMESB™: This morning's D7 was so late that it came along in tandem with the next D7. Had to check it was the one that goes the direct route, rather than the long way. On the way home I entered another stupid driver. I got on and said, "Number 2, please" and handed the ticket to him in such a way that he could easily slot it into his punch machine. "I can only do one on this ticket", he says. I look at him as if to say "what the fuck are you on about?". I wonder if he's misunderstood me so I explain that my ticket only gets punched once because my journey in split in two and I transfer at the Ferrytoll. It dawns on me that he thinks I'm trying to pay for one of the two old dears getting on behind me. I point out that the ticket is only for me. He then gets a bit of an attitude because I look at him as he's a moron, which he is. You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

Four crosswords posted today - Scotsman Crossbar, Express Crusader (including the word Epicurean, which is the name of an album by The Orchids), Express Big Monday Crossword (because it's big, it comes out on a Monday, it's a crossword and it's in the Express) and the Bare Bones from the Mail on Sunday. Finger's crossed.

There's a programme called "Caledonia Dreaming" on BBC 4 on Friday about the Postcard Records label. Essential viewing for indie kids everywhere.

I get an e-mail from Mojo to say my prize is finally on its way. I haven't had this much trouble getting a prize since I won a load of stuff from The Big Issue over a period of months and then spent the next 18 months chasing them for them. (I even won a John and Norma Major jigsaw!) I haven't bought it since as a point of principle.

Over the weekend I wrote a lot of questions for two quiz nights I'm doing in May. Both are paying gigs, which is nice. On Sunday, I wasn't in the mood at first but then I went and got the papers and did all the comps and crosswords. For some reason the Express have binned the NPN (No Purchase Necessary) routes for their magazine comps. Must ask them why.

The GLW's Amazon order finally arrived and I got my Valentine's Day present, which was "Meet the Eels - Essential Eels", the CD with the free DVD of videos.

I received an application form for "Goldenballs". Between the GLW and I we have three quiz show forms to complete. A job for tomorrow night methinks. We've thought about the "Postcode Lottery" show, fronted by Carol Smillie, but we don't know three brainy neighbours. Actually, we don't know many of our neighbours. Maybe we should hold trials and the three brainiest (obviously the GLW and I are gimmes) will join us. The problem is that we've never seen the show because it clashes with University Challenge.

I can't believe that Dave, friend and co-founder of Jock 'n' Roll, tried to phone us during University Challenge tonight. That's bad enough but it was the first of the semi-finals. We ignored it and rang him back straight after it. He told me he been on a train from leeds and got chatting to a guy who in the band End Games, had played on "Sons and Facsination" and got off his head with The Associates.

The shortlist has been announced for the UK Eurovision entry and once again my head is in my hands. Another ensemble of Z-list wannabes and reality show rejects has made the final six. I'm only surprised that Lisa Scott-Lee isn't one of them. The "name" amongst the list is Michelle Gayle and she'll be up against two girls groups; The Revelations and LoveShy, Andy Abrahams, an X-Factor runner-up, and Rob McVeigh and Simona Armstrong, two also-rans from the hideous BBC Joseph and Maria shows. Sadly, the show will have the same strung out formula as so many other shit shows seem to have just now. The show, called "Eurovision: Your Decision" goes out in two parts on 1 March. Of course, I'll be watching it but I'll be on pills of some description!

* The Flickster gets "bits and bobs" and "bits and pieces" confused and comes up with the title of today's entry. God bless her.

TELEVISION, DRUG OF THE NATION

Tuesday 12 February 2008

WMESB™: The X57 stopped at the Learmonth Hotel by mistake this morning so I got off there and saved myself £1 and 20 minutes.

I forgot to mention yesterday that we won £25, a runners-up prize, in the Sunday Express Skeleton crossword. It was in the GLW’s name but I fill them all in. That’ll go towards the Sky+ fund.

You would think it’d be easy to order Sky+ but it isn’t. It’s £99 for the box if you order online, as opposed to the normal £149, but I can’t seem to be able to get it without being taken to page offering other services/products. What’s more, new customers, when they purchase it along with other services, get installation for £30, while loyal customers like me would have to fork out £60 just for the installation of the Sky+ box. I think I’d rather do without than pay £159. I may have to phone them. In the end I decided to ask for advice from a website forum that knows about such things.

I’ve also finally sent off to do my Pass Plus course. Uptake in Fife is so poor that Fife Council, in conjunction with Fife Constabulary, only charges £35, a 75% reduction. Anything that can reduce our car insurance is worth doing.

So that’s the TV, telephone, Broadband and car insurance sorted. I’m also going to get back on the prize draw trail, which was reasonably profitable, and try and do a pub quiz in Dunfermline on a Monday night. There’s supposed to be a new pub opening up near Tesco and it’d be nice to get one there, within walking distance of home. Maybe I should try for a quiz on a Tuesday night because, quite frankly, the telly’s gash. I only watch “Shameless”, which isn’t as good as it was but is still better than most things.

FLYING THE FLAG

Wednesday 13 February 2008

WMESB™: The X57 again stopped where it shouldn’t and I took advantage.

I had a couple more pieces in the Recommends section of The Scotsman today. One was “Best Valentine’s Day Events” and the other was for “Musical Valentines”.

The Evening News are at it again. Yet again a positive story is turned into another pathetic piece of snidy anti-gay propaganda and what the “magic circle” references, tagged on to either end of the story, have got to do with the flag story is beyond me. What’s interesting is that they haven’t actually spoken to any current members of staff because if they did they’d find a lot of support for it. But they don’t make good press. The ex-member of staff quoted must have got in touch with the paper him/herself to stir it up. Bitter or what? And for someone to walk out because of the flag on “religious grounds” is nothing more pathetic piece of attention-seeking. Whoever you are, give yourself a bloody good shake. This is 2008 and we live in a modern multi-cultural society, get over it. If you don’t like it, foxtrot oscar!

That story almost annoys me as much as this one from the same paper. “McMillan told police officers he did not think it was particularly loud” – what, so he turned it up! Twice!! When they crushed his car they should have put him in it. Scum like this really get me wound up. Their sole purpose in life is to upset people and they don’t care about the consequences. Whatever he gets sentenced to it, it won’t be enough. Let this be a lesson to other anti-social scumbags.

(Paul puts away his soap box and walks off, mumbling inaudibly to himself...)

Competition news: My prize still hasn't arrived from Mojo and that's been about 6/7 weeks now. However, I have won another prize from a football website. I've won a pair of Nike football boots, some training cones, a water bottle and a rucksack. Maybe this'll encourage me to get my fitness sorted out. I've had a persistent groin problem which just won't go away. A physio gave me some exercises to do but I've now lost the sheet.

Was it any coincidence that in Tesco tonight the chocolate, champagnes and Valentine's cards section was in the same aisle as, and directly opposite, the condoms?

Every year I do a quiz night for the GLW's office and on the back of that I've been offered another one today. The problem is that it's a charity quiz and whilst it may be for a good cause, I'm loathe to do it for nothing. I put a lot of work into my quiz nights and I've said I'll do it for half my normal (corporate) fee. My agent (the GLW) has left the ball in their court. You do one for nothing and they all want it for free. No more Mr Nice Guy! I've got a mortgage to pay and a wife to keep in shoes.

It surely isn't a coincidence but tonight BT called us and offered to take £2 a month off our Broadband bill. How on earth did they know we were thinking of changing? The GLW played a straight bat and said if we needed to speak to them, we'd give them a call. (Obviously at the weekend, when it's free!)

A CASE OF THE BLUES

Monday 11 February 2008

WMESB™: Another driver this morning who doesn’t know how to count. I handed over my ticket and said, “Number 7, please”. I even handed it to him in the right way so he could pop it straight under his punch. Simple? No. He looks at my ticket, turns it around and punched number 8!! How hard can it be to check the numbers on a 12-journey ticket? I say 7, he checks 7, he punches 7, simple. At the Ferrytoll I let an X57 and X58 go but got fed up waiting and went for an X54. Getting these buses instead of a 55 or 53 means I have to pay £1 to get a bus back to Comely Bank but the stress of waiting at the Park and Ride is too much.

My colleague who regularly gives me a lift home is out of the office this afternoon so I’ll have to endure a toll-free delay-ridden journey home on the bus tonight. Sometimes I don’t mind getting the bus home; a time to collect thoughts and become even more disenchanted, but most days I hate it. The queuing, the sullen drivers, the wait at the soulless Ferrytoll for a connection (usually having just missed one by 30 seconds) and the stupidity of other passengers are just a few of the reasons I dread the trip home. Sure, a lot of people have to go through this but I feel that it’s sucking the very life out of me. The 9 to 5 (8 to 4 in my case) bit in the middle is bad enough without spending 2 ½ hours a day to and from it.

There was a piece in yesterday’s Independent about people getting sacked for having compromising photos or making comments about their employer on their blogs or on social networking sites like Bebo, MySpace and Facebook. Everyone I work with knows I hate what I do and having been screwed over by my employer on a number of occasions I’ve every right to feel bitter and aggrieved.

In 2003 I applied for a job within another department. I thought the interview went well and I was disappointed to find out I hadn’t got it but I philosophical. Someone, I forget whom, then tipped me the wink that the result was “dodgy”. I immediately asked for feedback. I found out that I had scored 147 at interview, ahead of the other two candidates, who both scored 144. By all the rules laid down in the recruitment Policy the job should have been mine. It seems that the manager in question decided that he just didn’t want me and decided on an it’s-my-department-and-I’ll-do-what-I-want stance.

Within minutes of the starting the feedback interview it descended into a farce. I kept asking poignant questions and he wouldn’t give me straight answers. I asked to see the scores, which I was legally entitled to, but the manager concerned refused. Eventually, I took out two grievances but these took their toll on my health and by the time I had to face the second highest person in the organisation, who just happened to be a friend of the manager who didn’t want me, I had lost the will to fight on. I should have taken it further because I was right and what I was enduring was just plain wrong, and illegal, but I was mentally and physically exhausted.

The irony of the situation is that one of the reasons cited for me not getting the job was that I was too ambitious yet the girl who was given the job lasted less than years before leaving. The manager in question also left for a cosy 18-hour £30k a year job working from home as a “consultant”. Rather interestingly, the news of this cushy number made the press and I suspect the information came from a disgruntled member of his own team. It probably isn’t healthy but I’ve kept the press cutting just to remind me what a thoroughly obnoxious individual he is.

After that debacle my health continued to suffer. I applied and got a job in a different department but I knew almost immediately that it was a mistake. I lasted a couple of months before an incident with another member of staff resulted in me taking seven months off sick with anxiety, stress and depression. This individual made a racist remark and when I asked her not to say it again she repeated it! At the time both of my senior members of staff were on holiday and when they came back they weren’t interesting in disciplining her.

The tale of woe continues. Upon my eventual return to work I was placed in a department that had no work for me to do. For nine months, in a room on my own, I did nothing but crosswords and puzzles. And that’s my employer’s idea of rehabilitation – putting me in something akin to solitary confinement. I constantly asked for work; I even went to other departments. I was told that when we moved to a new building that things would be different. Wrong! At one point my compassionate manager suggested that “you don’t need a manager, you need a social worker”!! I complained to Personnel and got a face-to-face apology.

Eventually I was redeployed to the post I currently hold. At first it was like I had a new lease of life. I was busy and enjoying myself. I lightened the mood in an office that was having staffing problems. Four members of this small office weren’t getting on with each other. Two years on and all four have gone to pastures new (I liked two of them and didn’t like the other two). Unfortunately the job now has more troughs than peaks and I’m back to twiddling my thumbs. My new colleagues and I are now helping out other departments because we’re quiet work-wise. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been told that, “You’re wasted here”! I need to be in a more creative environment, one where I can use my skills and talents so I can fulfil my potential. At the moment I feel that the very life is being sucked out of me and my motivation is draining away. The knock-on effect is that I have no motivation at home and I’m losing interest in all the hobbies that normally bring my some contentment. All the projects I’ve started have been fallen by the wayside and I seem to spend my time on the PC player iPool. I need to be jumped started with a new challenge (and a big fuck-off pair of spark plugs), but something that pays the bills to keep the GLW happy.

Therefore, I make no apologies if my employer feels that I may be having a go at them because, in this democratic society we live in, I am entitled to my opinion and I will fight for that right.

I didn’t bother about the weekend crosswords yesterday because I used a black cloud of depression as an excuse to take it out on my study by clearing out loads of shit. I filled the whole paper bin and took some stuff up to the recycling centre. It was a job well done although I’m still not entirely happy with the room. At least now I can see the carpet. I do, however, still have a big pile of paperwork to sort and file – a good excuse to go stationery shopping.

That reminds me. After work on Friday I accompanied a colleague into Clinton Cards on Princes Street. Coming down the stairs I spotted a row of signs showing which sections were where within the shop. Sadly, and rather worryingly for a card shop, one of the signs read “Social Stationary”. That’s right, stationery with an A!!! I took a photo on my phone (when I learn how to upload it I will) before spotting the same mistake on another similar sign on the way out!! Unbelievable. (I’ve now e-mailed them).

I missed my mate Mark on "Goldenballs" again. Watched "University Challenge", then "Mastermind" (on tape and fast forwarded through the dull specialist subjects, which, in tonight's case, was all of them) and later on it's "Damages". Until then I'm off to the newly gutted study to listen to Jackie Leven and update the Jock 'n' Roll website.

Haste ye back!

THAT JOKE ISN’T FUNNY ANYMORE

Friday 8 February 2008

WMESB™: Thanks to a late D7, driven by an ex-Yellow Taxibus driver, I missed the 55, which was also running late. I ran for it but it went. I decided I couldn’t be arsed waiting for the next one or the 53 so I got on the X57. The driver, who I had crossed swords with before, made a point of reminding me that it doesn’t stop at the Learmonth Hotel. I heard him but I ignored him. I took my seat behind him by which time he’d got of his seat to repeat what he’d said. “Yeah, I know”, I said firmly as I continued unravelling my mp3 headphones.

Little does he know that the only reason it doesn’t stop there is because I withdrew my request for it to do so. I could’ve been selfish and got it to stop there but realistically it would only have been for me. For the benefit of others, I declined the opportunity to have my own stop. I could’ve explained this to this driver but I suspect that he’d have been too stupid to understand and that, more than likely, I would’ve made some witty retort that would’ve got me thrown on the bus.

It seems that the Operations Manager from Stagecoach tried to call me at work when I was off and no one bothered to pass on the message! He called back to tell me that the D3/D4 will be changing route to accommodate the new Health Centre on Linburn Road as well as other new houses. As a result, they won’t come within 100 yards of the Masterton Roundabout. I don’t get the D3/D4 often enough now to complain about walking a few more yards but I suspect some people, those most in need of exercise, will whinge about it. He was telling me that he does, from time to time, take a bus out, which surprised me because he once said that he couldn’t travel by bus because he gets motion sickness! He even told me that he drives his car to Tesco, which is literally the other side of the roundabout from where he lives. Unbelievable. He also said that he parks as close to the front door as possible, including, if necessary, the hatched area you’re not supposed to park on. He’s no better than a murderer – bring back hanging! I may drive the short walk to Tesco but at least I park at the far end so I have a decent walk to the front door.

This week's Dunfermline (De) Press isn't as "interesting" as last week's although the Fife Free Press has a small item about a couple sentenced to probabtion for committing incest. Mind you it was only a sister and half-brother so I suppose it's only half incest.

EGG ON THEIR FACES

Banks 'cancel good payers' cards'
Eggs acts over 'risky' customers

Once again money lenders are moving the goalposts. The campaign against high bank charges has galvanised them to find other ways of making money out of customers, which is all they seem to care about. Lenders don't seem to realise the knock-on effect towards their other products. Is someone who has had their Egg card cancelled going to use that company or their affiliates again? No. In the long run the lenders will lose custom. Customers have never been more savvy about their finances.

FIRE UP THE QUATTRO!

Thursday 7 February 2008

WMESB™: A big queue at the Ferrytoll meant only one thing – the 55 was late. Thankfully the X57 and X54 turned up first and everyone in front of me, bar a dithering couple, got on them. I pounced and walked all the way round to the 55, which snuck in behind the first two.

It was back to work today after two days of flu-like symptoms. I was floored but I slept it off and am back fighting fit. Well, as fit as I ever was.

Last night’s video tape de-cluttering went very well. While watching England beat the Swiss I had hundreds of blank videos spread out on the living room floor. The video sleeves were removed and recycled whilst the videos themselves will be taken to the local recycling place. A job well done methinks. I saved about a dozen tapes but otherwise I was ruthless. I’ve no doubt that I’ll have thrown out some wee gems but sometimes you have to bite the bullet. We needed the space. If I had the time or the technology I’d have gone through them and saved stuff of interest but I haven’t. So there.

I got a lift home tonight and during the journey I spotted the Head of Finance on his mobile phone when we overtook him. A wind up e-mail tomorrow methinks. Actually, I spotted a number of people doing likewise tonight. I took the old videos, and an old telly, to the recycling centre. On the way there a woman behind me at the top of Linburn Road was blethering away on her phone. I wagged my finger at her but then I got so distracted I stalled! Then on the way home I was tailgated all the way up Halbeath Road by another twat on his phone. Knob.

(After stopping off at Tesco for some messages (that's Scots for "shopping") and the Dunfermline(De)Press, I then had to return when I realised that I had somehow managed to lose the GKLW's deodorant!)

Reluctantly I sat through "Waterloo Road", one of the GLW's favourites, so I could (a) finish my tea (pasta and coronation chicken - yummy!) and (b) sit back and enjoy the return of Gene Hunt. "Ashes To Ashes" certainly didn't disappoint and I was great looking for cultural references from my own youth for a change. Tab, Sony Walkman, Adam and the Ants; all there and more. Roll on next week.

Fire up the Quattro!!

FOR WHOM THE BUS FARE TOLLS

Wednesday 6 February 2008

As George in Flick's favourite "Peppa Pig" would say, "I'm not very well". I've had two days off work and apart from a trip each day to collect the car I've been moping about the house feeling rather sorry for myself.

I hate to say I told you so but this story from the BBC backs up what I said on 31 January and 25 January about Stagecoach and bus fares. They're saving money by not paying the bridge toll but they won't pass it on to passengers because the Scottish Government have frozen Fuel Duty Rebate/Bus Service Operators' Grant/whatever you want to call it and it'll cost the bus industry £7.5m in 18 months. My heart bleeds purple piss for them.

What gets me is how price hikes, sorry "reviews" are now an annual occurrence. We all remember when football teams used to bring out a new strip every three or four years and then the money-grabbers decided to change it (and the away/third/cup/testimonial kits) every season. Now it seems that bus fares are going the same way. Stagecoach may blame the Government for the apparently going against their own green claims but they have a part to play themselves. I wonder how long it'll be before Stagecoach goes into property management.

When I'm ill I like nothing better than to cuddle up on the settee and watch "Diagnosis Murder". Okay, so it's no "Morse" or "Poirot" but I don't have to think about it. Only I didn't get to indulge myself today because it was a bloody repeat!! I have myself all psyched up. I had the hankies, the hot drink, the remote control; all within arms reach, but what do I get, a bloody repeat! Still, at least I have my health...just.

On my £1.20 ten-minute bus trip to pick up the car this lunchtime I saw a sight I hadn't seen in quite a while. I saw someone using a telephone box and, no, they weren't peeing in it of skinning up in it, they were actually using the phone. I thought everyone had a mobile phone. Even some tramps have got mobiles, and it's usually better than mine! The BBC Online has a piece on this very subject in today's Magazine section.

Whilst still on the subject of phones, I really must thank David Hepworth for introducing me, and no doubt many others, to "Don't Hang Up". The premises of this radio show was quite simple. The presenter would call a phone box somewhere in the world and record the conversations with whoever picked up the phone. The one linked on David's blog is brilliant, albeit dark, and I recommend it to everyone. Only nine of them were made and "Speechification" has two of them.

The GLW calls the National Lottery a "stupidity tax" and I can't argue with that but with this week's Euro-Millions set for a "Superdraw" jackpot of £95m who can resist a wee shot. I often while away bus journeys wondering just what I would do with that sort of money. Obviously, that sort of money is too much money and I would share some of it out between friends and family. I know who my friends are and thier loyalty would be rewarded. I'd probably want a big house, somewhere in Edinburgh, a decent car and a nice long holiday. Oh, the joy of never having to work again.

The GLW are continuing our de-cluttering of the house. Tonight, before I settle down to watch the England match, I'm going to bag up all those videos that have sat at the back of the shelves in the study gathering dust (Blank ones, not pre-recorded). I've no doubt there are many gems held within them but we haven't looked at them in years and any films that we want can easily be purchased cheaply enough. They've gotta go.

GOT MY MOJO WORKING

Monday 4 February 2008

WMESB™: No problems and I even managed to catch the 55, which I usually just miss.

I’m back in my normal office this week after spending a week in Recruitment. We’re up to date and there’s bugger all to do so we’re being loaned out to Training and Recruitment to give them a hand.

Watched “Later” over the weekend and was impressed enough with Radiohead to want their new album. Cat Power and Mary J Blige left me rather cold though.

Crossword Watch: The Scotsman has the Sports Crossbar and the Express has two crosswords on a Monday. I’ll have them knocked out and in the post by lunchtime. Winning the crossword prize in the local papers is one thing but it’d be nice to win a “biggie”. Anything over £500 would be welcome. That reminds me, I really must do a blog about all the competition prizes I’ve won and the game shows I’ve done. The only problem with the latter is that the information is then out in the open and any production assistant worth their salt can find it and then, almost certainly, rule me out for being some sort of “professional”. I’m by no means a quizzing pro, I just love doing quiz and game shows. I get a kick out of it. Any prize, whether big or small, is a bonus. I think I make a good contestant because I enjoy myself, am not bothered by the cameras and I help to lighten the mood for more nervous contestants.

I see that the Scottish Government are investing money in teaching newcomers how to speak English. I do hope Charlie Nicholas takes up the offer.

Today’s Top 10 doing the e-mail rounds was Top 10 Favourite Albums EVER. My list, in no particular order, went as follows:

The Beach Boys – Pet Sounds
Marc and the Mambas – Torment and Toreros
Radiohead – OK Computer
Ella Washington – He Called Me Baby
The Smiths – The Smiths
Aztec Camera – High Land, Hard Rain
Teenage Fanclub – Grand Prix
Nirvana – Unplugged
Belle and Sebastian – If You’re Feeling Sinister
Scott Walker – Scott 4

Of course, the list would be different tomorrow but off the top of my head I'll stick with those.

A nice surprise when I got home was the arrival of the new Mojo magazine. The covermount CD, "a treasury of British indie rock", is called "Beloved" and features a picture of Diana Dors. This ties in with the cover stars, The Smiths. You may have heard of them. The magazine runs down their 50 Greatest UK Indie Records (singles or albums) of All-Time. While every issue of Q his dominated by lists, Mojo only does them now and again and are, as a result, more interesting. I read the list to the GLW and it was like we were swapping football cardsat school...got..got..got on tape, got, why haven't we got that?... (note to self: really must get "Pillows and Prayers")

I won't spoil the Top 50 but the tracklist for the CD is as follows:

1. The House of Love - Real Animal
2. Felt - Penelope Tree
3. The Las - Son of a Gun (Liz Kershaw session 31/5/88)
4. The Monochrome Set - He's Frank (Slight Return)
5. The Loft - Up The Hill and Down The Slope
6. The Blue Aeroplanes - Jacket Hangs
7. The Sound - Total Recall
8. Orange Juice- Simple Thrilled Honey
9. McCarthy - Keep An Open Mind, Or Else
10. Jane - It's A Fine Day
11. The Wild Swans - The Revolutionary Spirit
12. The Teardrop Explodes - Reward (Mike Read session 16/10/80)
13. The Gist - Love At First Sight
14. Wah! Heat - 7 Minutes To Midnight
15. Half Man Half Biscuit - God Gave Us Life

A girl/lady/what you will on "Mastermind" did the "Life and Music of Kurt Cobain2 and I surprised myself by getting about 8, which isn't bad for someone else's specialist subject. She was leading at half way but her bottle crashed during the General Knowledge round and she lost out by a couple of points.

Why the Beeb have put "Watchdog" up against "Mastermind" is beyond me but the BBC iPlayer has resolved that problem, thankfully. I really must investigate Sky+

I'm going through an Icicle Works-Wah-Care-Wild Swans phase just now. If that doesn't cheer me up then nothing will.

Right, I'm off to watch "Watchdog" on iPlayer, finish off the Herculis crossword from the Telegraph, watch "Damages" (I'm hooked) and make a start, without reference to the internet, on the Mojo crossword. I might even get my last prize before I win it again. I say, might!

WEEKEND MUSINGS

Sunday 3 February 2008

Another two days off and I don't seem to achieved much. Sure, all the recycling's done and the comps and crosswords were completed in record time but I don't feel much has been done. There's always next weekend.

No sooner had I posted my Five Things I Hate and Will Never Like list and who should pop up on the telly but Lisa Scott-Lee. Is it just me or is she the most desperate despicable kind of minor celebrity imaginable.

Apparently the production assistants for "Duel" were phoning prospective victims, sorry, contestants on Friday for this Tuesday's Edinburgh audition. As I haven't heard anything I'll assume I've not been picked. I'm disappointed but it's not the first rejection and I don't suppose it'll be the last. Saturday's edition of "Duel" wasn't exactly great telly, with not one penny won by any contestant. "In It To Win It" wasn't much better with only £30,000 in the cash fund at the end, which, for you stat fans is the joint second lowest ever. One consolation for the Beeb was that they won the ratings war. Okay, technically they weren't in direct opposition but "In It To Win It" was the second most watched show of the night with 7.7 million, a 34% share, whilst "Duel" floundered with 12% and only 2.8 million watchers.

I believe there will be a slight change in the format next week with winners now being forced to stay on until they either lose or win the jackpot. (Currently, after two wins they can opt to take 10% of the jackpot or £10,000 (depending on which chip they choose) or go on. So far afer three shows the two contestants who have had the option have taken the money and ran). Sadly, I'm not sure that'll make much difference.

The dumbing down of the British quiz show means there will be more shows like this where contestants will appear to be thicker and thicker and the viewers, like me, will get angrier and angrier and, ultimately, switch off. I actually think "Duel" is one of those shows where a better level of quizzer would add to the battle.

During one of the breaks on "Duel" there was an advert for a Renault Twingo. Is that not the most stupid name for a car you can ever imagine? It sounds like it should be covered in chocolate with a light wafer filling. "Oh, I'm off to the Bingo in my Renault Twingo"..."I've run over a Dingo in my Renault Twingo"

Random thoughts:

(a) Just how do you decide you want to be a pole vaulter?
(b) Scottish Rugby, why?
(c) The Five ThirtyShow is a load of pish. Discuss.

USED TO LIKE/HATE, NOW I HATE/LIKE

Friday 1 February 2008

WMESB™: Today’s driver thought about selling me the wrong ticket (I saw him go right to the bottom of the menu on his screen) but then he issued me with the one I asked for (“Mega 8 on your machine”), the correct one. I had my e-mail from the Operations Manager up my sleeve just in case. In a way I was quite disappointed because I was waiting for the fight!

Copying a subject from another Blog (Thanks Five-Centres), Dave, Joe and I discussed “Five Things We Used To Like But Now Hate”, “Five Things We Used To Hate But Now Like” and “Five Things We Hate and Would NEVER Like” to ease the boredom of the day.

Here are my choices:

Five things I used to like, but now hate:

Nigella Lawson (I like some meat on the bones but she’s just let herself go)
Embrace (Does every song have to be “anthemic”?)
Public transport (Fun as a child, nightmare as an adult)
My Space/Facebook/Bebo (a total waste of my time)
The Bee Gees (their attitude, not their music)

Five things I used to hate, but now like:

Black pudding/corn beef/meat in general (not big on beef though)
Diana Ross (only in her capacity as lead singer with The Supremes)
New Tricks (if only for Dennis Waterman’s comedy teeth)
Gardening (well, cutting the lawn)
Disney films (the corporation is evil but the old films are classics)

Never liked and never will like:

Ian Wright (arrogance and stupidity is a bad mix)
Liver (just vile)
Rugby Union (for people who don’t like sport)
Rosyth (makes Dunfermline look like Barcelona)
Brussel Sprouts (evil)

Well done to Rosean Carlin for getting a result against her (now former) property management company Ross and Liddell. The story is here and featured on BBC Scotland's “Scotland’s Property Nightmare” programme earlier in the year. A quick look on the www.factorcharges.info site made me laugh. When you go to the link of Recommended Factors you get…well, I won’t spoil the surprise. See for yourself HERE. I’m already had a rant about property management companies, including the one serving my area (see entry on Thursday 10 January) so I won’t go over it again but it is definitely the latest “licence to print money”. Advice: If you’re buying a house, find out if there’s a factor. There might be good ones out there but my experience is that most of them are not.

I’ve decided not to give up on my bus shelter just yet. (There were three brass monkeys there this morning crying their eyes out). Four Fife councillors cover my area but unfortunately they’re from three different parties and they don’t seem to talk to each other. You find that the minority party is the one that puts the effort in to help you and the others don’t care because they have the power. Anyway, I’ve written to one, copied the others in and we’ll see what action, if any, is taken. Watch this space, that’s right, the one where my bus shelter should be.

Every Friday is “Fat Friday”. It’s always fish and chips in the canteen and the low fat, light, fat free food is binned. I still have fruit and water but it’s the fish and chips, with tartare sauce (what’s actually in tartare sauce? It’s like mayonnaise with bits, isn't it?) that sets me up for the weekend. What with the numerous puzzles and crosswords in the Express (only reason I buy it) and the quiz one of our bosses sends us at 11am I’m surprised I have time for any work. Only joking…or am I?

Have you ever read such a pointless, muck-raking story as this from today's Edinburgh Evening News? Take away the gay and police elements of the story and what have you got? Exactly, brussel sprout. And I thought it was only the Daily Ranger who hated Lothian and Borders Police. What's also interesting is that the online version of this story has changed a number of times since it was first published today, with more quotes from Chief Inspector Lyle himself being added, and the Comments section was removed very early on. This was possibly down to the homophobic nature of some of the comments posted. I have to say that I know David and as far as I'm concerned what he does in his private life is his business. He's not doing anything illegal and it doesn't affect his ability to do his job.

Wednesday 30 January 2008

I found out yesterday that Fife Council has turned down my request for a bus shelter. I’ll just have to continue freezing my nads off as the wind tunnel that is Aberdour Road bites through my weary bones.

Following on from our discussion about our Top 10 Opening and Closing album Tracks, we moved on to our Best Ever Gigs.

Dave went for:

“1. Radiohead - Glastonbury 1997 by a mile
2. American Music Club - Venue 1992
3. Go Betweens Glasgow 1997
4. REM/10,000 maniacs Hammersmith Odeon 1987
5. New Order - Glasgow 1985 (encores were Blue Monday and Love will tear us apart!)
6. Smiths - Caley Palais 1984
7. That Petrol Emotion- Venue 1987
8. Sonic Youth/Mudhoney/ My Bloody valentine- Strathclyde Uni 1989
9. Afghan Whigs - Venue 1994
10. Buffalo Tom - Queen's Hall 1995

Saw the Pogues loads and they were always good and there was one at Barrowlands with both Strummer and Kirsty Maccoll.

Now top 5 worst gigs...

1. Felt- Venue 1987 (saw them 6 months before and they were great then but boy they sucked that night)
2. New Order - Playhouse 1985 (the night before 5 above on the best list).
3. Rose of Avalanche - Venue 1987 (Martin had no one to go with)
4. Seahorses - Glastonbury 1997
5. Weather Prophets Venue 1987

Weirdest gig ever was Nico at the Venue in 1987

1987 was the peak of my gig going career. I had a summer job and was at the Venue most weekends, which is why 6 out of 16 are from then.

And yes I did see 1000 Violins yes and they would be Top 20. Remember one night at the Venue the DJ played Consolation Prize just before they came on. '1000 Violins will play for you...' ”

I plumped for a Top 12, in no particular order, of:

Aztec Camera/The Go-Betweens – Caley Palais 1984 (highest stage in the world)
Primal Scream/Teenage Fanclub – Moray House 1986 (Stuart Cant lost money promoting this gig. Six months later they were both huge!)
The Pixies – Queen’s Hall 1988 (loudest gig ever!)
Echo and the Bunnymen/Benny Profane/KLF – Bootle, Liverpool 1990 (The KLF were in an ice cream van. I only went down to see Benny Profane. Mac wasn’t with the Bunnymen then.)
Ride – Venue 1990
The Orchids/Paintbomb! – Blue Blanket 1993 (first and last venture into rock promotion)
The Smiths – Whole Scottish tour of 7 dates, including Shetland 1985 (best 10 days gigging ever)
The Woodentops – 1986 (won tickets from Cut magazine)
The Smiths/Pete Shelley – Brixton Academy 1986 (The Smiths last ever gig)
Eugenius/The Delgados/The Kaisers – Edinburgh 1996 (great triple bill)
The Webb Brothers/I Am Kloot – The Venue, Edinburgh 2001
The Proclaimers/The Rezillos/Mull Historical Society – Princes Street Gardens 2001(Hogmanay gig that was fabulous)
The Wedding Present – Liquid Rooms 2007 (So many faces from the past in the crowd)

Not put in any 1000 Violins or Popguns but I loved each and every one of their gigs. Saw the Violins about 19 times, the most of any band.

Worst Gigs:
The Crows/Lixx – The Venue 1988 (I accompanied a friend and I hated it)
The Neighbourhood – Newcastle 1988 (A Violins gig was cancelled and Roger and I ended up at the Riverside watching a sub-Simply Red band. Then spent 6 hours in the bus station talking nonsense)
Gerry Sadowitz/Andrew Berry – Manchester 1989 (went on my own, sat on my own, got pished on my own, threw up and got the bus back home. Nookie Brown, never again)
Television Personalities – Moray House 1989 (Awful sound that seem to go on for ever)
REM/Cranberries/Belly – Murrayfield 1995 (Awful sound and full of part-time REM fans who only knew half the hits, although REM were pretty good)

1993 was my biggest year for gigs (23) and 1992/2006 were my worst with only 2 gigs. In 1992 I was in the Navy and I only saw BMX Bandits and Action Painting that year. And even then I only saw Action Painting! (who were in the transition from Sarah Records outfit to NWONW wannabes) because they played at Kelly’s Hotel in Gosport, which was just round the corner from HMS Dolphin. By the way, I can recommend Room 4 at Kelly's as it has a mirrored four-poster bed, but that’s another story - what goes on tour, stays on tour! As for 2006, when I saw Roddy Frame and Maria McKee (not together) I was just an old fart with a child and responsibilities! By the way, Happy Birthday for yesterday Roddy!

DUNFERMLINE (DE)PRESS - HIGHLIGHTS

Thursday 31 January 2008

Today didn't start too well with the closure of the Forth Road Bridge northbound and only one lane open southbound. The D7 was delayed so much that some passengers got off and walked to the Ferrytoll. I don't know why they bothered because it was total gridlock and no other buses could get there. Eventually an X57 came and the long, and remarkably patient, queue shuffled on. I got chatting to a girl form Standard Life and we had a good laugh about the foibles of public transport use and what winds up us. "People" seemed to be the answer to every problem. I finally got into work at quarter to nine, forty five minutes late, although quite refreshed after my cathartic chat.

By half past ten I was on my way home again! Those of us who reside over the bridge had heard some worrying reports about the bridge and the weather and we decided to take the cautious approach and go back home. We thought we were being sensible but some people seemed to think we were "pulling a fast one". Oh right, so that's why we all took some work home is it? If I wanted to take the piss I wouldn't have bothered coming in at all. I'm not going to apologise for living in Fife and I won't apologise for travelling by public transport. Lord knows I suffer enough without Edinburgh-based car drivers having sly digs. End of rant.

The GLW doesn't read the (De)Press. I read it then give her the edited highlights, which cuts out a lot of the parochial dull crap which dominates its pages. Here are this week's "highlights":

1. MSP Jim Tolson wants Stagecoach to pass on the savings from the soon-to-be-gone tolls to passengers. Doug Fleming of Stagecoach says "We review our operating costs levels across the network on an annual basis which will reflect the removal of the tolls and these findings will apply to our fares revision later in the year". For revision, read rise. With Stagecoach losing out on Fuel Duty Rebate (unlike their English counterparts), they'll be pleading poverty and putting up fares and blaming it on the Government. It's not the passengers fault but it's us who suffer. It's not even as if the service gets better.

2. Schoolchildren montoring the car park at St. Leonard's Primary School, in an attempt to prevent inconsiderate parkers are being verbal abused by the offending drivers. How brave of these selfish twats to have a pop at primary school kids? Maybe they'll think again when the first fatality occurs. Although, they almost certainly won't.

3. A taxi driver who had a metal object thrown through his back window when leaving the "big" Asda has spoken of his concerns, "It was £60 excess on the insurance but it was the boss's car. You are looking at over £200 to get that fixed". Getting his priorities right he goes on to say, " I'm actually going to go to the doctors because I can't get rid of the headaches. I keep getting the flashbacks and I just can't keep this up". Now I don't want to belittle his ordeal but his own health should surely come before any damage to the car.

4. Always one for making a drama out of a crisis, John Aitchison, not my favourite individual, has said that the redevelopment of Dunfermline city centre is causing "mayhem" to the economy of the taxi drivers. "People who are entering the town are brassed off", he whined on. You're right John, but only because the place is a concrete shithole. I had to laugh out loud when he said "We get customers from the West Fife villages who say they are going to Alloa for their shopping and people from the eastern expansion think nothing of going to Edinburgh or Kirkcaldy". Alloa? Fuckin' hell, how bad must shopping in Dunfermline be? I'll tell you - it's chronic. If you want a haircut, a Stephen's steak bridie or a rake for Mantovani LPs in a charity shop, you're laughing, otherwise forget it. With the redevelopment of the city centre Dunfermline will be turning into even more of a Tescoville and any butchers or fishmongers who remain will soon disappear.

John argues that a thriving taxi industry is vital to the city centre becoming a successful shopping and business hub. Wrong again, John, a thriving taxi industry is only good for taxi drivers. Only new shops and businesses will improve Dunfermline. Some of us haven't forgotten your ill-founded comments about the Yellow Taxibus and the threat to lone female passengers. We haven't forgotten either how taxis drivers refused to pick up passengers from James Street who had just got off the Yellow Taxibus. And let's not even go down the road of the behaviour of some of your drivers and family when they get behind the wheel.

5. 3123 pupils were expelled from schools in the Kingdom in 2006/2007, with 478 of those from primary schools. The main reason for most of the expulsions was behaviour classed as violent conduct or verbal aggression. Their parents must be so proud.

6. McDonalds in Dunfermline has won the company's award for Restaurant of the Year in Scotland. What for? The most neds hanging off the window sills on a Saturday afternoon! No wonder there are so many misshapen fat fucks in Dunfermline. All pushing buggies with a fag in one hand, a burger in the other and their bairn with a face full of sausage roll.

7. It seems that the new bus station in the redevelopment of the city centre may not be used to it's full potential because Stagecoach are planning to use James Street for only "some of its services". What a waste of money and another concrete carbunkel (or should be busbunkel) awaits future generations of West Fifers. I was however pleased to see John Park MSP say, "It's important they communicate with the public on these matters and don't repeat the mistakes they did when changing services in the eastern expansion recently." A clear reference to Stagecoach's cessation of the only direct bus from the eastern expansion to Edinburgh (X57), which I campaigned to save.

8. Saving the best for last, the biggest story of the week is that the GLW has won the crossword! A family meal for four to the value of £50 at Frankie and Benny's awaits us!

I need to renew my 12-journey £23 ticket tomorrow. I'll be interested to see what ticket the driver tries to sell me. My money's on the wrong one.

I'm applying for a couple more game shows. A new one called "Stumped" with the ubiquitous Chris Tarrant and I've persuaded the GLW to go for "Are You Smarter Than A Ten Year Old?" She has a wider knowledge than me and her experience with the Guides would serve her well.

ON A DIFFERENT PLANET

Saturday 26 January 2008

A spontaneous trip to the Play Planet today for the whole family. The Flickster can run about daft while the GLW and I attempt the Daily Record (1) and Telegraph (2) crosswords. Then it was over to Dobbies to get some plants and a book each. Actually mine was a How To Learn Guitar DVD and book. I’ll be playing “You Made Me Realise” before you know it. To be honest I’d settle for “Can’t Seem To Make You Mine”.

After lunch I spent some time in the garage digging through boxes of tapes looking for some to digitise, during which time the GLW came out to tell me that Havant and Waterlooville had taken the lead at Anfield! Ah, the romance of the FA Cup. I text the news to Joe but he’s at home and knows already. Usually on a Saturday afternoon Joe is at the Hibs game and I’m at home watching the scores come in. If any goalscorers with funny names come up on Sky Sports I text them to Joe. Saturday’s funniest one was John Joe O’Toole. I said, “tool”!

Also on Saturday afternoon, I had the misfortune to witness one of the stupidest things I’ve seen on the road. As I looked out my front window I spotted a grown man riding a mini-moto bike in the middle of my street (which is illegal in itself – the manoeuvre, not the street) whilst holding on to a boy of about 8-10 years of age who was being pulled along on roller blades beside him. I did jump in my car to try and see where they’d gone but they disappeared. I reported it to the police anyway although there wasn’t anything they could do about it then. It’s just in case it happens again. I couldn’t believe anyone could be so stupid, especially on a street prone to boyracers.

Watched “Duel” and then found out that there’s an Edinburgh audition for the second series on Tuesday 5th February and they’re recording at the start of March for four days. As I sent off my application before they started re-advertising I’m hoping I haven’t been missed out.

Sunday 27 January 2008

Up with the lark and off to Tesco for the Sunday papers. I happened to notice that the post box in Tesco now has a sticker covering the Sunday collection, which I assume means that there is no longer such a thing. I’m going to e-mail the Post Office and find out just where I can post a Dunfermline for a Sunday collection. Not like the Post Office to cut back on services. The country’s gone to the dogs and no mistake.

By the time the girls had been dropped off and then collected from church, the competitions and crosswords had pretty much been done. It’s my mother’s birthday on Tuesday (the same day as Roddy Frame) so I decided to visit her with Flick to give her her presents. She’s such a cheery soul – not! But it’s over for another year and I probably won’t see her again until Christmas.
Hideous sight of the day was a normal car with four bright pink hub caps! It was disgusting to the point of distraction.

Monday 28 January 2008

All this week I'm working in another office. We're a bit quiet and two other departments on our floor need some help so we're all mucking in together. A change, as they say, is as good as a rest. Because I actually had some work to do I was busy and the day went quickly. They don't have a radio in the office I'm working in radio but I only shout at it anyway. I did get to take in my own chair, which was specially made for me. It has a longer seat because I have long thighs and not, as some wags suggest, to fit my arse on!

If it's Monday, it's Mastermind, University Challenge and Damages. A quizzer I don't like was on Mastermind tonight and I take no little pleasure in his not winning.

Dave e-mailed me at work and asked for my Top 10 Opening Songs from Albums. I went for:
1. The Smiths - The Queen Is Dead
2. The Smiths - Headmaster Ritual
3. The Smiths - Reel Around The Fountain
4. The Pixies - Debaser
5. Television - See No Evil
6. Sonic Youth - Teen Age Riot
7. Radiohead - Airbag
8. Violent Femmes - Blister In The Sun
9. Oasis - Rock 'n' Roll Star
10. Belle and Sebastian - Stars of Track and Field

What floats your boat in the opening-track-on-an-album department?