PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS - FACT

Friday 16 November

If I'd known we were finishing work at 1230 (due to a power outage) I could've brought the car. As it was I didn't and had to get a 53 bus to the Ferrytoll and then a D7 home, which snuck in behind a parked bus and almost drove off again without me. It's a good job I saw his reflection in the wing mirrors of the parked bus - I would NOT have been happy! The GLW had already left to take the Flickster to ballet so I had time to shower and get my quiz master clothes on. Okay, it was just my Beatles Help shirt but it's "zany" enough for a quiz night. I check the audio round for the umpteenth time and it works. I won't be able to relax until I get to the venue and make sure it all works there.

After the girls got back we all headed off to the Outlaws, where we were staying for the night. Debbie kindly agreed to babysit, little realising that the Outlaws don't have satellite telly and it was also Children in Need night! After some scrummy macaroni cheese we headed out to the venue. Joe, who kindly agreed to sign everyone in for the night, was already there when we arrived. I set the equipment up, gave it a test run and it worked perfectly. THANK GOD!

I immediately relaxed and went into hyper mode. After a brief table problem (11 teams and only 8 long tables) was sorted, we got under way. The first half was News, Numbers, Music and the first of two audio rounds. A picture round, featuring the first 21 Mr Men, was also handed out at the start and the teams had the whole of the first half to complete it and hand it in. After a half-time buffet we had Sport, Pot Luck, TV and Film and the second audio round. It seemed only right that I should plug the jocknroll website as we played 10 snatches (oo-er missus) of Jock'n'Roll hits, including Orange Juice, Hue and Cry and Belle and Sebastian's "Legal Man", which nobody got. (There were no points if you said Revillos instead of Rezillos and Clare Grogan instead of Altered Images). The first audio round had been "Back To The Old School", featuring the likes of Black Box, The Shamen and MARRS. Nobody got Eric B and Rakim's "Paid in Full" (yes, they all went for the heavily-sampled "Pump Up The Volume", which appeared five 'snatches' later) or Bomb The Bass' "Beat Dis".

The second picture round was the one I was most interested in seeing the room's reaction to. I'd gone on the company's website and downloaded the photos of ten members of staff at random and then I'd uploaded the images to the simpsonizeme.com website. The resulting images made up the picture round. The GLW was worried that no-one would get any but it turned out that every picture was correctly guessed by at least one team. As it turned out, only one person pictured in the quiz was there in person and he's pictured right.

In the end "Good Times and/or Bad Times" won the quiz by six points from "Britney's Briefs" and "Laura Hair's Team". Joe played along as The Terrahawks with Katie and the other bar staff and they managed to come in 12th...of 12!! After the quiz was done and dusted Rab the DJ, who I introduced as the "Darth Vader of the slide fader, no man on two turntables cut straighter" hit the decks. Some people left straight after the quiz but Kirsty and I proceeded to get a bit tiddly and dance the rest of the night away. As well as a Slosh, which Kirsty fucked up on twice, there was some northern soul (The Snake and There's a Ghost In My House), Black Box, Deee-Lite and pretty much whatever we asked for!

A taxi home with all the gear and we were soon listening to Debbie's tales of woe about what was on the box! No wonder she hit my father-in-laws booze!

Saturday 17 November

I don't know if it was a hangover, so much as being absolutely knackered from all the dancing but I just couldn't get out of bed.

I'd been paid for doing the quiz night by way of an HMV Gift Card and as I had to go to Toys R Us to get a Disney Princess "Prince Charming" (don't ask) I figured I might as well as spend them. I'm not a big fan of HMV as it's over priced but you can get a few bargains. The Toys R US part of the trip was straightforward but trying to spend the gift card in HMV seemed to take an age. Eventually I got something for my mother's Christmas, something for Flick (3 CD Disney box set), something for the GLW (Ryan Adams' "Easy Tiger") and a couple of things for myself. I see vouchers and gift cards etc as an ideal opportunity to get something I probably wouldn't have bought otherwise so I plumped for Kate Nash's "Made of Bricks" album and a box set from Tartan DVD of three music documentaries called "Essential Documentaries - Music". It features "The Devil and Daniel Johnston", "The Ramones - End of the Century" and "Mayor of the Sunset Strip" and I'm looking forward to watching them. I think next year (I assume they'll ask me back now that I have access to a good venue and I've done it for the last three or four years) I'll ask for a bigger fee. I think anyone who witnessed it will know how much effort was put into it and how much people enjoyed it. Maybe I need an agent to negotiate for me!!

After missing two 30 buses and then another when I couldn't find my Daysaver ticket in my pocket, I finally got a bus into Edinburgh. from there I decided to get an 8. I walked down to the Police Club, the scene of last night's triumph, and saw that the 8 wasn't due for another 19 minutes so I decided to walk to Broughton Street, where I could get a 17 too. There was only one other person at the stop so I left a space at the front of the bus stop for her, as she was wandering around, and waited patiently for the bus. Soon after a girl stood in the other ladies' space but I thought that at least she'll know I was here before her.

The bus was almost due when an elderly gentleman (and I use that phrase very loosely for reasons that will become apparent shortly) walked up to the bus stop and stood at the pavement in the space between the bus stop and the shelter. "I hope he doesn't think he's getting on before everyone else" I thought. Seconds later, the 8 comes round the corner and I make to go past the young girl. As I do she makes a comment about there being a queue and I point out to her that "I know and I was here before you". At that point I also tap the elderly man on the shoulder and tell him that's there's a queue. All hell breaks loose as he starts having a go at me and saying "tough, if you want to stand over there blah blah blah". I pointed out that I was actually in the queue in the shelter. I make no apologies for barging past him and shake my head towards the driver, who was also seems to be amused by it all.

The bus is busy so I take a seat right up the back. No sooner have I settled into my seat when the old codger is in my face having another verbal go at me. I tell him, without swearing (which is unusual for me when I'm angry), to sit down, shut up and learn some manners. He continues his barrage of abuse at me and I repeat the "sit down etc" mantra. Meanwhile a woman further up the bus starts on me, which I am flabbergasted about. She says stop the argument because she's got kids on the bus!! What the fuck has that got to do with anything? I ignore her. Then another guy to right wants to throw his tuppence worth in and proceeds to tell me that's he's just come off a night shift!! Big deal - is he the only person that's ever worked a night shift? Then he decides to shout to the driver to get me chucked off. Not once, not twice, but a number of times. I also tell him to be quiet and mind his own business. I have to say that when the bus finally gets going I am sitting in utter shock at what has just occurred. Someone tries to jump the queue ahead of a number of freezing people who have been waiting for up to 20 minutes, I defend mine and their positions and what happens I'm verbally abused by three people!! It really is a sad day when someone defending good manners and etiquette should be so unceremoniously attacked by complete morons. It is really is true, you cannot argue with idiots and these individuals were idiots. Complete fucking idiots and I make no apology for the language.

I regale the tale to the GLW and she can't believe it either. I'm just pleased I managed to remain so calm and didn't start swearing because then the driver probably would've had good cause to chuck me off. Mind you, if that had happened, night shift man would've been coming with me, whether he liked it or not. Even now I can't contain my incredulity at it all.

After a calming cup of tea the GLW drives us home while the Scotland v Italy game is on. This is deliberate as I don't know if I could have stood the tension of watching it. Even when I get home I can't catch the end because when I switch on the TV "Strictly Come Dancing" comes on and Flickster spots it straight away. No chance of seeing the game now!

After Flick goes to bed I suggest a KFC to the GLW. We've never had KFC before and I know the leisure park has one. I drive up there (any excuse), wait for my £9.99 Variety Bucket amongst some unsavoury characters (and that's just the staff) and head out of there as quickly as possible. I'm not convinced as to the VFM of the Variety Bucket but it serves it's purpose as slobby comfort food after a long night and trying day.

I see the goals from the Scotland game later on and I can't believe the decision that led to Italy's winner in injury time. A draw wouldn't have been enough for Scotland to qualify but they at least deserved it. Alex McLeish, the Scotland manager, has called for the Spanish officials to be punished for their error and no-one in Britain will disagree with that. Well done Scotland. (I reckon it'll be (or should be) between them and the Northern Ireland team for Sports Personality Team of the Year. Both have punched above their weight in the 2008 campaign and indeed the Irish still have a slim chance of qualifying, although they have to beat Spain in Spain and hope that Latvia beat Sweden).

Sunday 18 November

I busy myself today to try and contain my still simmering anger at the events of yesterday. I clean out a kitchen cupboard, put the recycling, do the dishes, fill the bins, do the crosswords and competitions whilst supping copious amounts of coffee.

After tea, I head off to Tesco to do the recycling, get some envelopes and stamps and then head off to the Dunfermline Press offices to post some comps and lastly go to the Royal Mail Sorting Office to post the other comps. I'm rather concerned that my envelopes and postcards barely make it into the box as it appears to overflowing!

When I get home I finally settle down to go through my e-mails, update the Jocknroll website and listen to Kate Nash, The Neon Tetra compilation, Sheryl Crow and the Heavy Nuggets CD that came with this month's MOJO. That reminds me, Joe gave me a CD of stuff by Jim Gipson, former lead singer of Black Nite Crash, which also featured Joe on bass. I'll give it listen this week.

It's now 2315 on Sunday and I really should be going to bed. I am mentally and physically exhausted and I'm running on empty. I'll sort my bag for work, make a sandwich for lunch and hit the hay. Goodnight fair people.