ON THE BUSES - DAY 3: STAGECOACH TESCOVILLE

World's most expensive shuttle bus: 2 passengers (Just me and a woman I like to call "The Ditherer" because she always take so long to get herself sorted out when she gets on a busy bus)
Driver knowledge: Not Applicable (Then again the only contact I had was to show my ticket and he only has to pretend to look at it!)
Ferrytoll Incidents: 1 (D7 couldn't even get into the Ferrytoll for all the cars which come off the motorway only to pass the Ferrytoll and go straight back on to the motorway in a pathetic attempt to save a nanosecond or two).
Queue Jumpers: 0
Journey Home: Bus to West End, walk to station, train from Haymarket (Hot and crowded but I got a seat - sweated like Michelle McManus in Greggs), walk through the park and car from pre-school (complete with adorable small child, sorry, complete with "big pre-school girl" as she keeps telling us)
Media mentions: 1 ( A quote in the Dunfermline Press about the buses apparently but I haven't seen it yet. I also wrote a letter so that may well feature too)

For the last two days I've been very hyper at work and I can only put it down to my anti-depressants. I've tried to temper my new found enthusiasm for life but I can't seem to get any control over it. Still, it beats the recent depths of despair so I mustn't grumble. I can't seem to find that happy "normal" medium in between the two.

I sent an e-mail to a few people about my divorce from MySpace, Bebo and Facebook and I got replies from Andrew Collins and Mark Gardiner (no, not the guy from Ride). Mark and I appeared on "Sudo-Q" with Eamonn Holmes last year and we're always looking for another opportunity to do another show together. Mark has plenty of mates who want to go on shows with him but they all chicken out at the form-filling-in stage. We were second on "Sudo-Q" but we didn't disgrace ourselves. The funniest moment when we were at the recording was that we were allowed to spend up to £10 on food the night before but the nearest eatery was a fish and chip shop. That didn't stop Mark from trying to spend all £10 in one go! Needless to say, he didn't finish it all.

Andrew Collins, notwithstanding his work on television and radio and in the printed media, is no stranger to the game show himself, having appeared on Telly Addicts with his family, called The Collins funnily enough. And he's officially the nicest guy in the media. He's always got time for a couple of lines to say hello or answer a question. And because he does that he doesn't get pestered, well, not by me anyway. He cares. About things, people (well, most of them) and animals. He's a good guy.

My wife has gone out to one of those swanky corporate £100-a-table quiz nights that her employers like to show face at. I've told her that if she brings shame on the family by not winning her bags will be packed and on the doorstep when she stumbles in at god knows what hour! That reminds me, I'm hosting the annual quiz night for her employers and I always enjoy it. I guess they must too or they wouldn't ask me back every year. It's a paying gig but I've already spent the wages on my own little portable PA system, which has a built-in cassette deck for playing audio rounds.

This year's quiz has rounds on News, Numbers, Music, Sport, Televison/Film and Pot Luck as well as two audio rounds and two picture rounds. I'm very proud of the idea I had for one of the picture rounds but I can't tell you about it until after the "gig". I've also got to put a script of sorts together, so things are kept lively, altogether a lot of "gags" are off the cuff. One of Kirsty's colleagues described us as the Ian Brady and Myra Hindley of quiz. Not really sure how to take that!

Work was busy enough today but there was still time to receive and send a few more missives on the subject of the buses especially to Tony Martin, who heads up the Transportation committee. One e-mail I received from him this morning could've been written by Stagecoach themselves it was so sycophantic towards their plans. He confirmed the process by which Stagecoach has to follow before they can change/revise services. Fife Council are given a couple of weeks notice and then the Traffic Commissioner is given 56 days notice but even during that period, should passengers actually find out about the proposals, they have no real right of appeal. Well, they can, but it's as much use as a chocolate teapot. What is interesting, in the light of these procedures, is that Stagecoach plan to add an extra 0600 bus on Monday to the D7 route at the request of one of my neighbours because she starts work in Edinburgh at 0700. This bus isn't on the timetable at the moment and for it to go through it would have to undergo the aforementioned 10 week notice period. If this bus becomes a reality on Monday morning, without the going through the proper procedures, I'm sorely tempted to raise an objection purely to see what would happens. My neighbour would be a bit pissed off but as she's never had this bus previously she wouldn't miss it. I could never beat Stagecoach but I'd love to be able to kick them in the shins and run away! In one of my replies to Mr Martin I suggested that if Fife Council doesn't stand up and be counted they might as well rename Dunfermline "Stagecoach Tescoville".

I'm a longtime subscriber to Mojo and the highlight of the month is my attempt to complete the prize crossword without using any reference materials. So, I'm off to bed to with my Mojo, a Parker pen and a glass of water. Goodnight.

BBC Paul
=^..^=

P.S. Forth One's "The Word Is Out" competition has been running for a couple of months now and it's up to £4100 (started at £50 and goes up £50 per day). It's an achievement just to get through to the studio but most of us in the office try everyday. I NEED my own car and I'm desperate to win it. I was rather pissed off this morning when the Chief Inspector called me through to his office just as they were starting today's comp. Anyway, the phrase with the missing word, said by James Dean Bradfield, is "I don't want that to sound dismissive of the actual solo records themselves, I think they were kind of, they were good ________ exercises". We have a list of words in the office that we have on standby should any of us get through. Apparently, we'll kick ourselves when we finally hear the answer.