THE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY

I was reading my friend Miss Jane’s Blog last night and it got me to thinking. She uses pseudonyms for people she’s talking about, such as The Two Witches, PJ (that’s me!) and intriguingly Hot Guy (I had my fingers crossed but alas twas not to be) and it’s something I don’t do enough of. I guess that’s mainly because the people I’m talking about I would tell them to their face what I would say in writing and I’m not sure that I’ve ever been libellous…well, not that libellous

So what names would I use or have I used in my various incarnations on MySpace, Bebo, Facebook and Blogspot?

The Dog Walking Family – A family who live in my area who constantly walk their dogs and they always seem to do it as a family,
Mrs Brady Old Lady – A neighbour who I’ve never really spoken to and I’m sure is very nice but she has a cauliflower hairdo and therefore looks like “an old lady”,
Mr and Mrs Fitness – He cycles, runs and walks everywhere and she is called Mrs Fitness purely by marriage,
The Ditherer – She gets on the bus at Rosyth or the Ferrytoll and spends an age just picking her seat and sorting out her ticket and her bag,
Fat Woman – Gets on the bus at Ferrytoll and stinks to high heaven, also spends the journey wittering a load of pish to anyone who is unfortunate enough to be sat beside her,
Squealy Child – A neighbour’s whiny child who has one of those annoying squeaky, precocious child actor type voices,
Fanny – A funny colleague who says “Fanny” a lot,
Lazy Holiday Woman – An ex-colleague who was either just about to go on holiday or had just been on holiday and that was all she talked about, EVER,
Baw Bag – Someone I know who is into extreme sports, which I find pointless. He always seems to rub me up the wrong way,
Chubster – A fat local kid who keeps picking up stones off neighbours’ property and littering the street with them. He also tried to set light to our street sign,
Gobby Chubster – A gobby little girl who may be related to Chubster. A sight to behold in her tight pink top, like an over-stuffed sausage,
The C*nt – Someone who screwed me over for a job even though I scored the highest at interview (I make no apology for use of the C word as even that isn’t strong enough to describe this man),
Control Freak – An ex-supervisor who was also a bit of a bully.
GLW – The Good Lady Wife, self-explanatory
Flickster – My daughter
Spiv – A particular Fife councillor
Slowcoach – Stagecoach Buses
Scarlet Harlot – Also known as Miss Jane, who is young, free and simple again

I’ll make up others as and when I need them.